Basking

Happy 4th of July! Yes, I realize I should be using a red, white & blue font but you know, I felt like orange. I enjoyed a lovely day off of work today. I spent a bit of time out in the yard, basking in my new pool. Yes, I got a pool! Ok, it's only like 4ft long and 30 inches deep, but hey.....When I was reading the instructions for setting up this thing it stresses that you MUST place it on level ground. Well, there is NO level ground anywhere in my yard. My yard slopes downward and that's just the way it is. So, when I started to fill the pool this morning I figured out really quickly that a sloping pool doesn't work very well. I put about 3 inches of water in it and called it good. Hey, it kept me cool while I worked on a tan. I planted some flowers out front and put up a hanging basket of something purple. It makes the front of the house look so much nicer. The goal is to keep these flowers alive and I do not have a green thumb. If anyone needs me, I'll be by the pool with my sunglasses, water bottle, and SPF 45.

Milk Trucks

Ok, since Ellie asked, I'm going to tell...(and I don't think I know who Ellie is....reveal thyself).....
Milk trucks gross me out. Do you ever see those big, aluminum refrigerated trucks going down the highway? There's MILK sloshing around in there! Just the thought is revolting....I mean, it's milk just rolling around in that truck. I don't trust that those things are cleaned out and sterilized well. What, they drain out the milk, rinse with water & maybe bleach, and put more milk back in there?

Ok, I admit that I sometimes get obsessed with strange things, but when I see these damn milk trucks I get physically ill.

Here's my solution to the milk truck problem---keep the dairy cows next to the milk processing factory. Bottle the milk right there so it's fresh and THEN ship it across the country.

What if a milk truck has an accident and the milk spills (no crying). The milk is going to curdle and rot and then the area will smell like spoiled milk. Gross.

So, that's my deal on milk trucks. Just say no.

Exposure to the Son Prevents Burning

Yes, I live in the buckle of the Bible Belt. There are two churches near my house that always have one of these cheesy Jesus messages on their outdoor signs. I don't think I could ever attend one of those churches BECAUSE of those signs. I mean, I find the sayings silly and almost sacrilegious. Whenever I see them, I just want to run the signs over.

This subject gets me riled up and I really don't feel like venting....but if you really want to push my buttons bring up the subject. Oh, the other thing that gets me is milk trucks. Yes, milk trucks. Ask me.

Weekend part 2

Sunday...........
Like the good kid I am, I got up and went to church on Sunday. Actually, I was excited all week for church because we were doing a Blessing of the Animals. Everyone brought their cats, dogs, hermit crabs, etc. We even had a horse (but it stayed outside during the service). The news of the service generated some media attention so all three news stations were there to film. I packed up Aspasia and she did very well in the service. At the end of services, the owner of the horse brought her over and stuck her head in the doorway so the horse could be part of the blessing.

Sunday afternoon my friends and I went back to the park and I ran around. In addition to the information booth, my org was also doing a dunk tank! All in all I think they went well. The culmination of the day is the parade, which kicked off at 5. We rode on a float and threw cheap plastic beads to the masses of people gathered around 39th street. People go nuts for those damn beads....why is that??

After the parade I went home to change and then met some friends out at a club. We bar hopped but didn't drink....too tired and too hot. I was home by 10:30 and glad to be in my nice cool house.

Happy Pride!

Weekend part 1

It was a busy weekend and I have the sunburn to prove it!! This was gay pride and I was in charge of pride activities for the Cimarron Alliance Foundation (of which I sit on the board of directors). Visit us at cimarronalliance.org

My friends Dwayne and Christopher came in from Fayetteville for the weekend. They arrived on Fri evening and we tottered off to a party. I decided to be "sober sister" so the boys could drink. We got home LATE and stayed up late, thus I went to sleep about 4:30am. Yeah, not good. I got up about 8 when I realized my phone kept ringing. My co-chair, Ryan, decided to call me about 10 times that morning because since he was awake he thought I should be. Men. Anyhoo....spent the rest of the day down at the park doing an information booth for Cimarron. Had dinner with friends and then crashed while my guests went out to the clubs and didn't stumble in until about 11am on Sunday. hmmmm

To be continued...............

You Might Be a United Methodist If...

