comfort the afflicted

My job as an HIV/AIDS social worker sometimes means doing what has to be done. my job description is relatively vague and it's kind of hard to put "sit with the dying" on paper and still retain employees.

several months ago i got a new client, a man i'll call Michael, who was very very ill when he was dumped in Oklahoma City by another social service agency that just didn't know how to help him. i remember that Michael hadn't showered in several days, had a huge decubitus on his backside, was an active drug user, had pneumonia, diabetes, and goodness knows what else (on top of AIDS).
i accompanied him to the ER and spent over 10 hours waiting for him to be admitted. we talked some during that time...i knew he had no family in state and didn't want me to try and contact anyone. he said he had two kids but they didn't know about his health condition. he never would give me a name or number of a family member.
he knew he was very sick. he knew that he needed a shower. he knew that his situation was grim. he was calm, polite, and grateful that this hospital was paying attention to him (2 others had barely looked at him). he was admitted and 10 days later he died. i was never able to get an emergency contact person from him. a local funeral home cremated him. there were no services.

every once in a while i get calls from the hospital that treated this gentleman, hoping that i had found a family member or someone to pay his outstanding bills.

on thursday i got a call from Michael's sister and she lives in another state. she and her family (including his parents) had been searching for him for months and by accident were notified that he had died over 7 months ago. she gave me the legal releases i needed and i was able to tell her about what led up to her brother's death. she cried as i recounted the events of those last 10 days of life. she told me of their family and how they were mourning their loss and struggling for answers and for closure.
his family was able to get his remains and give him a proper memorial.

i choked up and cried while finishing my recounting to the sister. until that moment i hadn't realized that i needed that closure too--of knowing that Michael's family knew and that they did indeed love him.

it's funny---i dropped out of the ministry a long time ago only to enter a secular ministry.

sometimes i wonder if God is testing me.

Does it help to be prepared?

Before anyone gets ruffled by the title of the post let me say that this is NOT an attack on anyone about the Hurricane. Instead, it's an invitation to dialogue.

My friends think I'm nuts because I love to study and observe Christian groups out of the mainstream. To me, mainstream includes the Presbyterians (PCUSA), United Methodists, Southern Baptists, Nazarene, Catholic, and a few others. Maybe mainstream is the wrong word....popular? Anyway, I like to learn about Christian groups/faiths that I am not so familiar with.

One group I have studied extensively are the Latter Day Saints, otherwise known as Mormons or the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (LDS). I have not yet read the whole Book of Mormon but I've read enough. I have read many books on the LDS including bits on their history, theology, and place in modern day America. The local missionaries know that I'm not keen on converting but am always up for a good conversation and I'll cook them a decent meal. (Missionaries are practically starved). Anyhoo--one big push of the Church is that all adult Saints should have emergency provisions on hand. They emphasize more than just a few gallons of water and some MRE's....we're talking a year's worth of food and supply storage. It's not uncommon for young married LDS kids to be given a 20 lb barrel of flour for a house warming present. Couples, and singles, are expected to put aside large amounts of money and build their home storage for themselves and their loved ones.
Ok...I can see the need for being prepared in case of national or natural disaster. But, how practical is it to store several MONTHS worth of food/water/provisions? I think about the Louisana people and how they were lucky to even get themselves out. Here's a huge natural disaster and their homes are gone....so what good was that supply of provisions?

I don't bring this up to be argumentative but am more curious as to what an LDS response might be. I don't know if I can get one of my Mormon friends to respond here but if I find out a good answer I'll let you all know. In the meantime, feel free to chime in and comment.

Aftermath

The ruins of Hurricane Katrina are all over the news and papers. I must admit that I keep the tv tuned to MSNBC to watch all the developments. I cannot comprehend what the La and Miss residents are going through. Apparently the refugees that were in the Superdome are now being bused to Houston, where they can stay for MONTHS if needed. Can you imagine living in a sports dome for months???

The United Methodist Committee on Relief (www.umcor.org) is a reliable site in which to make donations of supplies or money. Please give.

Up, up, and away!!

Gasoline prices jumped today because of the hurricane (Katrina). I swear I saw gas for $2.50 on Sunday and then today it was $2.75. Isn't that gouging or something??

Community

We had three people join the church today--is always a blessing when people want to formally align and walk in faith. In the United Methodist Church, we have a short ritual/set of questions that are asked when a person comes to join. After one has answered the questions of intent and faith we, as a congregation, respond with the following:
We give thanks for all that God has already given you and we welcome you in Christian love. As members together with you in the body of Christ and in this congregation of the United Methodist Church, we renew our covenant faithfully to participate in the ministries of the church by our prayers, our presence, our gifts, and our service, that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. Amen.
I've said this statement many, many times over the years and it flows easily from my lips. I love this renewal of the vows I made to the Church many years ago and how United Methodists everywhere have a common bond through this witness of faith and action. This is community.

Three to tangle

YES, i know the expression is "it takes three to tango" but "tangle" seemed so much more appropriate for this entry.
tonight my friend Dwayne came in from Arkansas for the weekend. he thinks Oklahoma City is more exciting than Fayetteville...he's probably right. he's become pretty good friends with two friends of mine, whom i'll call James and Danny. so, Dwayne and I had dinner at James' and Danny's and then they had a little cocktail party with several ppl. Afterward, we all went out to The Copa to dance and whatever. It was a busy night at the club and we actually had to stand in line to get in. I should have some sort of Diva VIP pass. I mean, me--Rachel--standing in line with all the common people?? Please. Oh wait, I'm off topic.........so we danced for a couple of hours at the club and stayed until closing. Dwayne was going back home with James and Danny and I'm not sure i want to know any more than that.....like I said, it takes three to tangle.
Boys.

remembering mom

today is the 4 yr anniversary of when my mom died. needless to say, i miss her. i am very glad that i just spent the last week with my brothers because it helps connect us all.
my plan is to keep myself busy at work today and then have some down time tonight, relaxing, praying, and remembering. forgive me if i seem emotional or sappy today. it comes with the territory. my mom was a wonderful woman and we all miss her. i cry not because i'm so down or disrought, but there's just so much to miss. yes, i remember lots of good things and they make me smile or laugh. mom loved music and singing. we used to sing rounds in the car. she would wake me up in the morning by singing (loudly....and high pitched). makes me smile just to think about it.

what i keep repeating to myself is that THESE are the memories that sustain me. they make her feel closer. i remember because i love her and miss her.

time for me to make my annual donation to the American Cancer Society. this also helps me (constructively) memorialize her. the painful memories linger in my mind but they aren't what controls me. i admit that sometimes they get the better of me but mom was so much more than her cancer.

thank goodness for my faith, which mom and dad instilled in all of us, to give me strength and peace.

in memory of my mom.

She sells sea shells

So, for our vacation this year we went out to the lovely village of Montauk, on the Eastern tip of Long Island. It was the whole family, minus Doug and his crew. This was one of my favorite spots for vacation I think, because we still had access to stores and technology yet were secluded enough to not be consumed by any of it. Well, I do have to recount our first day in Montauk....see, my steppappy loves coffee. He drinks it day and night. So, while we were driving out to Montauk he pointed out every single Starbucks that we passed. So, our first morning he wants Starbucks. Ok, we're on vacation, I can dig that. So, we set out for the nearest one but don't really remember where that is. Yeah, turns out its like a 20 minute drive away, two towns over. Crazy. All this for coffee?? It was amusing. He's so easy to please. Give him a cup of coffee and a NY Times and he's happy. For the most part we spent the week sleeping late, eating seafood, catching up with the kids, and enduring the cold ocean water. That's my kind of vacation. I actually didn't find any seashells but I did bring home a few rocks. (what happened to seashells at the beach?? is global warming destroying all the shells?) As stupid as it sounds, I kept hoping to see a shark in the shallow water near the beach. Yup, I've been watching too many movies.

Family vacation 2005

Just got home from the annual family vacation. we went out on Long Island this year, to the lovely village of Montauk. it was a good time. we spent a lot of time on the beach and playing in the ocean and i got a lovely, painful sunburn. ah, memories. i am so proud of my nieces and nephews....6 of the 8 were on this trip. they range in age from 5 to 17 and it's so amazing to see watch them grow into their own sense of self. they are good kids. funny. witty. polite. bitchy. loving. smart. i expected them to be all those things but it's still amazing to watch the process (of growing up) unfold. i'll post more about the vacation later...i'm too tired now to do it.

