Limbo

This past weekend I was in Washington D.C. for YD meetings. Several days before I had received an e-mail from a college friend, alerting me to the declining health of Danette, another college friend. When I was a freshman/sophomore, Danette was a leader in the United Methodist Student Fellowship. She was also a Kappa Phi. She worked church camps, lead music a lot, and was an overall really neat woman. She had a bouncy spirit about her, cheerful and funny, thoughtful and sincere. I still have a letter she wrote me once, after a week of camp, and she and I had spent some serious time together talking about God and our place in ministry.
So, my friend emailed me that Danette was declining in health having been diagnosed a couple of years ago with a rare form of ovarian cancer. I immediately went to Danette's website to get the latest updates and have spent so much time the past few days thinking about her, her family and how amazing this woman is. To tell the truth, I've been a little angry---not really sure at whom, but angry still....I guess I'm angry at cancer. I am REALLY tired of cancer destroying people I know. Doesn't that sound stupid---I mean, I get angry/upset about other ailments and diseases but for some reason cancer keeps appearing.
My flight Sunday night was smooth and I watched the sun set from my airplane seat. I had a long talk with God from seat 3A. I started by giving thanks for a safe flight and a beautiful sunset. I also prayed for Danette and her husband, as well as their 5 small children. I felt suspended in reality--below me was the world and above me was infinity. I realized that this is how I saw Danette right now, stuck between life and eternity and torn between staying and going. I pray that Danette finds the peace and healing her body so desparately needs. I also pray for comfort for her family, especially their children.

A part of me can't help but wonder how a merciful and loving God can justify cancer in a person like Danette...or Shelly...or my mother....why those people? why not me? there is nothing i have ever done or will ever do that can come close to what those three have...so why not me? i just don't understand sometimes.