You Might Be A United Methodist If~
you don't take Rolaids when your heart is strangely warmed~
you know that a circuit rider is not an electrical device~
The Upper Room is as essential to your bathroom as the toilet paper~
you felt that the NCAA penalties against SMU football were too harsh~
you've ever owned a pair of cross and flame boxer shorts~
you sit while singing "Stand up, stand up for Jesus"~
you've ever sung a gender-inclusive hymn~tithing is encouraged but widely ignored~
half the people sitting in your pew lip-sync the words to the hymns~
the word apportionment sends a chill down your spine~
you realize pluralism isn't a communicable disease~
your pastor has a hyphenated last name~names like Aldersgate, Asbury, and Epworth are vaguely familiar~
you consider the monthly potluck a sacrament~
the only church camp song you know by heart is "Kum ba yah"~
you've ever attended an Annual Conference and actually enjoyed it~
you have an unexplained yearning to visit Wesley's Chapel in London~
your church is named for a geographical location rather than for a saint~
you've never heard a sermon on Hell and don't feel you're missing out~
you realize that VBS isn't a sexually transmitted disease~
your pastor moves every four or five years and you like it that way~
there's at least one person in every church meeting who says, "But we've never done it that way before"~
your congregation's Christmas pageant includes both boy and girl wise men~
you accept the fact that the hymn "O, for a thousand tongues to sing" has almost as many stanzas as tongues~
you know that the Wesleyan Quadrilateral isn't a trick football play involving four lateral passes~
you realize that the Book of Discipline is not a guide to getting your child to behave~
you understand that an "appointment" has nothing to do with keeping a lunch date~
you think "UMW" stands for United Methodist Women rather than the United Mine Workers~
you know the difference between a "diagonal" minister and a "Diaconal" minister~
"Good morning" has the status of a liturgical greeting in the worship service~
you say "trespasses" instead of "debts" in the Lord's Prayer and have no idea why~
your annual conference spends most of its time debating resolutions that nobody reads~
you'd rather be branded with a hot iron than serve on the Nominating Committee~
you've ever sipped Welch's grape juice out of a plastic shot glass during Communion~
you're asked to donate money to a "special offering" every other Sunday~
you pore over the Conference Journal with the same intensity you would read a John Grisham novel~
you have to fight through a cadre of greeters to get into the sanctuary~
when the worship service lasts for more than one hour, the beeping of watch alarms drowns out the final hymn

Not what I signed up for

It was a difficult day, to say the least, at work. NO, this is not a post ragging on my supervisor, or co-workers, or spilling great secrets. (So much has been in the news lately about potential employers going online to see what applicants have said about their current jobs & relationships & lives).
See, my title is AIDS Care Coordinator. That title doesn't tell you a whole lot...I know. But, the basis of my job is helping people access medications, a doctor, make sure they have a place to sleep, eat, blah blah blah. Case managers often are called to do a lot of different things and YES, we all know that. But, at one point today, I sat back and said to myself "this is NOT what I signed up for." I accompanied a client to an inpatient type facility and under the guise of going to smoke a cigarette, he bolted. I wasn't surprised, but still....so, three of us spent nearly 2 hours (each) looking for this dude. I was driving up and down streets, peering through alleys, gazing over vacant lots, trying to find him. It would have been unethical for us to NOT look. But jeez.....when did I become Search & Rescue? We didn't find him. I hope he calls. I tell you, if I could ground people I would. You are grounded for 2 weeks young man! Sigh.

That's what it's all about

As I get older, I'm (unfortunately) becoming more and more like my parents. I find that I talk to myself quite a bit and increasingly talk OUTLOUD to myself. I can be mid-way through a conversation and suddenly realize that I'm the only one in the group huddle. I'm not sure if I should be alarmed about this or not.
This morning as I was walking into work I realized I was talking outloud to myself and I had just uttered "...that's what it's all about." The instant thereafter, I started doing the Hokey Pokey!! Yes, I was standing in the parking garage elevator corridor doing the Hokey Pokey. I remember hearing a comedian or someone famous say once...maybe the Hokey Pokey is what IT'S all about. What is "it?" Who knows....and does it really matter? Maybe doing the HP is what cures the world. I was brave enough to give it a try. Nothing happened but I kind of expected delayed reaction from the universe.

Donate to Team Chi Chi!

Relay for Life, a project of the American Cancer Society, is a wonderful cause to steer those charitable dollars. This year, my stepsister and her friends are participating in Lawton, Oklahoma's Relay for Life in memory of a very special woman, Shelly Douglass McComber.