Chills

Today the 9/11 Commission started releasing various text and audio transcripts from their post 9/11 inquiries. the NY Times online has posted most or all of it for the public to browse through. i listened to quite a bit of audio today and you can't imagine the chills it gave me. it's powerful stuff....go to www.nytimes.com to view/listen. you have to register with the online site but there's no charge and you won't get spammed.

role models

I just returned from our Young Democrats of America convention in San Francisco, CA. It was a CRAZY busy week but I had a lot of fun. The best part was seeing friends from all over and being able to spend time with liberal, like minded political hacks. My term as the Vice President of Programs is over and I am relieved to not be an officer again. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed what I did but there's too much bull that goes into running for YDA office. This was the first time in like 10 years that there were contested elections and they were NASTY. There were two teams competing for the 9 offices and dirty, shady, underhanded politics occured all week. People's jobs were threatened back home if they didn't vote one certain way....reputations were trashed, rumors started, voters intimidated, voices suppressed....Hard to believe this is an organization of Democrats! When it was all said and done only a few people that I liked were elected, Lauren Goode and Rob Dolin. They will be the voices of reason and sanity to a control freak of a president. My state president, Kathy North, lost her race for the vice president of development but i am very, very proud of her. she didn't compromise herself, cut deals, or sell out our state. she was one of very few people who can say that. she had a hard race to win and she did the best she could and i couldn't be more proud of her. it's going to take me some time to recover from this convention. i love young democrats but i have never seen a race within an organization get so nasty.

Remembering

I'm in San Francisco right now, attending the national convention of the Young Democrats of America. It's a great time & I am loving seeing friends and political buddies.

I was so busy today with our Platform meeting (I'm co-chairing the platform development process). Then, something tonight clicked in my brain and I remembered that today would have been my father's birthday. Dad would have been 71. It all kind of runs together these days. So, once I remembered Dad I stopped and said a little prayer for him, for me, and for my family.

I don't dwell on these sort of anniversaries, at least I don't anymore. They used to really bother me but as time as gone by I have evolved in my reactions. I miss him for other reasons, not because it's his birthday. I guess I should remember to stop and pray a little more, I don't need a reason like an anniversary/birthday/etc to do that.

In memory of my dad...............

love,
rachel

Caution: Donkey Crossing

Tomorrow afternoon I leave for San Francisco for our Young Democrats of America convention (www.yda.org). I am really looking forward to seeing a bunch of folks, hanging with friends for several days, and seeing all the crazy cat-fights that I predict will happen. For the past two years I have served as the Vice President of Programs for the Young Dems and while it's been a good time I am ready to give up my crown. I didn't accomplish everything I wanted to accomplish but I don't think my time has been wasted in the organization. There are two people vying to replace me and I like both of them. No matter who is elected they will do a good job representing the organization.
I think it's great we are going to San Francisco--I mean, what better place for a bunch of Democrats to hang?? I hope to have a little free time to roam the city and see some of the sights I didn't get to see the last time I was there. I'll have e-mail while I'm there but if there's not much posting or emailing from me don't be surprised......Go Democrats!

regrets vs. responsibilities

I'm having a dilemma. does this purse match these shoes? just kiddin on that one. ok....so, the 2006 election cycle is gearing up and i really want to work on a campaign. not just volunteer, but work a campaign. i could be a manager or at least an assistant if i found the right race. yet, that would mean having to leave my very secure (yet very boring unfulfilling) job and taking something that would only last through November '06 and be over. plus, i would probably have to relocate for the campaign and would have to rent out my house or something. i'm very very torn because i'm afraid that if i never take a chance at running a campaign i'll regret it. yet, i can't just drop everything i have here and go running off for a year. just when did i become an adult and what happened to my carefree years???? ugh....what to do..............

My own little village

I was watching "The Village" tonight on cable. I've seen the movie a few times and in fact own it on DVD. I liked it the first several times I saw it but now I'm beginning to think that it truly is a stupid movie. I mean, at face value it's good but if you get to thinking about all the little details it just doesn't add up. Like, how can they live secluded all those years and never be seen by anyone? Where do they get all their livestock and produce? Cloth for dresses? Books for teaching? Come on people, get realistic. And WHY would the dad send his blind daughter into the woods by herself???? Why didn't he escort her at least part of the way. It just doesn't make sense to me. It's probably not supposed to make sense.......So, I got to thinking what it would be like if I formed my own little village. That sort of seclusion and isolation might be nice for a while but I'd have to have internet or something. I would make some rule that all men must bow and hail me as Princess. Children would all live together in a communal home, where they would learn conflict management, sharing, and the support of surrogate siblings. Young women will learn auto mechanics and young men will take cake decorating classes. There will be a huge wonderful vegetable garden and we will create a new species of tomatoes that have no seeds and slimy junk in them, only the red flesh. Oh, and there will be a secret patch of marijuana but only I will know it's location. Remember, this is an IMAGINARY village. Sigh. You know, I probably shouldn't create blog posts at 1:30 in the morning.

Girl Talk

I'm amused at how women can talk so freely with one another, even if they don't know the person they're talking to. This afternoon I wandered down to the hospital gift shop to buy a soda and was chatting with the clerk. I've seen her around the hospital but I don't know her or anything. We were talking about the weather because it's been freakin hot in Oklahoma lately (I think it was like 105 today) and I HATE this weather. I'm telling you--the minute I walk outside my head starts pouring sweat---it's completely nasty. But anysnooch---the gift shop clerk and I are moaning about the heat and she comments on how she hates wearing tight clothes. She motioned to the flowing dress she was wearing and said that it was loose and comfortable so she doesn't feel like she's got something clinging to her. I laughed and said that I totally understood--nothing worse than a blouse stuck to your back. Then, she said "As soon as I get home I strip down and put on my pajamas." Uh, ok. Now, was it really necessary for me to know this?? I'm all for being comfortable and wearing clothes that make you happy, but did she need to tell a complete stranger that she strips down and puts on pj's? My guess is men don't talk about this stuff. Yet, men also don't have the curse of wearing a bra and let me tell you--if they had to wear one there would be a lot more gritching going on! You want to talk comfort, then let's talk about how the best part of the day is being able to come home and free the twins. Yeah, it also helps to say "free the twins" as you remove the cursed clothing article.

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood. I live in a strange and wonderful world.
Peace!

To kill or not to kill

Before anyone runs out and calls the police, you should know that my blog title is about a spider.
I've been typing away on the computer for about 15 minutes and I just noticed there's a spider on the wall to my left. Now, if you know me at all, you know that I detest spiders with all of my heart and soul. To say that I have arachnaphobia is an understatement. It doesn't matter what the size of the spider is--I'm sooooo not comfortable around them. So, the spider is not moving at the moment but I can't decide if I should kill it or just let it be. Yet, what if it moves and gets closer to where I am? Or what if it's poisionous and bites me and I die? What if it breeds millions of baby spiders and they take over my house and spin giant webs and use me for a cocoon? I'm starting to freak myself out.

I'll ask the spider for forgiveness before I smash it. Sorry dude, you have to go...........

Mis-fortune

I wonder if it really means something if you get a fortune cookie that has spelling errors. Friday night my fortune said, "your life will be wonderf***" and that's it. Wonderful? Wonderfilled? Wonderfucked? The worst fortune I've ever received said "You lover Chinese food." Well duh. But wonderf***??? At least it didn't say "you will get hit by a car today." There....that's optimism!!

Reconnecting

The past two nights I have gone out to Lake Hefner and watched the sunset. It's so beautiful out there, peaceful and quiet. I sat on the ledge of the concrete barrier and watched people fish, felt the breeze off the water, and pondered existence. Sometimes I have to make myself have quiet time, away from phones and computers and people. I admit that I have a fear of quietness because I don't always want to hear what my mind has to say. But, I also recognize that when I slow down I hear God better and I so crave some spiritual uplifting in my life right now. I'm not getting it through church and it will probably be that way for a while so I have to seek it elsewhere. Not that my relationship with God is rocky right now b/c it's not but I haven't put much effort into prayer lately and I can feel that void in myself. So, I'm making a conscious effort to reconnect with myself and hear more of what my instincts tell me.

