Stress

Isn't blue supposed to be a peaceful color? We'll see if it works. I am a stress ball right now. My damn statistics final is on Monday and I am so ready for it to be over. Jodie and I have been studying and reading our little hearts out but we still feel clueless about this junk. I mean, the test is only going to be over chapters 1-22. That's all. Jeez.

I had a dream the other night that I was being a counselor at church camp though I was still studying for the stats exam. In the dream, my grandmother died & my mom came to camp to get me. We go to my grandmother's funeral and in the midst of all the mourning I realize I just can't take the exam. I ask my mother, a professor, to write me a note for my professor, but she says no!! She tells me that nothing should get in the way of my education and to go ahead and take the test.
Now, there are a couple of things wrong with this dream. First of all, my grandmother has been gone for a LONG time and my mom has been gone for a while too. It's kind of strange to dream about them. Second, if someone in my family passes away, screw the test! And three....ok, there is no other point to make. My dreams are just bizarre.

My anxiety level is high but I am TRYING not to go completely shizzle. I've been in this insomnia cycle for about 2 1/2 months now and am really tired of it. It would be nice to get more than 4 hours of sleep at night.

Once the test is over Jodie and I are "unwinding." That means alcohol.

Wish me luck!

Jesus Hops

It's Easter...like the good kid I pretend to be, I went to church this morning. It was a decent service although the pianist stays about 2 beats ahead of the congregation. Drives me nuts.

Anyhoo----I ended up sleeping alllll day Saturday. I mean, ALL day. I went to bed about 3am Sat morning and woke up at 8 pm Saturday evening. I guess I was really tired. When I sleep hard like that I tend to have vivid dreams. The one I really remember relates to Easter and Jesus and all that jazz. I dreamed that Jesus was dressed up in a Bunny suit and that song "Jesus Walks" by Kanye West was playing.....only it was "Jesus Hops." In part of the dream I was in church and they rolled in this huge tiered cake and Jesus bursts through (bunny suit on) as we're singing Christ The Lord is Risen Today.

Strange, strange dream..........No, I wasn't drinking. Lol.

Happy Easter folks!

Bummed

It's been a couple of days of things not going my way. The universe should have figured out by now that it's MY way or the highway. Why can't the world just bow down to me? Is that asking soooo much?

I didn't fail my Statistics test but I didn't get the grade I wanted.

I was not chosen for an interview with the General Comission on Religion & Race job that I verrryyyy much wanted.

Some annoying little kid & his grandma talked through the whole concert at the philharmonic tonight.

I feel like Eeyore tonight. Maybe that's my cue to take a bath and go to bed.

peace.........

Alas, my beloved, JK......

Received a phone call today that my beloved John Kerry has to postpone his trip to OKC this weekend. Apparently there's pressing political business in D.C. that he has to tend to. Understandable......the event has been rescheduled for May 6th, so I'll still get to hang with him! Woo hoo. I just adore Senator Kerry and would do just about anything for him. What impresses me the most is that one of his staff members called me today to tell me about the change in plans. I had been communicating with her, helping coordinate the visit and help in any way needed. It was nice of her to call me personally. So, I must be a little more patient and then I will finally get to see my JK again.

Hello? Test Gods?

Are you there God? It's me, Rachel. Yeah, hi. Sooooo....I have this Statistics exam today and as you know I'm not feeling so great about it. I'm not asking for anything big, like a power outage across the city of Norman or a big flock of birds to carry off the professor....I'd just like a little help with the test. Hey, maybe if You know the answer (well of course You know the answer but if You'd like to shareeee the answer) you could make my pencil roll or something subtle. I'll take any help You'd like to give.

Oh, sorry I missed church yesterday but I was busy practicing witchcraft and becoming a lesbian.

Wait, wrong response.....
Sorry I missed church yesterday but I had that darn retreat for Cimarron. Hope you understand.

Thanks God, or thanks be to God.....

Rachel

Step aside for Chutney

I invite my faith-ful/faith-less readers to read a blog posting by my friend Chance. He and I were religion majors in college and have maintained a friendship over the years. A lot of us religion majors have struggled with our "calling" to church work and have fought for self-independence within churches that seem to encourage dependence on everything but ourselves.
His experience is very different from my own but I identify with a lot of what he says. I must admit that his story makes me uncomfortable as well, because it brings to mind my own issues & circumstances of stepping away from ordination and my calling.

Visit Chance's blog at
www.makingchutney.com
It's a good read.

Shalom........

If you can't say something nice...

come sit next to me.......
Isn't that the line from Steel Magnolias? What a fabulous movie.

