I'm not ignoring you---I can't hear you

Tonight I went to the grocery store and did massive shopping. I despise grocery shopping. it's one of those thing i wish i could delegate to others. anyhoo, i get to the check out and unload everything onto the little conveyer belt for the attendant to scan. there wasn't room for the bag of potatoes so i held it up so she could use her hand held scanner and then i could just put it back into the cart. i stood there holding the bag for a minute before she noticed and then she scanned it and i put it down. i didn't think anything of it, that it took her a moment. then, i realize she is talking to me. i can't understand what she is saying and had to ask her to repeat 3 times before it got it. she sounded really irritated and said "you should have told me you were standing there." i was confused then realized that she was talking about when i was holding up the bag of potatoes. i told her it was not a problem but she continued talking, saying that i should clear my throat or something to let her know i was there. i was still having a problem hearing her b/c the grocery store is loud (especially with registers and scanners beeping, ppl talking, etc). I told her that i can't hear what she is saying because i am deaf. Ok, so slight exaggeration on my part. BUT, i am VERY hard of hearing in my right ear (childhood infection) and in noisy places I have difficulty distinguishing noises. After i said that I was deaf she started talking in a very loud and slow voice. I tried not to laugh. Then, she points to the total on the register screen and holds up her hands to show the numbers (like holding up five fingers and point to the number 5). I'm still trying not to laugh. The young woman bagging the groceries finished and I told her thank you, to which the woman responded for me to have a nice night. I echoed the same to her and I saw the cashier looking at me like "how did you hear her?" I just looked at the cashier and said "oh I read lips very well." As I left the store i thought about the whole exchange. Up until I told the cashier that I couldn't hear she was kind of snippy with me. Her tone changed and while she was trying TOO hard (by pointing at the numbers and holding up her hands), I can see that at least she was trying to be accomodating.
I am thankful for what hearing I have. I need to be more mindful and sensitive to people around me who might be struggling to hear or to see or to walk or to read. Being differently abled doesn't mean a person needs special treatment, just maybe a different approach.
Who would have thought that a trip to the grocery store would be such a teaching moment?

Go ahead, make my day

As I prepped for work last night I decided I really wanted a salad for dinner. I stopped by Panera and as I drove in the parking lot I saw that the place was pretty quiet (assuring a parking spot). As I pulled into one of the front "10 Minute To Go" spots, a pick up in the spot next to me starts backing out. It doesn't appear that the truck sees I am there and before she hits me (I could see the driver) I tapped my horn and honked once at her. It wasn't the long HONNNNNKKKKK, it was a short BEEP. She stopped, looked all around and then noticed me, in which during that time I slid into my space. All's well, right? Well, apparently she was NOT happy that I beeped at her! The lady pulls her pick up right behind my car, angled lengthwise and starts yelling at me! I am watching through my mirrors and decided to wait until she pulled away before I got out of my car. She yells Get out of the car! I'm thinking, uhhhh nope, I'm staying right here crazy lady. Well then I hear her put the truck in park and she gets out and walks up to my window. I wasn't scared but I was trying to avoid anything messy. She was short and skinny--I was pretty sure I could take her down if I had to (i don't advocate violence at all). She leans in toward my window and is yelling and hollering at me, saying she has a toothache and she stopped in to buy soup & the sun was in her eyes and she couldn't see me. She then yelled that it was rude of me to honk at her and to get all grumpy but I DON'T FEEL WELL AND I JUST CAME TO GET SOUP. I am thinking uh yeah, not feeling well is the least of your problems hon. I was very calm and wasn't a smart ass when she would ask me something and I didn't try to egg her on. THEN, as she is ranting she seems to make herself more worked up and she starts cursing and being nasty. So, I held up my cell phone and said if you continue to threaten me I will call 911 and let the police work this out. She called me a few more names and then got back in her truck, all the time yelling "I don't feel good." The smart alec in me came out as she walked away yelling this and I said "well obviously!" I'm lucky she didn't ram my car as she drove away.
I went in to get my salad and I laughed about the whole thing. Obviously this woman was having a bad day. But, i hope that she realizes how much danger she put herself in. Sure, I get mad at other drivers but mentally (and silently) I rave about them and then move on. She put herself in a lot of danger by getting out of her car and confronting me at my car window. I also noticed how calm and non-anxious I was during the whole ordeal, which is a good trait b/c i didn't allow myself to get all caught up in HER drama.

Well lady from Panera, I hope your tooth is better. If you still need to rave, call me on the crisis line...I work from six to midnight.

Back to blogging

I haven't blogged in a LONG time. After getting into Facebook I started using that as a blog space. I decided to go ahead and come back here, who knows if it will last. Due to changes in my life I feel the need to write (as writing helps ease anxiety and stress). The changes aren't bad but I don't deal with major change so easily and just the act of change causes me anxiety.
So what's new you ask? Well, I left my job where I did case management for the elderly and disabled. I was there about a year and a half but it was time to move on. My big reason for leaving was to do my final internship for my social work program. There was no way to keep that full time job and intern full time.

I started a part time job this week. I am working at a crisis line, answering calls from various sources. One line is for those who just need someone to talk to--maybe they are a little depressed or having a rough time. There's also a line for folks looking for information on social service resources, which we look up in a comprehensive database. I've only been there two nights (I work 6pm to midnight) but I LOVE it. I think it's going to be a great place for me. It's a good use of my social work skills.

My internship for school has been a little messed up so I haven't started yet. I hope to get going by early next week. I did talk with OU and switched to an extended practicum, so i won't actually finish until end of July. That's ok with me though because it means I only intern about 18-22 hours per week, instead of 36-40 like I was scheduled. The new schedule allows me to actually sleep at night for more than 5 hours. ugh.

That's life at the moment. More updates to come soon as I get back into the swing of blogging.