Praying for Shelly right now--melanoma related brain tumors and a rocky future ahead. Hang in there girl.

Movie review: War of the Worlds

WARNING-movie spoiler below.
Went to see War of the Worlds with Danny, Pat, John & Diana this afternoon. I have not seen the original "War" but overall I thought it was a good movie. The beginning was a little lame because I'm sorry--if some alien being/machine was coming out of the ground people would NOT be standing around in a tight circle gawking. I don't care if it's NYC and they are used to weird people and things, folks would be running for their lives. But, once you got past the initial overly dramatic pieces you kind of sank into the story. Of course I'm a big fraidy cat so every time the music would get menacing I would cringe and wait for a monster to pop out. Special effects are great and I'm constantly amazed at the ability of computers and graphics. Tom Cruise attempts to play the tough guy dad but both his character and his true personality fail to totally live up. Dakota Fanning is getting better and better as she gets older. Don't know who played the son but it doesn't really matter as it appears he gets killed off. Anyhoo---I recommend seeing the movie if only for the pure entertainment.

The movie did make me think a little (go figure...ME thinking on a Saturday). All these people are running in fear of the aliens and struggling so hard to stay alive, even as everything and everyone around them are being destroyed. Call it a cop out, but I think if that were happening around me I would just say my goodbyes and let myself go. I mean come on, who wants to live in a planet filled with alien machines, no electricity, no food or water, and all your family & friends dead? At that point it's time to just "go home to see my Maker." Wow, the Southern Fundamentalist in me just came out. Scary. What's even funnier is I'm neither Southern nor Fundamental.

Ok, that' s my review. Go see the movie. But, if big ass alien machines come out of a pothole tonight don't expect to see me trotting down the street. Me and the cat will be dozing in my bed.

My first laptop

Well, I bought my first laptop computer today. I've been shopping around for a long time and finally bite the bullet. I got a Toshiba S325 and it's pretty. :-) Ok, it's not pretty, but it looks like it will be a good one. Damn well better be. I will pick it up in about an hour from the store (having software and junk installed) and then will have the rest of this 4th of July weekend to play with it! Fun! Big purchases scare me but I think this was a good one.

Happy 4th of July! Don't drink & drive.

This car brakes for pythons

Before I begin this post I must confess that it's hard to come up with a blog title that contains the word "python" without it sounding sexual. I think I've been hanging around boys too long.

In this day of modern technology I have discovered the joy of adding distinctive ring tones to my cell phone. The standard "ring ring" is so boring.......For the past couple of months I've had GreenDay's "Good Riddance" as my tone and at Christmas it was Eric Cartman (of South Park) singing "O Holy Night." While scrolling through my ring possibilities I discovered a whole section on Monty Python! Joy! Yay! I downloaded "The Lumberjack Song" as my ring and every time it goes off I giggle. In fact, I laughed so much the other day I couldn't even speak when I tried to answer. Who would have thought that a cell phone could bring so much joy? Since I loved that song so much I decided to download another. Now, when I have messages, the cue tone is an excerpt from "The Holy Grail," a piece on the Knights who say "Ni." I love it, just love it. Monty Python rocks.

Catching up with myself

I realize it's been ages and ages since my last post though I doubt anyone truly missed my pointless ramblings. Lots has happened over the past few weeks. Our new pastor started at the church. Someone told my boss that I'm worst employee ever. I decided not to go to graduate school in the fall. And, I threw up for three days straight.

So that's everything in my world....how is yours?

Things I learned in Detroit

I got home this morning from a quick trip to Detroit. This was my last Young Democrats of America business meeting before our national convention in San Francisco. For the past two years I have served as Vice President of Programs for YDA and in August my term will be up. It's been a good time but I'm ready to pass the torch.
These meetings are always crazy and fun. We spend all day being professional and political then at night we stay up late and laugh a lot. And yes, there is usually alcohol involved. Ok, that's a mis-statement, there is ALWAYS alcohol involved. I don't normally drink but this weekend I decided what the hey. Now that I'm home and trying to recover from the weekend I've devised a short list of what I learned in the last 72 hours.
1. Don't talk loudly about owning a Honda when in Detroit. Those darn UAW members don't seem like to import cars.
2. If you despise someone named Giovanni, make sure to shoot daggers out of your eyes whenever he comes near you or tries to suck up for your vote.
3. When intoxicated (not that I've ever been) it's probably not a good thing to wander around a strange city in search of your hotel.
4. When intoxicated, it's not helpful to text message friends and tell them you are drunk and lost and can't find your hotel.
5. When intoxicated, it's also not helpful to wake up friends in Florida to tell them you can't find your hotel.
6. What happens in Detroit stays in Detroit.

What a weekend. I'm getting too old for this.

Sorry Gaila!

While I know it's hard to fathom that I am anything less than perfect, I must admit that I was a bit grumpy today at work. I have not had much sleep over the past several nights and it's catching up with me. There were moments today when I noticed my co-worker, Happy Gaila, shooting me these "die bitch die" looks, mostly when I was being grumpy and frumpy (which was pretty much every time I opened my mouth). I do apologize for my behavior today Happy Gaila. Lucky for me though--she likes me better than she does our other co-worker so it will take me longer to alienate her. *grin*

Community of faith

Tonight was the annual Ordination & Commissioning service for the Oklahoma Conference of the United Methodist Church. This service is my favorite worship service of the year. We crazy Methodists only ordain clergy members once a year so there's usually 25 or more people going through this process. The service begins with a processional of all the ordinands and the assisting clergy, while the entire sanctuary sings "Lift High the Cross." ...Lift high the cross, the love of Christ proclaimed, till all the world adore His sacred name. Powerful words--coming to life by the empowering of clergy-to-be to go witness & work in the world. I basically grew up in the Oklahoma Annual Conference and I love going back each year to see friends from college, old pastors, and pastor friends I have worked with over the years. It's also a little sad for me too because had I stayed in seminary and on the clergy track then I would have been ordained a few years ago. I can't help but feel a twinge of regret and longing. Several college friends of mine were ordained this year and I was so proud to stand in solidarity for them as they were being blessed by our Bishop. Congrats to Trina, Patrick, Kyle, Robyn, Charles, and Jack.
I had a sort of flashback/ah-ha moment during the service tonight. I realized that I am at my happiest when I am in church. It is where I am most comfortable, am myself, am connected to everyone & everything, and when I feel most empowered. I like the person I am when I am communing with God. Now, I just have to figure out how to make my day to day life more like that. I'm not like some split personality or anything, but I know that I am a better person when I am in "church" mode and being that better person is something I need to do for myself as well as those around me.

Today was a good day. :-)

Happy Birthday Aspasia

Today, Memorial Day, is the one year birthday of Aspasia coming to live with me. A year ago I decided to go to a local animal sanctuary, www.petsandpeople.com and check out the cats. It had been years since I had a pet but I had been cat-sitting for a couple of weeks for some friends and it made me long for one of my own. When I went out to the shelter I was looking for an older cat (didn't want a kitten) and who was already declawed. When I met Aspasia she was very friendly, licked my hand, and seemed right for me. The shelter worker pulled her file and told me that she was labeled as "unadoptable." Of course, that piqued my interest. The records showed her as having FIV, the feline immunodeficiency virus. FIV is not dangerous to humans but very much shortens the life span and health of a kitty. Most places euthanize cats with FIV but thankfully Pets and People is a no-kill shelter. Well, I went home to think about the cats I had seen and two days later came back to get Aspasia. She didn't freak out on the ride home--in fact, she never made a sound. I kept looking back to see if she was still alive. I pondered a name for a few days (she came with the name Annie) and after much research came up with Aspasia--which means "welcome" in Greek. I'm not into human names on pets.
As it turns out, she does NOT have FIV but she does have feline leukemia. Her expected life span is shorter than most cats but she lives a very happy & stress free life with me. I love her very much. So, happy birthday dear Aspasia. Thanks for being my baby.

A delicate palate!

My darling kitty, Aspasia, is quite the gourmet! I discovered tonight that she has a fondness for Brie cheese. It's wonderful to have another princess around the house!