Ok, I know I haven't posted much lately. I HAVE been rather busy with work and school (damn statistics class). The month of March is our busiest month of the year at work so I've mostly been treading water to keep up with all that needs to be done.

But, there's another reason that I haven't posted much. I originally created this blog as a little insight to the (warped) mind of Rachel, my life, my chaos. Actually, I decided it would be a good way to keep my long distance friends & family abreast on what is going on with me. Then, stupid me, TOLD people about the blog and now (damn it) people actually READ the stupid thing. Sigh. So, now if I get aggravated/frustrated/want to shake the life out of others I can't post it here because that person/persons/people might read it! I've created a monster.

I've been attempting to keep my emotions and homicidal tendencies in check lately so thaaaaat's the reason why I haven't posted much. Maybe I should have given up blogging for Lent. I gave up cursing (obviously that hasn't gone so well) and of course I always give up Trina (a Kappa Phi tradition from college).

And NO, Friendly Bunny, you are not on my list. I like you. Today. Get text messaging.

Peace out people..............

Church

I'm enjoying my little church, Clegg UMC. When I say little, I mean little...we had 45 in worship today, which is standard. I would prefer a bit larger congregation but there is certainly community amongst a group this small. There's a member of the church who has been very sick for the past several months. I'm still unclear as to what the chief medical problem is but he's had setback after setback. Now, this man fell sick right before I started attending so I've never met him but I feel like I know him by the way the whole church talks about him. Every week a couple of people say oh yes, I saw David on this day or that day. Each week at least 2 emails go out on his condition. I've been in churchs/groups before where someone gets sick or is absent for a long period of time and eventually they drift out of collective consciousness. I don't think it's done out of malice, but it just happens. This David person seems to have such an impact on our congregation and they are always visiting him, praying for him, and being there for his family. I hope that I someday get to meet this gentleman because his absence is felt, even by me, and a community of faith is stronger because of him.

After church this morning I was visiting with the organist, Kay, as we try and find something for me to sing in worship. We were thumbing through our hymnal supplement, which is not used on a regular basis in this congregation. I commented that I had a supplement at home and I would continue browsing for a song. Kay looked at me kind of funny and asked why I had one of these booklets. I thought for a moment and then replied that I'm kind of a church nerd....I was the kid who read through the hymnal and tried learning most of the songs. I guess I really am a church nerd.....I'm ok with that self-imposed label. There are worse things to be, right? Like, male. Just kidding. :-)

Red Tie 2006

This past Saturday night, March 4th, was Red Tie Night 2006. Red Tie is the annual fundraiser for the Oklahoma AIDS Care Fund, a most wonderful non-profit that gives a lot of $$$ to HIV/AIDS in Oklahoma. Every year the event gets bigger and bigger, approxmiately 950 people attended this year. They do a fabulous live auction that generates thousands and thousands and I can't imagine where these ppl get the money to spend!!! So, this year I asked my step-pappy and my step-sis to attend with me. They had a great time (as I knew they would) and my stepdad flirted with every straight female he could find! It was amusing. I was very proud to introduce them to my colleagues and friends. My family really hasn't had the opportunity, or taken the opportunity, to discover MY world so this was my chance to show them around. You know, I didn't realize it until just now, but I guess I'm pretty proud of some of the things I've done and work I've accomplished and I wanted my family to understand a little more of me. Hmmmm....

Lent

Well, the season of Lent has begun. I was able to attend an Ash Wednesday service in the hospital chapel. I forgot about the ashes on my forehead until I started noticing people staring at me. One of the workers in the cafeteria asked me if it was a scar. I find it amusing how many folks around here don't know or understand the meaning of Ash Wednesday or Lent.
So, I did give up something for Lent.....every time I curse, I have to put 25cents in a jar for charity. I just don't like hearing those curse words come out of my mouth (well, sometimes they are justified but not always). So, I have a feeling I'll be earning a good amount of $ for some charity. And as always, at the beginning of Lent I called my Kappa Phi little sister, Trina, and reminded her that I was once again giving her up for Lent. We always laugh about that.

So, in this time of self-sacrifice and contemplation I attempt to correct my language and be a little nicer in my approach to others.

Statistics update...

Just got home from Statistics class....that B i got on my test...turns out it's a HIGH B...an 87! Yay for me.

One down

My first Statistics exam was Monday and I actually passed!! Woo hoo! I got a B which I am extremely happy with. Now I just have to learn all the stuff that I missed so I don't get behind.

Was in Philadelphia over the weekend for a Young Dems meeting. I have SO much fun at these events. We work all day, socialize half the night, and do it all over again the next day. It's a wonder I come away from those things with any brain cells. Thankfully, I can usually sleep on the airplane so I'm not completely exhausted by the time I get home. I really had to behave this weekend because I had to study for my exam. Talk about dedication!!

