sunday afternoon i traveled a bit south to my hometown. it was my niece's 2nd birthday and family and friends gathered to celebrate. it was a cute party and i think she enjoyed pulling the tissue paper out of the bags more than she did the presents. but, isn't it always that way with young kids? the big hit present was a hula-hoop, which Papa John bought. several of the adults tried to hula but it was just a bit small. the birthday girl just nodded her head and shook her booty in imitation. funny!!
i have very mixed emotions about going "home." it hasn't been my home for a long time and though family members are there, the town just doesn't sit right with me. whenever i drive into city limits i get this knot in my stomach, a kind of dread and apprehension. none of the people i grew up with, or at least were close to, live there anymore and maybe that is part of my emotions. i think i also have these mini flashbacks to some not so great experiences in high school, which by no means were regular occurances, but stick out nonetheless. i KNOW that i still have feelings wrapped up in my family relations and i'm not afraid to admit those. (wow, a breakthrough in therapy). this is where my mom lived and died and that still gets to me. i have a very wonderful and loving relationship with my step-family (stepdad, sis, and bro) and now all our family moments are combined with my stepsis & stepbrother's mom, as well as my sister in law's family. it's like everyone has a direct family relation there but me, since my brothers live in another state and my mom and dad are deceased. yet, no one ever makes me feel like an outsider....and i don't feel like an outsider....i think i just long for the people who are not there. i'm not sure that makes sense. hard to find the right words to explain it.
so to sum it all up....had a good day with the family, the whole huge combined family, and even in a crowd it's possible to be alone.
it's going to be a busy week at work so if i don't blog much it's because i've pulled all my hair out and am out shopping for a wig.
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