Therapy will cost you a dollar

When I was in college friends used to call me "Ann Landers" because it seemed people were always coming to me for advice. Actually, they may not have been coming for advice but I'm a good listener so they got the advice part thrown in. Regardless, I am still one of those people that others talk to and what not. That's not arrogance, just stating a fact. I guess that's part of what makes me a good social worker--I listen to try and really hear what the person is saying. I'd like to think that I'm not judgmental though I know I sometimes get ruffled. But, I think I am going to start charging a dollar for the use of my listening ears or wise words. What the heck--I'm getting old & the money can go towards hearing aids so I can keep listening to you people.
Ok, so I'm really not complaining about being there for my friends. I think I'm just drained from a long day at work. Yesterday I spent quite a bit of time talking with a dear friend who is very depressed and feels like the world is against her. Then, I spent 2 hours on the phone with a client tonight who just needed to talk and burn off energy to keep him from going and seeking out some crystal meth. Ah, the things I do for love.............

The monies collected will go to pay for school, hair-ball medicine for the cat, and maybe a box of Kleenex. You don't have to send a dollar every time we talk---I can start a tab. Aaron--you already owe me $4,589.00 . Ha!

peace & grace people.................

dead man walking

An Oklahoma jury has once again handed down a sentence of "death" for a convicted murderer. Ricky Malone, of Duncan, will eventually be executed for the death of State Trooper Nikky Green. I don't know how to add a story link to this blog so if you want to read the news article go to www.newsok.com (oh wait, maybe the link is there now) and you'll see the whole deal.
Now, I didn't know Nik Green but I knew of him. He was killed on Dec 26, 2004, near my hometown of Walters. There's no doubt that Ricky Malone did it & the whole murder was caught on the dash-cam of the troopers vehicle. Many people in Walters knew Nik and he was well respected. Trooper Green was young, had a family, and [obviously] didn't deserve to die. But, I don't believe Ricky Malone deserves to die either. I have always been against the death penalty and it distresses me how often this verdict is handed down. Oklahoma and Texas seem to be battling for the title of "most killed" in executions and frankly it disgusts me how each state brags about who's done it more. I'm NOT saying that the murderer should be set free and I'm not denying his guilt. However, execution is such a hypocritical solution. Don't give me that "eye for an eye" bull. I don't see my state changing it's stance anytime soon but you can bet I'll be out there protesting at the next execution. And we call ourselves a civilized nation...............

too lame to even give it a title

Hello boys and girls, this post will be lame (you can thank me later for the warning). If i don't post every few days Dynanner's gets onto me so I figure I better drum something up. I have a new reader---everybody welcome Shane----HI SHANE. He reads when he's bored at work and hey, he works at a seminary so why wouldn't he be bored?? Ok, so I can't even think of anything else to post so I'm going to go watch South Park and go to bed.

I'm paying you for this??

Here's the latest on my application to social work school. After not hearing anything when they said letters went out two weeks ago, I gave up on calling and sent an e-mail. The admissions secretary responded today with "...we show that you withdrew your application so therefore you would not receive a letter [from our office]." Uhhhh....what? Yeah. I called and it appears that my file was marked as "withdrawn" even though I never called, wrote, or e-mailed that as my intention. They have NO IDEA how this happened but apparently my application was NEVER reviewed by the admissions committee. The secretary said she would have to speak to the program chair and find out if there is anything they can do but more than likely I'll be put on the waiting list.
This doesn't give me much confidence in the program I am applying for. I'm supposed to shell out several thousands of dollars to these people and they can't even get the basic paperwork right?

I'm in limbo. Looks like school will be delayed for a while.
Stay tuned.

Happy Mother's Day

I received a Mother's Day card from my cat the other day. It's a cartoon with the Mom sleeping in bed and the cat standing on her chest, peering into her face. The caption reads, "funny--I don't see any family resemblance." My sweet kitty---I'm so proud of her for sending me a card.

Though my Mom isn't around anymore she is still on my heart and mind so I wish her a Happy Mother's Day.
I have several surrogate mom's in my world and I'm truly thankful for all of them. Thank you Diana, Pat, Monica, and Cindi. You are incredible friends and role models.

Wow, I'm gushy today aren't I? Blah.

Prom 2005

You may not believe it, but I went to a prom this year! Yes, I'm a little old to be going but actually I was a chaperone. My church, Epworth United Methodist, was the host site for the Young Gay Lesbian Alliance 2005 Prom. This was the first such all-inclusive prom for the teens and it was a huge success. There were approximately 100 kids there and they danced, laughed, and hung out for the night. Many remarked how they couldn't believe a church would let them have a gay prom, but that's just the kind of place Epworth is. A local newstation got wind of the event and set up some interviews and filmed quite a bit of footage. I am very proud that I got to be a part of making this night a success. There were several Epworth volunteers who helped out and we were all pleased.

Now, there was some grumbling (and that's putting it nicely) conveyed to myself and to another volunteer, Cindi. Some church members were fearful of the press, afraid that there might be some backlash from small minded bigots, and concern over the church's safety and the safety of the youth. The whole gritching got way out of control and at one point on Saturday it was suggested that I resign my leadership position(s) at church b/c of the harm I had inflicted (by helping host this prom). Of course, the people gritching wanted to remain anonymous---cowards. If a person is going to try and destroy my reptutation and my status at church at least have the chutzpah to say your name.

Anyhoo--Cindi and I dealt with it, made a statement at church this morning explaining the prom, the media, and the wonderful positive impact this event had on the youth. Many, many church members have been supportive and I'm over the whole thing. If someone has something to say then they can approach me and we'll talk it out. There's no pleasing some people.

I am so proud of the Young Gay Lesbian Alliance and honored that they asked me to be a part of their event.

It helps to know the bartender

Warning: the following entry is rated PG-13 for language and alcohol content.

Tonight we had a Cimarron Alliance Foundation board meeting. I swear I spend my life going to meetings. We are hard at work at this Holocaust Rememberance Exhibit thing (and if I haven't hit you up yet for donations don't worry, I will). The meeting was held at a new member's house, Ryan, and we all oooh'd and ahhh'd over his newly redecorated cute house. I mentioned to Ryan that I was going out later tonight to The Boom (local bar) with a friend and Ryan said he would probably meet me there.
So, Mark*names have been changed to protect the innocent* and I got there about 10:30 and met up with Ryan, who was already extremely intoxicated. Apparently after the meeting was over he and several board members stuck around the house for a while and finished off some wine. Anyhoo---Mark and I haven't really spent time together one on one and while it's hard to talk in a crowded smoky bar, we managed to talk some about upcoming political junk in Oklahoma. I know the owner of The Boom and Mark knows him as well, so we managed to get a couple of free drinks. Yay for free drinks. Love me some cranberry juice and vodka. Yum. Then, Ryan bought a couple shots of tequila (oy vey) and I managed one shot. Knowing that i have to be at work EARLY tomorrow I decided to be a good girl and come home, but man it was great to go out with friends and just have fun. Lots of OCU students were there and I was feeling a little nostalgic at all the fun college memories (or maybe the alcohol was taking effect). So i'm home now, safe and sound and sleepy. There's no place like my bed....there's no place like my bed....there's no place like my bed.
Oh wait, that sounds really dirty. It's not supposed to be. I'm going to sleep now.

It's a conspiracy

Dear University of Oklahoma,
If I promise not to make tacky comments about your football program or about how I would rather be a Poke than a Sooner will you please let me know if I got into graduate school?

yes--OU is taking their damn sweet time in mailing out the rejection/acceptance letters. I was first told that the letters went out last Monday (that was a week ago). Then, I was told they went out on Tuesday and Wednesday of last week. Here it is Monday and I STILL don't have my letter. Frustration!!!!!!!!!!! I mean, how long does it take for a piece of mail to go from Norman to Oklahoma City??!!
It's all a conspiracy against me..........

Going to the Sarah McLachlan concert tonight with my friend Trina. Should be some great music and lots of people I know are going. I need the stress reliever. Too bad I'm out of Valium.

The wait goes on.

No news yet

Well, nothing to report yet. My water has broken and the contractions aren't too bad....
Oh wait, wrong post.

No word from OU yet on the status of my application to Masters of Social Work school. It is reported that the envelopes were mailed Monday so maybe by tomorrow I'll know something.

Anticipation is not my friend.

