Homework

I'm taking a Statistics class this semester, at the University of Oklahoma. I guess this makes me officially a Sooner. (blah)
I have not been a student since 1998 and let me tell you, this homework junk is killing me. I spent 2 1/2 hours doing homework problems tonight and I'm STILL not done.

One of my stepfather's favorite quips is:
You know there's three types of lies-
there's lies, damn lies, and statistics. He wanted me to tell that one to the professor. Thank goodness I never listen to what my stepdad tells me to do.

Good times. If you need me, I'll be studying.

In memory of Russell

Russell Dyer, age 41. Died-Monday, January 23. Melanoma of the brain.
I am going to have to let my memories serve as his tribute because my heart hurts too much to write them. All I can say is I love(d) you.

No more blogs for a while folks....

Humbled

The funeral for our friend Shelly is tomorrow, Saturday the 21st. I have been agonizing all week because of a conflict in schedule. The major board I sit on, Cimarron Alliance Foundation, had scheduled their 2-day retreat for this weekend and I was very torn as to where to go/what to do. I wanted to be there for Shelly's service yet also need/want to be at the retreat b/c this is part of my future in OKC. Then, just a few minutes ago, the chair of my board called and said we have to cancel the retreat because our facilitator can't get here. Wow. Ok God--I get the sign. Thanks for intervening. Now I can go do what my heart needs to do.

Hiding

my previous post is deceptive because it appears that i am calm and accepting of this death. i'm not. right now i'm really angry and sad and overwhelmed.

peace for Shelly

This morning a friend, Shelly Douglass McComber, passed away. She was a very close friend to my stepsister and her husband is a close friend to my stepbrother. Our families have been linked for a long time. I struggle with how to remember/honor her with words because there's so many ways to describe her--yet who she was cannot be summed up in words. I think I have to just leave it with this prayer and ask for strength and patience as those who knew Shelly struggle through their grief.

We give back to you, O God, this one whom you gave to us. You did not lose her when you gave her to us and we do not lose her by her return to you. Your dear Son has taught us that life is eternal and love cannot die, so death is only a horizon and a horizon is only the limit of our sight. Open our eyes to see more clearly and draw us close to you that we may know that we are nearer to our loved ones, who are with you. You have told us that you are preparing a place for us; prepare us also for that happy place, that where you are we may also be always, O dear Lord, of life and death. --William Penn

The Waiting Room

I think I am going to write a novel and call it The Waiting Room. Have you ever spent time in an ER waiting room??? Talk about diversity. There are some freaky people in hospitals (yours truly does not count). See, several years ago I broke my left leg and also twisted my knee/knee cap out of place. Every once in a while if I turn my knee just so that damn knee cap slips out of place and I buckle. Hurts like I can't describe. So, this morning I'm getting ready for work and I do an ordinary thing and boom--knee goes out. I fell. Yelled. Cursed. Usually the knee cap slips back into place when it does this little dance but today it decided to be stuck. I eventually got to work, taking tiny little steps that didn't require any bending. It hurt all day long.....leg swelled up, was quite painful. I called my dr's office for an urgent care appointment and the SOONEST they could get me in would be January 17th. Uh, no. I do NOT like this doctor's office and I'm switching soon. Anyhoo---the nurse advises I go to the ER so off I go. I went to Baptist and the wait was approximately 6 hours to even SEE someone. I trotted over to Deaconess and only had to wait 3 1/2 hours to be seen. X-rays showed that my knee cap was on the left side of my knee so the doctor pushed it back into place, wrapped it, and sent me home. Still hurts. Still swollen, but at least I can bend my knee. I'm on orders to stay off it for a day or two and let it strengthen up or else I'm prone to injuring it again. Good times.
So that's my day............
Thanks for driving me home at 12:30am Gaila. I owe you.

A prayer for Shelly

For Shelly, her husband Greg, their families & friends-

Compassionate God of love, You know us and call us by name.
Be with Shelly as the time for passing from earth to heaven seems near.
Replace our fear, facing the mystery of life with faith
in Your divine care for us.
Give her peace of mind and heart.
Soften any pain and suffering with Your gentle healing hand.
We ask this through Jesus, the Christ,
who suffered and died for us.
Amen

Thea

My sweet little kitten, Thea, died today. I couldn't find her this morning and noticed Aspasia pacing in and out of the bathroom. Thea was under the vanity, which was her napping place of late. I had put a towel under there so the tile wouldn't chill her. I don't know what happened but I suspect she had another seizure. I've never seen one of my pets actually deceased (goldfish don't count). She was such a playful cat, actually she was still a kitten. She was only 7-8 months old. I have to take comfort in that she had a good home here and was loved. It still hurts though....
Aspasia keeps looking for Thea. I put out a paper bag for Aspasia, which seems to be a comfort space for her. I guess we both have to grieve a little.

I love you Miss Thea. Thanks for being my kitten.

Brokeback Mountain

Yes, the controversial & wonderful film, Brokeback Mountain, premiered in Oklahoma City tonight. It was largely anticipated that we would NOT get the film, being the Bible Belt and redneck state that we are. But, a local media guy put his staff to task and approximately 500 ppl saw the film tonight. HardNews Online (www.hnokc.com) gave free passes to those wanting to see the film. It was fun standing in line and seeing lots of friends and acquaintances gather for this movie. The theater was packed, almost every seat filled, and it was the most well-behaved crowd I've ever seen. It was so quiet in there--everyone was fixated on the movie. No one talked. No cell phones rang. We all laughed at the same places and lots of sniffling could be heard during the dramatic parts. It was quite powerful to all experience the movie together.