After I took my test and found out my grade, I called my friend Chris in Tennessee to relay the good news. He said there's something to be learned from all this....Of course, stupid me had to inquire as to what that was....He said, "that I'm always right. I told you that you would do well and you did. So, I'm always right." Jeez. Men. lol.

Gimmie gimmie gimmie

Happy Valentine's Day. Stupid holiday. lol.

Tonight I put in the mail an application for a job I really really want. I mean, I really really really want this job. It's as the Associate General Secretary of the NE Jurisdiction, within the United Methodist Commission on Religion & Race. How's that for a title? The Associate Secretary oversees projects on religion and race, anti-racism, etc, for the NE states. How amazing would that be?!?! It's based out of Washington, D.C. but travel is a big requirement. Have I mentioned that I really want this position??
I knew I had to apply for this. I may not even get an interview, but if I didn't apply I knew I would regret it. I still have my plans to start school in the fall but if I were to get this position school could be put on hold for a few years.

I'm such a princess....I want to call up this office and tell them to go ahead and hire me now. I don't like to wait, I don't like to be told no. I KNOW I'm right for this job.

We'll see......I won't know anything for a couple of months.

Dad

Today, February 13, 2006, is the anniversary of when my father died. With this anniversary, Dad has been gone from my life longer than he was in it. Strange.
But, I choose to remember the good because the past is the past and there's no changing it. He was my father, I loved him, and I love him still.

What went wrong?

Sometimes I think news reporters aren't the brightest bears in the woods. I know they are supposed to sensationalize stories and use dramatics to pull in viewers. But, it gets a little ridiculous at times. Case in point: today, February 12th, our wonderful Vice President Dick Cheney accidently shot a fellow hunter while gaming for quail. A reporter on our local ABC station excitedly reported, "Dick Cheney accidently shot a friend on a hunting trip today in Texas. What went wrong?" Um, he SHOT the old guy standing BEHIND him. THAT'S what went wrong. I'm sorry, but isn't Cheney supposed to have a heart condition? That shouldn't affect his eyesight, right? So tell me how a 78 year old white guy looks like a covey of quail?? I don't get it.
I'm glad the dude is ok but if it were me I'd be holding this over Cheney's head for a long time. Maybe send him postcards with pictures of all the quail that are native to the U.S. Or comparison shots....the flying thing is a BIRD, the walking thing with a gun, glasses, cellphone, and hair is a MAN.

I'm enjoying this too much, aren't I?

Slip of the tongue

I was in a board meeting tonight for the Cimarron Alliance Foundation. We were briefly discussing the cost of bringing in big name/celebrity speakers, like for a lecture series or fundraiser. One person suggested/named was former Sec of State, Madeline Albright. It was noted that her speaking price was probably at least $50,000, to which one board member loudly exclaimed, "Jesus Christ!" I immediately turned to that board member and said, "yeah, we can probably get him for less."

Everyone burst into laughter and I realized that I had actually said my comment outloud, instead of in my head with all the other evil thoughts.

Chutney has taught me well (www.makingchutney.com)

Homework

I'm taking a Statistics class this semester, at the University of Oklahoma. I guess this makes me officially a Sooner. (blah)
I have not been a student since 1998 and let me tell you, this homework junk is killing me. I spent 2 1/2 hours doing homework problems tonight and I'm STILL not done.

One of my stepfather's favorite quips is:
You know there's three types of lies-
there's lies, damn lies, and statistics. He wanted me to tell that one to the professor. Thank goodness I never listen to what my stepdad tells me to do.

Good times. If you need me, I'll be studying.

In memory of Russell

Russell Dyer, age 41. Died-Monday, January 23. Melanoma of the brain.
I am going to have to let my memories serve as his tribute because my heart hurts too much to write them. All I can say is I love(d) you.

No more blogs for a while folks....

Humbled

The funeral for our friend Shelly is tomorrow, Saturday the 21st. I have been agonizing all week because of a conflict in schedule. The major board I sit on, Cimarron Alliance Foundation, had scheduled their 2-day retreat for this weekend and I was very torn as to where to go/what to do. I wanted to be there for Shelly's service yet also need/want to be at the retreat b/c this is part of my future in OKC. Then, just a few minutes ago, the chair of my board called and said we have to cancel the retreat because our facilitator can't get here. Wow. Ok God--I get the sign. Thanks for intervening. Now I can go do what my heart needs to do.

Hiding

my previous post is deceptive because it appears that i am calm and accepting of this death. i'm not. right now i'm really angry and sad and overwhelmed.