One of those days

I would give anything to have five minutes with my mom right now.

For love of a sofa

My friend 'Nette was paranoid about showing up on my blog so hey, let's feed the paranoia.
No my friend, the sofa will live. It's just fabric. We have a lifetime of friendship and memories that are so much more important to me than any material item.

So there.
*smile*

It's not polite to laugh

I know it's not nice to laugh at another's misfortune but I do have to relay one of my giggles from yesterday, April 19th. Of course, the 19th is the anniversary of the OKC bombing and the day, in fact the week, has been marked with all sorts of memorials, services, tributes, etc. I was watching the televised service from downtown OKC that included Bill Clinton and several political dignitaries. At the end of this somber service, the congregation was led outside by a lone bagpiper (note-bagpipes don't sound very good via tv transmission). The news channel was panning the progression of the piper and as he came down the church steps he fell. Immediately the camera was switched to something else, but I burst out laughing. They went right back to the piper and it was evident he was ok, just jostled a bit. I felt bad for laughing but I realized that this very sorrowful occasion needed a good diversion and for me it was a reminder that it's ok to laugh and go on with life.

Whenever I hear bagpipes I think of the movie "So I Married an Axe Murderer" where Mike Meyers' dad plays the bagpipes and sings Rod Stewart's "If you want my body (and you think I'm sexy)." Always makes for a good chuckle.

Never trust a Texan

On the day we were coming home from Tennessee was also the South Central Region of Young Dems mtg, being held in Austin, Texas. I had planned my trip way before this regional mtg and decided it was not cost effective to fly to Austin for only a few hours. I was running for the position of Regional Director, meaning I would be helping out and assisting the states in our block. This includes Oklahoma, Texas, Missouri, Arkansas, and Louisiana. I had asked a gentleman from Texas, David, to run as my Deputy Director (as it's tradition to have a representative from each state as the officers). La and Mo are not really active states right now but it would be easy enough to plug them in later.
So, I sent my annoucement/speech with my state president, Kathy, who was attending the mtg with some other OK folks. Kathy is running for national YDA office (like I hold right now as Vice Pres of Programs) and she needed to campaign at this meeting.
Now it gets sticky....
One of the Texas leaders is a guy named Giovanni. Up until now he has been a friend and someone I respected and have enjoyed working with him. He knew of my intent to be Regional Director and all this time I have been the only one running. Giovanni is also running for national office, but with a different group than my state prez is. This basically makes the two of them competition. Giovanni apparently felt threatened by me and by Kathy and he lied to me, brought in someone last minute to run against me, and fanagled a deal so that the last minute person would win. It's shady....very very shady. So, I lost. I mean, it's certainly not the end of the world but what I'm angry about is how underhanded and deceitful Gio was to me.
So, I don't mind sharing my opinion of Gio with other YDA folks because if he can screw me over a tiny little regional director what will he do as our representative to the Democratic National Committee? Politics.

I'm just amazed that this guy, Gio, would do this to me because I've not known him to be of ill character like this. It's sad, sad for him, sad for his team and sad for YDA.
It will be interesting to see what happens.

Cha-ching!

The first part of the redneck vacation was an overnight stop in Memphis. We had the most fantastic bbq at a place called Corky's. I highly recommend the dry-rub ribs. The next day we traveled to Tunica, Mississippi for a day & night of gambling at the casinos. I'm not much of a gambler but I like to play slots. I took only a small amount of money, just what I was willing to lose and not feel bad about it. Of course--I lost. :-) Oh well. Our friend Dennis stayed up almost all night playing slots and table games but we managed to rouse him in the morning and get on the road at a decent hour. Casinos are a fun place to people watch because believe me you get ALL types there. Hmmm...I bet the people were saying the same about me.

Hooray for Dollywood

The trip to Dollywood/Gatlinburg was great! The cabin was just as great as the pictures/descriptions and we were right on the edge of a small lake and surrounded by mountains. It rained the first two days we were there but it didn't faze us as the relaxation and down-time were priorities. The Ripley's Aquarium in Gatlinburg was really good (surprisingly) but nothing tops Dollywood. For those that don't know--Dollywood is the theme park created by Ms. Dolly Parton. There are lots of shops, craftsman, rides, and entertainment shows. The park wasn't busy on the day we went so there were no lines for the rides and we would just ride over and over again. Word of caution--don't ride the water rapids more than once because you'll be soaking wet. Danny and I rode three consecutive times and were drenched. It made for a good laugh.
For me the best part of the park was some ride called Dizzy Disks. It was a circular ride with chairs around the edge. Everyone was locked into their seat and you had handle bars in front of you to grip. Then, the ride starts going around and around, as well as sliding way up in the air on the right, sliding down and going way up in the air on the left. Of course, it's spinning this whole time. I cackled the whole way--I couldn't stop laughing. My friend Pat was holding on for dear life and watching her made me laugh even more. Maybe that was the best part of the park---laughing. It's good to laugh.

I highly recommend Dollywood. Go now!

Imagine that!

Have you heard that cats don't like water? Well, I guess it's true. Go figure. Not that I really doubted what I had heard all these years but I thought maybe I should find out for myself. I decided to give my cat a bath tonight. As you can imagine, it didn't go so well. She likes to drink water, but she doesn't like to be IN water. So, at the moment I have a sopping wet cat running around the house. She won't really let me near her to dry her off.
And NO, I am not as cruel as I sound.....She needed a bath. She still needs a bath but I'm sure not going to be the one to give it to her.

Integrity

Today was one of the most challenging and mentally demanding days of my life. I am the chairperson of our Staff-Parish Relations Committee at church, meaning I oversee/assist/mediate the employment, policies, and concerns that come up between the staff and the people who attend church. Kind of a big job. Last night, we met with our District Superintendent (pastor dude who oversees this area of Oklahoma City) and the person who is being assigned as our new pastor. There are a lot of good qualifications and attributes of this woman (the new pastor) but the committee had some concerns that were not resolved. I spent most of today listening to and hashing out those concerns and relaying them to our D.S.
Finally, after talk about this for approximately 8 hours today, I told our D.S. that we would accept the appointment and hope that our concerns can be worked out.
Yeah, I know I'm being ambiguous here but I can't really reveal the details. I just know that I wrestled with myself and with God for a good portion of the day, trying to make sure I was raising questions that would affect our congregation and not just me. I have the church's best interest at heart and only want the best for my congregation.
I just got off the phone with our D.S. and he thanked me for my leadership and integrity in all this. I hadn't thought about the word integrity but I appreciate the compliment because I feel like I stirred up so much chaos in trying to do the right thing.

Sigh. I'm tired. My soul is tired. My heart is tired. My body is tired. I leave for vacation in three days and it can't come at a better time. Pray for me and pray for my church.

peace...........

Kuntry Kitty

Again, another blog post about my cat, Aspasia. I have discovered that she has very unusual musical taste. She doesn't like it when I play the radio and she gets all freaky and skittish when I sing. But, she loves when I play the harmonica! I'm not kidding, she really does like it! I found my harmonica last night and was playing a little and she came running from another part of the house. She climbed up on the arm of the chair and put her mouth up to the harmonica, I guess to try and understand what it was. I had put it up for a while and then got it back out late last night and as soon as I started playing she came over and stretched out and nuzzled me. I guess music really does soothe the savage soul.

Never trust a coin toss

It was a busy weekend in Rachel's world. Early Saturday morning I was up at the church, setting up and opening the free medical clinic. Then, I dashed across town to a union hall for the Oklahoma County Democratic Party convention. The biggest issue at convention was the election of delegates to the congressional and state conventions, which will be held in the next several weeks. All the county delegates divide up into caucuses (such as Progressive, Young Dems, Peace & Justice, Native American, Labor, etc). I decided to go to the Young Dems because I knew it would be smaller. So, we had 4 delegate positions to elect, two male and two female. I was tied with another woman named Amy for that second female slot and after three rounds of ballots we were still dead-locked. The suggestion was made that we flip a coin. Inwardly I groaned because when it comes to luck I have none! But, there didn't seem to be any other quick solution so we tossed and I lost. Actually, it's not a big deal but I just hate to lose. :-) I've been a delegate to state several times and of course I went to Nationals last summer so I guess it won't kill me to give a slot to someone else. Share the wealth, right?