The movie itself was pretty good. It's a beautiful love story and you truly get caught up in the LOVE part and not so much the "oh yeah they're gay" portion.

It was a good evening.

Movie: Crash

Watched an amazing movie off Pay Per View tonight, called Crash. The cast is star filled and a few notable names are Sandra Bullock, Don Cheadle, and Brendan Fraser. The movie has several mini plots going and they skip from vignette to vignette, but it's easy to follow and keep the characters straight. The story is basically about racial tensions and mistrust, mistrust of those who are "different" than us and even mistrust of ourselves. Characters wrestle with standing up for what they think/know is right, with accepting blame for their own actions, and accepting kindness from others (with no ulterior motive).
What kept ringing in my head is how we humans easily sin, seek redemption, are granted redemption, and sin all over again. (I use Christian terminology because that is my own background). Each of the characters had a struggle asking forgiveness and when that forgiveness/redemption was granted, they had a difficult time accepting it.

I realized that my own life is a lot like that...I have a hard time asking forgiveness and an even worse time accepting my redemption. And of course, I sin all over again and again and again. The bigger question (for me) is, can I forgive myself as easily as God forgives me? I'm not sure what my answer to that question is. I am hardest on myself.

I highly recommend this movie, Crash. It will make you think. If it doesn't make you think then there's something wrong with you.

Peace

In memory of MJ

I attended a funeral today in Lawton for MJ, my mother's long time secretary/assistant. MJ died unexpectedly last Friday from what appears to be a blood clot. She was a strong Catholic and the funeral mass was lovely. Her brother, a monk, did several readings and reflected on her life and her children all layed a flower on the altar for her. I had to giggle a bit to myself some though...MJ despised being called by her given name, Mary Jane. She ALWAYS went by MJ. But, the priest, as I'm sure is proper order of service, kept referring to her as Mary Jane through the Mass. I could just imagine MJ cringing or shooting eye daggers every time "Mary Jane" was said.

Towards the end of the service one of the daughters read a modified version of the children's book, "I Love You Forever." They added in personal tidbits about themselves and their mom and it made the story even that much more charming. As the daughter began reading, she said that a few years ago MJ had heard this story read at a funeral and she wanted it for hers.

Well, I choked up and tears just flowed as the story was read. At my mom's funeral 4 years ago my brother Dan surprised us all by reading that story (not a dry eye anywhere). MJ and my mom were very close and I consider it an honor that she wanted a piece of her service to reflect Mom's.

But, being there brings back a whole slew of memories that tear at my heart. I realize my Mom has been gone for a while but it's still difficult...no, heart wrenching, to bring up some of the memories and people from Mom's life. Several of the faculty members from Cameron were there. These are the people I grew up around--they were Mom's co-workers and friends. When I would call Mom at work I always talked to MJ first. I would go by and visit MJ even after Mom was gone. Losing her is like losing another piece of Mom and right now, in my moment of sadness, makes me miss Mom even more.

My grieve also for MJ and her family. She was well loved and raised a beautiful family of children and grandchildren. It was good to hug her daughters as we all remembered how much our mother's loved working with each other.

Shalom.

Good grief

Do you ever say the words "good grief" in the exasperated, sighing way that Charlie Brown said them? That's how I'm feeling at the moment. I am struggling with some grief/sadness over finding out that a friend just died and also learning that another friend is near death. I'm a very hands-on person and I need something to DO with my grief. I haven't figured out what would make me feel better though--writing a letter? Playing some music? Creating something artsy? I don' t know. I just have this pent up emotion that is driving me batty. Honestly, I'm looking for anything to distract me from reality. Sigh............good grief.

Disco inferno

The wildfires rage on in Oklahoma and Texas. My area of Oklahoma City is current unaffected but I think residents are beginning to understand just how vulnerable we all are. I live off of a busy street and motorists flicking cigarettes out a window are enough to set off a fire. It does make me kind of nervous.

This afternoon I went to an open house at a friend's. In the couple of hours from getting home from church and going to my friend's, the weather shifted dramatically. The wind had kicked up and was gusting between 20-25 mph. The eerie thing was the sky---it was hazy, dusty, and thick looking. Kind of hard to describe. The wind was certainly kicking around dirt and such but I suppose a lot of the coloring came from the wildfires burning nearby. Freaky.

I feel like I should dress up as Smokey the Bear and stand on a street corner with a sign saying "Only You Can Prevent Forest Fires." Man, I always liked Smokey the Bear.

3,2,1,1 Happy New Year!!

Happy New Year everyone!
I find it amusing that the news media made a big deal about how the time keeper people (can't remember at the moment who it is) added an extra second to the clock this year. Does one second really make that much difference in the world? I mean, I just wasted 45 seconds writing these paragraphs yet the world is no better and no worse for having endured it.

I don't generally make New Year's Resolutions because I, like most ppl, rarely follow through on those resolutions. It's like giving something up for Lent---if it doesn't happen then there's no consequence or aftermath. Though, I do still try to give up my Kappa Phi little sister, Trina, every year for Lent. It's tradition. :-) I think she still holds a grudge against me for when I gave her up for Lent back in 95 or 96. lol

So, my resolutions or intended resolutions for 2006:
Move out of Oklahoma
Cut down the shrubs in my backyard
Spend a little more time at home
and a couple of others I won't speak of right now.

Hope everyone has a safe and lovely beginning of the new year.

peace,