Deaconess Girl raised an interesting thought with me in a comment she left recently. I had blogged about the anniversary of my Mom's death. While I miss my Mom, I feel relatively at peace with her passing. But, I had time to prepare for her death. She had cancer and we didn't know how long she would live. But, she was very determined to keep her life fulfilled and meaningful and I spent a lot of time with her over that year or so. I have no regrets--there was nothing left unsaid or undone in our relationship. I just miss her.
When my friend Deaconess Girl lost her father, it was abruptly--in a tragic accident. I have never experienced loss of a loved one in that manner so I don't have any frame of reference. I think the shock alone would be overwhelming but to then have to deal with personal and communal grief....wow.
All that being said, I don't think there is a "better" way to go. While I got to have time with my Mom, we also saw her go through pain and not-so-pleasant procedures. Those memories are powerful and painful for me.
I think it would be arrogant of me to say one way is better than another because no one experiences loss the same. Grief is a very individual process and no one, but yourself, knows how you truly feel.
I guess what I'm trying to say is it's ok to feel how you feel. And to Deaconess Girl and all my other friends who have experienced loss, that's why we have each other--for support and for care.
Love to all--
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2 comments:
I just recently had a conversation with my parents concerning my grandma's quality of life in a nursing home. She has dementia (however you spell it?) and a whole lot of other problems. Because her quality of life is pretty much non-existent it has my entire family questioning "how long is to long?" In other words, she is now officially a "do not recesitate" patient.
In lite of this I agree with you there is no one answer and that circumstances and personalities of each have to be factered. Regardless I'm starting to think we are much more humaine by putting our pets to sleep when the time comes as apposed to keeping a loved one alive for as long as possible no matter what state of being they may or may not have.
p.s. I like trucks . . .
I just now got to read this post (sorry it took so long) but thank you for the thoughts and words expressed so well. I don't think there is a "better" way to lose someone - the emptiness is left either way, and like you said there are trade offs on the other stuff. As for me, you can read a little bit of my personal breakdown with the 9-11 anniversary on my blog. It's not pretty, but one of the most personal and raw posts I've ever done. Don't know how much I can keep that up for a variety of reasons. Anyway, thank you again for the thoughts and support. You're right - we have each other - for as long as that lasts, it's enough.
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