After I left county convention I went BACK to the church to lock up & straighten up the clinic and ended up staying there about an hour and a half.

Sunday was our associate pastor's last day with us and I am going to miss her immensly. She's been a good friend and spiritual leader to me. We had a nice going away reception and I gave her a framed scrapbook page I had constructed.

Spent the afternoon over at Pat & Di's, having a cookout with the gang. What a great way to spend a beautiful afternoon.

This week is pure chaos for me, as I have church meetings 4 nights in a row! On Tuesday we will find out who are new senior pastor is and the anticipation is killing me.

Only 6 more days until vacation. I need it so badly!

I hate my hair

Hair is evil. I often threaten to shave my head and wear a wig and today is a day that I am seriously considering that option. I got my hair cut yesterday and I just don't like it. Now, I get my hair done at a nice, upscale salon. My stylist is really great & I don't blame him for this cut. My hair just has a mind of it's own and this morning it decided to terrorize me. It's like my hair was playing an April Fool's joke on me.

Sigh.

In the small, boring town I went to high school in, my friends & I had a theory: the bigger the hair, the bigger the ho. I'm always petrified that my poofy hair is going to somehow jet me into that philosophy so I try to keep it cut short. But, today I am having Bigger Ho Hair Day.
Oh well, there are worse titles to have..................

Happy weekend everybody.

In memory of a friend

Rest in peace Tonya Parker.

Tonya was an HIV/AIDS colleague, having worked at CarePoint in Oklahoma City for a few years, and for Guiding Right, OKC's leading African-American HIV/AIDS agency. Tonya was so quick witted, cheery, and her laughter was contagious. She was only 37 years old, afflicted with a condition called TTP-HUP, a rare blood disorder.

Sympathies to her family and to her extended family from Guiding Right.

Only the good die young.

Hippity Hoppity

The Easter Bunny came to visit me!! Did you know the EB is named Linda and drives an SUV? Cool! Now if only I can catch the Tooth Fairy.

Went to southwest Oklahoma yesterday to see my step-pappy and the family. My nieces are way adorable and Miss Harper (who's 2) is a champion egg hunter. 24 hours in sw OK is enough for me and I drove back home early this morning. I was in charge of the Easter Egg hunt at church and I admit we went a little overboard this year. We anticipated quite a few kids and of course not all showed. I think we filled about 20 dozen eggs which is a hell of a lot of eggs. Oh, I guess I'm not supposed to say "hell" when talking about Easter eggs. *shrug* It was cold out but the kids had fun and that's what counts. One family has 6 foster kids (six!!) so we made sure each kid got loaded up.

So, when I got home from church there was a message on my answering machine. Yeah, I know--can you believe someone actually called me? Moving along.....so on my outgoing message I say "this is Rachel and Aspasia...." because random callers don't need to know that I'm the only one who lives here & most don't know who Aspasia is. Um, Aspasia is my cat, but hey--she lives here too. So, I listen to my message and it's this voice going meow meow meow meow for a minute or so. My oh-so-funny brother, Rev. Dan, decided to leave the cat a message and translated it into English for me..."this is your brother, happy easter, i love you." Hmmm....I worry about him sometimes. I mean, it's one thing to put your cats name on an answering machine but it's another to LEAVE a message for the cat, in her language no less.

Still waiting on my rejection letter from OU school of social work. I hate being patient.

Do you ever get songs stuck in your head? I have "Popular" from the musical Wicked playing over and over in my head. It's annoying me.

Happy Easter!

The forgotten princess

There was a time when I, Rachel, was the princess, mistress, and controller of my domain. Then, I got a cat. Why is it that cat's think they own everything? Why does a cat think it can sleep, shed, and stretch just anywhere it wants?
I realized tonight that my cat, Aspasia, has very sneakily gained control over me. I should have realized it when she started sleeping on top of my pillow, just above my head. Now, she jumps up on furniture she knows she's not supposed to be on. She walks all over books or papers. She leaves piles of hair (not hairballs) all over clothes, my bed, my shoes, my carpet, wherever....
The worst though---she thinks every glass of water is hers! If I leave a glass of water out she'll knock the damn thing over. I yell, stomp, and threaten to wring her neck but she still does it. And THEN, she has the nerve to bite me when I'm petting her?? There's no pleasing some people.

I want my status as Princess back. I refuse to play ugly stepsister to a cat.

Side note: I just realized that I devoted one whole blog entry to my cat. I've become one of "those" people. I need therapy. Please help.

Congress and Court and Schiavo, Oh My!

It's hard not to follow the news on the case of Terri Schiavo, the Florida woman in a "persistent vegetative state" brought on by heart failure in 1990. I have firm personal beliefs about end of life care and such but no matter what side you're on, this poor woman is being pulled in 50 different directions. Let her go in peace. The Courts and Congress have enough work to do. Peace peace peace peace peace peace peace.

Rumors are....

A: Always true when heard in church
B: Become true when mentioned in several places
C: Best if remembered by the people who started them

Answer: C. Ok, so my friend Trina and I were "wishful thinking" earlier this week about who the new church pastor might be. We've been hearing names here and there, mostly speculations and nothing concrete. We discussed a pastor named Kathy who is currently a District Superintendent (that's Methodist lingo). We would LOVE Kathy at our church. So, Trina and I kept saying that over and over, from our lips to God's ears.

So, Sunday after church another church member says to me, "wow, I hear that Kathy (the pastor we like) has resigned her current position and is available." I was like hmmmm....wouldn't that be great??!!!
I call up Trina and tell her what I've just heard and she laughs and reminds me that she and I were the ones who STARTED that rumor. Oh yeah. I forgot.
Must be time to color my roots again.

Change can be a good thing

Today, Palm Sunday, I stood before our congregation and announced that both our pastors would be leaving. Our associate has been with us for 10 years and she is very well loved. She found a wonderful position doing children's ministry which is really her passion. She will only be with us for 3 more weeks. Then, we received word this week that our senior pastor, David, would be moved in June after Annual Conference (gotta love the Methodist system). Our Staff-Parish Relations Committee agreed that telling the congregation all at once would be better so as chair of that committee I did the deed. When I announced the first move everyone was surprised, when I did the second it seemed everyone was dumbstruck. It was a lot to take in all at once. But, I tried to remind everyone that this is part of our United Methodist heritage and uniqueness and that change is good. We are a strong and growing church and whomever comes along to be our pastor will grow with us.

After church, one person said to me, "wow, if I ever have to drop a bomb I'm going to call you." I think it was a compliment.

Interesting day...............

Take heed

Gonorrhea Lectim
The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of sexually transmitted disease. This disease is contracted through dangerous and high-risk behavior. The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim (pronounced "gonna reelect him"). Many victims have contracted it after having been screwed for the past 4 years, in spite of having taken measures to protect themselves from this especially troublesome disease. Cognitive sequelae of individuals infected with Gonorrhea Lectim include, but are not limited to: Anti-social personality disorder traits; delusions of grandeur with a distinct messianic flavor; chronic mangling of the English language; extreme cognitive dissonance; inability to incorporate new information; pronounced xenophobia; inability to accept responsibility for actions; exceptional cowardice masked by acts of misplaced bravado; uncontrolled primate style facial smirking; ignorance of geography and history; tendencies toward creating evangelical theocracies; and a strong propensity for categorical, all-or nothing behavior. The disease is sweeping Washington. Naturalists and epidemiologists are amazed and baffled that this malignant disease originated only a few years ago in a Texas bush.

(gosh i wish i had seen this e-mail before november....)

Fabulous website

If you want a good laugh and are a bumper sticker/magnet/button freak like me, then check out www.evolvefish.com
Kudos to James for pointing me to this most fabulous website.

One of my favorite buttons:
"You're pro life? That's fine. Now get one and stay out of mine."

When I hit it big on the Tunica slots I'm going shopping on this website. This is exactly the laugh I needed!!

