I have a hard time taking compliments. Don't analyze that statement, I don't want to hear about it. I'm just stating a fact. And, it's a rare thing that I will talk about what I'm good at (of course, it's much easier to talk about what I'm BAD at). But, I'm going to talk about myself, so there!
As most of my readers (all 5 of you) know, I'm a HIV/AIDS social worker. I've been doing this a long time and was doing caregiving on a volunteer basis even before this. I know, glutton for punishment or something....
There's really no comprehensive job description for what my co-workers and I do. We just do whatever needs to be done. Sometimes, this involves silly mounds of paperwork, referrals to worthless resources, and the endless advocacy for money and medicine.
I can't fathom what it's like to be a client--to allow a case manager/social worker into my life and rely on that person for my life sustaining medications and services. When I stop to think about it, it's fairly humbling. I will freely admit that we sometimes get attached to our clients. After all, we're human. Well, I'm human, I'm not so sure about my other two co-workers.
Over the years I have lost several clients to the disease, it's just part of it all. Right now I have a very dear client ill and in the hospital. A few weeks ago he called me to come over and discuss end of life issues with him. He calmly accepts that this might be the end for him. I admire this person greatly because he has always been outspoken and comfortable with himself as a person living with AIDS. He is intelligent, funny, and loving.
Tonight I visited him in ICU and we chatted just a bit. He's still showing some hope and will to live. I don't know what will happen in the next few days and weeks and I don't dare speculate. But whatever happens, I know he will be at peace because he's at peace with himself and those around him.
Yes, these situations are difficult---for the patient and their families. Yet, I surprise myself. I realized tonight that I am good at what I do. I am calm. My voice radiates compassion and love. I know that the act of "touch" can provide comfort. I am not afraid. I realize that I draw on my inner strength as well as my spiritual foundation and use that strength to minister to my clients. Even though I left the ministry a long time ago, I am still ministering.
The transition from this life to everlasting is an amazing & beautiful journey. That may sound strange but if you have never witnessed transition then you may not understand.
I will grieve if I lose this patient. After all, I AM human. But, my comfort comes from God and yes, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
I guess my prayer tonight is a simple one: God be with all those ill and in pain, God be with this client and his family, and God continue to bless me with an open heart and caring hands.
3 comments:
See, this is why I love you. Why you (or anyone else, for that matter) love me is something utterly beyond my ken.
I'd just like to point out that you never left the ministry - you left seminary!! Those are two VERY different things! There are lots of us who do those things that God calls us to that don't happen to be formally "in" the church. Have you considered becoming a Deaconess? You already have the job of "love, justice, and service" and probably most (if not all) of the class work... :) We'd love to have you!!
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