Cursed by the tire gods

I am definitely cursed. Today I had to drive out to Wellston to see a new client. Getting to his home required driving 3.5 miles one way down a gravel & dirt road. When heading home, I decided to take historic Route 66 instead of the toll road. I had been on 66 for no more than 1/2 mile when I felt my car doing something weird. I pulled over and sure enough, my left front tired was flatter than flat. I cursed. Cursed some more. Laughed, then called my co-worker to tell her I was stuck in the middle of nowhere. Thankfully, a very kind schoolteacher/coach (it's spring break) stopped and cheerfully put my spare on for me. It's nice to know there are good Samaritans out there and he didn't try to stab me even once. I creeped into Edmond and found out that the old tire was not fixable, so I had to buy two new ones. There was a 4 inch nail in that tire--I saved it! The nail, not the tire....
I am ALWAYS getting flat tires and nails and whatever. I don't know how I do it. It's not like I'm going off-roading or something. Of course, the stupid agency I work for won't give us cell phones for when we travel to see clients. Thank goodness I have my own and of course I have to foot the bill but I guess my safety isn't that important to my employer. *

(*that was sarcasm in case you didn't catch it)

So Tire Gods, I am sorry to have offended thee but please, stopeth making my tires go flateth. I shall bring you offerings of burnt cat hair and gum wrappers. Hail Tire Gods.

So be it.

Hear the beat of dancin' feet...

Friday night three friends and I went to OCU (my alma mater) to see the American Spirit Dance Company's spring show. This is the student company and they do a couple of major shows each year. I love dance and let me tell you, if you didn't know that these were students you would think they were just in from Broadway (well maybe off-broadway). By the second act the dancers were really warmed up and pumped and you could see the excitement in their faces and in their moves. My favorite piece was a ballet one, called Irish Bitter Suite. It was well choreographed, executed, and passionate. Well done OCU dancers!

When I was in college I was friends with and knew several dance majors. I loved watching their performances, partly because their skill was so honed but also because I knew them personally and was in awe of their talent. I haven't seen many of those people in years but I'm sure they are entertaining and delighting their audiences now. Maybe, just maybe I'll get to see them perform again someday.

I almost went back to the show again tonight! I must make a conscious effort to go to more OCU productions.

No apologies

All of a sudden I'm in a bad mood and I got to thinking--i'm not going to apologize for other people and the idiotic things they do. and while i'm at it, i'm not going to apologize for a boring blog or what i perceive to be a boring blog. i'm too damn nice sometimes.

The L stands for loser

Ah well, I was not successful in my run for House District Chair for the 87th district. Not that big of a deal, but a little. The vote was 12 to 11, if only I had stacked the room a little more. Ha. As a consulation prize they made me vice-chair. I've never met the guy who became chair. He's not been involved in county or state functions though I'm not entirely sure he's bad since he's involved with Dean for America. I think he was recruited to run by John Morgan, who ran for representative out of our district. Mr. Morgan does not seem to like me very much and has said not-so-nice things about me to another political acquiantance. I really do not care what the man thinks but please, if you are going to slander me at least make it interesting. Tonight I was pleasant and actually went up to Mr. Morgan and his wife to say hello. I held out my hand to her and she gingerly shook it, literally turning her head so she wouldn't have to look at me. He did the same thing. Talk about lame--you can't even make eye contact with me??!! If I had known they were going to react that way I would have spit in my hand before I offered it to them. Rachel Cooties.
Anyhoo, I'm good with vice-chair and I'll bring just as much to the table as I had planned as chair. It's the "politics" part that gets me. I should be used to it by now but it still amazes me how childish people can be. You know what Mr. Morgan, if you have a problem with me then it's just that---YOUR problem. Being bitter about losing the race helps no one and only hurts your reputation. So there.

Wish I could remember who sings that "I'm a loser baby" song....it's running through my head right now.

To quote my dear friend Chance, "be bitter, it helps."

peace!

30

I'm not one of those people who believes in lucky numbers or the signifigance of a number appearing over and over. But, today the number "30" has stood out.

30
--my age
--the number of times Dynanners has asked me if I am going to update my blog
--amount of AIDS Drug Assistance Program applications I have to complete
--the number of towels I stole from Salt Lake
--days until my vacation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
--the number of years since the bathroom near our office has been cleaned

Ok, so I didn't steal 30 towels..........

The Salt Lake trip was great. I always enjoy these Young Dems meetings because I get to catch up with friends, stay up late, get up early, and laugh. On Saturday night, 5 of us from Oklahoma had dinner at a Brazillian place. There's a central salad bar then the waiters bring by roasted/grilled meats and you take a few pieces off the skewer and devour. Well, we ate more meat than any 5 humans should eat in one sitting. It got funny at one point and we sat at our table crying because we were laughing so hard. Let me tell you, a vegetarian would not survive in that place.
On Sunday, we took off early for the mountains and enjoyed the snow and skiing that Utah has to offer. I was going to go snowmobiling but turns out it wasn't offered where we had gone. Oh well.

Tonight are the Democratic Party precinct and house district meetings. I'm running for house district chair and hope there's no opposition. I had to choose between Survivor and House District meeting....tough choice, I know, but thankfully I have a VCR so I won't miss out on any of the action. I know, I'm a goober.........

I apologize if I don't blog too much this month. March is our busiest time of the year here in my office so don't get on my case too much!!! Ok Dynanners???!!
Oh, another word of warning....don't believe ANYTHING that The Friendly Bunny says about me. He lies. All the time. Lies lies lies.

Peace people!

Chief Procrastinator

My graduate admission statement is done and mailed! I had started it quite a while ago but never got past a rough draft. I spent several hours in the last few days re-writing, tweaking, and finalizing the stupid thing. If I get in then I get in. If I don't then I'll work for DHS for the rest of my life. Scary.

Heading off to Salt Lake City on Thursday for another Young Democrats of America meeting. My two year term of Vice President of Programs is up in August and I'm pretty much ready to hand over the reigns now. I realize it's a political organization but there's too much politics going on right now. People running for office are constantly calling, want to know what I think of this, what about so & so, who's she supporting, who's the best, blah blah blah. I'm NOT bitter that I have not been asked to run again but now that I'm becoming an outsider I find amusement in all the B.S. that goes on. Politics. Oh yeah, so I'm going to Salt Lake for 4 days. That area of the country is beautiful and I have a bit of free time so I'm going to explore some of the mountains and lakes. Our hotel is right off Temple Square so I'll do the whole tour thing as well. Missionaries love me.

Work is ok at the moment. My co-worker, Happy Gaila, is back after being in a three week training. I refer to her as Happy Gaila because the girl is too damn chipper sometimes. Let me tell you, she will sing cheery songs until you want to throw up. It's actually a good quality but I can't let her know I think so. We need her in the office because she's the buffer and sometimes peace-keeper.

Once again I apologize to all three of my readers for the boring blog. I'll try to be more creative in the coming weeks.

Follow me blindly

I fully realize that this has got to be one of the most boring blogs in the world. Yet, I'm rather ok with that. I'm not forcing anyone to read it and if you had something to say you'd probably post a comment so what the heck, I'll continue the mundane ramblings.
However, tonight I was thinking that it might be interesting for me to do a post, or series of posts, on "a day in the life of Rachel." Hmmm. In fact, it might be rather humbling for me to reveal what really happens in my world and my thought processes. Who knows, you might learn something you never knew about me. Or you may run in fear.
I'm going to keep tossing this idea around. Feel free to vote yay or nay.

No sleep for the wicked

I'm recovering from my latest cold/cough/congestion episode. I haven't been that sick in a long time and I hope it's a while before I am again. My coffee table was just covered in medicine bottles, packets, cough drops, juice, tissues, you name it. It was like having my own little CVS in my living room. Ah yes, Oklahoma now has CVS, which until now I had only seen on the East Coast. Their prices aren't any better than Wal-greens but it gives me some place different to shop.

I'm trying to finish up my admissions statement for my application to OU. It's a silly little requirement but I haven't felt like doing it, so I'm approaching the final hour. It should be easy--it's basically a brag-about-yourself paper, but tie some social work experiences/lessons in with it. Boring.......I have promised myself to have it done by Thursday. We'll see.

And yes, I'm having trouble sleeping. Part of the problem is the cold medicine; it hypes me up and keeps my brain buzzing. Now I understand why meth is made out of Sudafed. Even when I go to bed early, I just lay there (lie there? lay there? oh who cares) and think about all the things I could be doing. So, I get up and next thing you know I'm painting the bathroom. I seem to paint best late at night...go figure. Once I fall asleep I'm fine. It's just getting to sleep that's the problem.

If anyone has suggestions that are non-medication related I'd love to hear them. Please, no counting sheep. I lose my place and have to start over.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Soothing Sunday

I'm behind on my blogging but I was sick all week. I tell you, my body cannot take another cold! I finally started to feel better on Saturday and got out of the house for a little while. I was pretty much back to normal today, Sunday, but didn't try to overdue it. I went to church (like the good kid I am) and we had a really good service. We had an adult baptism so most of the service was centered around that, around the meaning of baptism and being brought into the fold. Our closing hymn was Blessed Assurance, which is probably in my top three of favorite hymns. I love the song not only for the assurance of everlasting grace but also for the reminder of Christ being central in our lives, in everything and in every moment. I won't get started on a mini sermon here....I know you're thinking I'm going to....

Anyhoo....I had a church council meeting late in the afternoon and the rest of the day has been household chores. I'm trying to catch up on laundry, ran to the grocery store, and am vacuuming up cat hair. That last task is never ending. I need to get on the ball and finish my admission statement for OU and get that in the mail. That will be tomorrow's task since I am off for President's Day.

and with that ends this dull excerpt from my dull life. vaya con Dios!

Cough cough sniff round 3

I am on my third cold in three months. This could be a new record. Yesterday I started feeling a little yucky but I chalked it up to allergies because our weather has been shifting drastically. But, when I woke up this morning I barely had a voice and could feel all the drainage in my chest. Blah. There is one good thing about having a cold--my clients are nicer! They hear my scratchy, creaky voice and they feel bad that I'm work when I'm sick, so they tend not to talk long or demand much. Maybe I could fake the voice year round...
I hope that this cold doesn't get much worse because I just don't have the time to take off and stay in bed. I'll down some Nyquil tonight and get some rest, maybe that will help.........

Stay healthy!

Remembering Dad

Today, Sunday Feb 13, is the 15 year anniversary of when my dad died. I actually kind of forgot about it until last night. What strikes me is the 15 year thing---he died when I was 15, now I'm 30, so for as many years as I had him in my life I have also lived without him. He was a good man, far from perfect and slightly odd, but that part doesn't really matter to me. I'm sure my memories are clouded and I dare say that my relationship with him was very different than that of my brothers (as they are considerably older than myself). But, he loved me, I love(d) him, and now that's all that matters.

Miss you dad. You'd be proud of me. I've accomplished a lot and have some great things yet to come. Thanks for the memories.

your only daughter.

I don't need no stinkin windows

When I was at Sam's Club the other day I was approached by one of their salespeople/product pushers, who told me about their window/patio replacement guys. I agreed to have a home estimate done because I do need windows and figured what the hey--I'll see what their price are like. So, Thursday night some guy came over and he was very charming, a true salesman. He wasn't cheesy annoying though, but I could tell he had been doing this a long time. When it finally got done to measuring windows and talking prices I put on my poker face and went with the flow. I have several very large windows in my house and all of them are steel casement, which I understand makes replacement a little more difficult. He tallied up the cost of single hung windows and gave me a quote of: (drumroll please.....) $12,000. I wanted SO badly to laugh and roll my eyes but I didn't. BUT WAIT--because I'm a Sam's Club member and I have all my teeth I get an additional 20% discount or something, so now the price is only $9600. Does this seem excessive to anyone else?? I was like thanks, but that's not going to work for me. He pulled the whole-what's it going to take to get you to buy them tonight-routine and I said lower the price another 3 thousand and we'll talk. Ummm...no.
So, no new windows yet for me but I'm going to continue the search. I do have to say that I actually liked this little sales guy and he really wasn't pushy or annoying, but those prices are just unrealistic. Then again, maybe I am unrealistic in thinking I can get quality windows for $7000. Dunno.
I'm hoping to win at slots when I go to Tunica in April so then I can do all home repair I want. Come on, a girl can dream.....

lyrics

"Sitting with mama alone in her bedroom, she opened her eyes, and then squeezed my hand. She said, I have to go now, my time here is over. And with her final word, she tried to help me understand. Mama whispered softly, time will ease your pain. Life’s about changing, nothing ever stays the same And she said, how can I help you to say goodbye? It’s ok to hurt, and it’s ok to cry. Come, let me hold you and I will try. How can I help you to say goodbye?"

missing my mom tonight, not really sure what triggered it. this song came to mind and i had to find the lyrics.
tell someone that you love them.


lyrics by burton banks collins/karen good taylor, How Can I Help You To Say Goodbye as recorded by Patty Loveless

Country roads take me home

sunday afternoon i traveled a bit south to my hometown. it was my niece's 2nd birthday and family and friends gathered to celebrate. it was a cute party and i think she enjoyed pulling the tissue paper out of the bags more than she did the presents. but, isn't it always that way with young kids? the big hit present was a hula-hoop, which Papa John bought. several of the adults tried to hula but it was just a bit small. the birthday girl just nodded her head and shook her booty in imitation. funny!!

i have very mixed emotions about going "home." it hasn't been my home for a long time and though family members are there, the town just doesn't sit right with me. whenever i drive into city limits i get this knot in my stomach, a kind of dread and apprehension. none of the people i grew up with, or at least were close to, live there anymore and maybe that is part of my emotions. i think i also have these mini flashbacks to some not so great experiences in high school, which by no means were regular occurances, but stick out nonetheless. i KNOW that i still have feelings wrapped up in my family relations and i'm not afraid to admit those. (wow, a breakthrough in therapy). this is where my mom lived and died and that still gets to me. i have a very wonderful and loving relationship with my step-family (stepdad, sis, and bro) and now all our family moments are combined with my stepsis & stepbrother's mom, as well as my sister in law's family. it's like everyone has a direct family relation there but me, since my brothers live in another state and my mom and dad are deceased. yet, no one ever makes me feel like an outsider....and i don't feel like an outsider....i think i just long for the people who are not there. i'm not sure that makes sense. hard to find the right words to explain it.
so to sum it all up....had a good day with the family, the whole huge combined family, and even in a crowd it's possible to be alone.

it's going to be a busy week at work so if i don't blog much it's because i've pulled all my hair out and am out shopping for a wig.

Cruisin'

Howdy peoples--well, to all 2 of my readers.
I'm in a rental car for the next few days. My beloved Honda is not behaving quite right so she's going to the dealer on Monday. The "check engine" light has been giving me fits and there is something else wrong, I just can't explain what it is. I am traveling to SW Oklahoma on Sunday for my niece's birthday, so I figured I better have reliable transportation. Soooo....I called a few places and got a good price from Alamo. I'm driving a Chrysler Pacifica at the moment and I'm enjoying it!! The Pacifica is a cross between and SUV and a sedan and I feel so powerful sitting up there, watching the world go by. I wanted to just drive around for hours but there's no built in bathroom in the Pacifica so I cut my journey short. Does that fall under the category of "too much information?"

It was a long and busy week at work. I'm looking forward to some down time on Saturday and playing Chickenfoot with friends on Sat. night.

I'll post another book review in a few days. It's been a while since I've done that and this blog is getting boring. I know you people don't like hearing me babble all the time.

Peace..............

Recommend me!

So, the application for grad school is coming along. All I have left now is my personal statement, which has to cover certain areas put forth by the school. I've started it but can already tell I'm being too wordy so some major editing will have to be done. I doubt I will hear anything until April or May but I can't imagine not getting accepted. Is that arrogant? It's not supposed to be.

I have to have at least 3 letters of recommendation written for me. I have had a hard time deciding who would be the best people for that but I think I've got it covered. One is a former co-worker, who worked with me for 4 years in the program I'm in now. Another is a former college professor who I am still close to. One is a guy who I've worked with in several political organizations/campaigns and the last one is a local elected official that I've done a lot of work with/for. Two women, two men--that's a nice balance, right? I just want to get this all over with and get started in school. I considered buying a degree online but thankfully my ethical standards are just a little bit higher than that. (just a little)

I purposely did not watch the State of the Union tonight. I think it would have been hard to resist the urge to throw popcorn at the t.v. and boo every time Dubya took a breath. Spectators clap too much during the SOTU anyway--gets annoying to hear the roar of skin slapping every few minutes. I'm on a soapbox, I'll sign off now before I say something nasty.

peace.