Shelly was one of those people you couldn't help but notice. Her smile, her laugh, her southern drawal........Shelly made friends with just about everyone. When she passed in January it broke our hearts because nothing and no one can replace Shelly, aka Chi Chi. Shelly's sister, Stacy, and many of her friends have banded together to walk this year's relay in her honor. Please visit www.acsevents.org/lawtonok and look up Team Chi Chi. You can donate through the website or mail in your contribution. No one, absolutely no one, should have to go through cancer and it's only that much harder when it affects a beautiful woman who was only 35 years old. My prayers and support go out to Shelly's family and friends who seek to honor her in this walk. I especially pray for my stepsister, Beth, who has modeled strength and spirit during the loss of her very dear friend. Love to all..................................

In this very room

This past Saturday my friend Bekah got married! Yippeeeeee. It was a LOVELY ceremony and she looked amazing. The decor was simple and I could tell that they weren't trying to overshadow the beauty of the church. My one word description is "elegant." Candlelight, dim lights, red roses, and a happy couple. What could be better? The wedding was fun because it was like a reunion of college friends, some I hadn't seen in quite some time. We had a great time visiting and catching up. Several of us went to supper and continued the chatting. I enjoy moments like that....when we can visit, laugh, and remember. Congratulations Bekah & Derek.

Presley drops

No one is going to care about this post but I'm just so ticked off I have to vent. The past three days have been the filing period for office here in Oklahoma. For the past several months there have been a couple of folks running for the 5th District Congress, which is the area I live in. I have been supporting Patricia Presley who I thought was going to really win this thing and finally put a Dem in office. The other person that is running, Bert Smith, is just not electable for reasons I won't go into. So, today, Ms. Presley freakin drops out of the race. I'm angry. Like, people spent a lot of time and money campaigning for her---she was very electable--she would have been a good Rep. And she drops. I would like my donations back. I'm serious. I put my faith and my $$ into a candidate and they drop for I don't know what reason but it wasn't a good one. I know I know...I get ruffled about strange things.

I'm not wearing underwear today

I'm not wearing underwear today....no i'm not wearing underwear today. Not that you probably care much about my underwear, still nonetheless i have to say---that i'm not wearing underwear today!!

Ok, so it's a phrase stolen from Avenue Q (it's a musical) and every time I hear the song I crack up laughing.

Now to REAL underwear issues. My washing machine decided to putz out on me over a week ago. I have not had time to call a repair person so I have been unable to wash clothes. I tell ya, I'm getting desparate. I meant to go to the laundromat this weekend but as always, too much going on. As I try to figure out what to wear to work tomorrow, I was pawing through my sock/undies drawer and realized that I have to go to the RESERVE underwear. Come on, you know what I'm talking about....the old pairs that you hate, but you keep around for emergencies. They are too small or too big, ugly, have holes, should have been burned years ago....Yup, that's what I'm talking about. Don't pretend you don't know.

Busy busy busy week ahead but I promised myself I would do laundry. I expect little sleep on Monday but it will get done.

Jimmy Hoffa Wuz Here

This huge search for Jimmy Hoffa has been amusing. I'm not quite sure what the fuss is all about. Now, out of respect for the dead, I do understand a family's need for closure and such. But, why are the Feds convinced that there is a body to find?? I have no experience in mob killings but I would think that whole body parts would be easy(easier) to find. Hence, make them smaller. Gross. Did anyone see the cupcakes someone was selling in the town where they were searching for Hoffa? The cupcakes had a hand coming up out of the chocolate cake. I laughed.

Calling all Catholics

Lots of beautiful, handmade rosaries for sale.....e-mail me or respond to this post. Custom designs available.

I have to sell some of these rosaries. Come on people, Jesus needs to hear ya. Give a little shout out to Mother Mary.

Instruction on how to pray the rosary is also included.

Matt Damon is hot

Does it make me sound like I'm 12 years old if I say Matt Damon is hot? I was flippin channels tonight and Saving Ryan's Privates, I mean Saving Private Ryan was on. Matt Damon is such a cutie.

So, it's Memorial Day weekend and I think I have lost several brain cells. I was trying to remember the purpose of Memorial Day. Is it a vetern thing or a any-deceased-person thing? YES, I took American History and actually got an A. I just can't recall the schlup behind this holiday.

My friend Alexis called tonight. She's having her bachelorette party the first weekend in July and wants me to come to Detroit. Oh Lordy....Her wedding is Labor Day weekend and I'm pretty sure I'm going. I also fear her wrath if I DON'T go. I'm not so sure about the b party though. I better make a lot of money on my garage sale next weekend. Between school, house repairs (damn washing machine and yard), weddings, vacation,....I'm poor.

Life...........

Who inspires you?

This afternoon I was reading the InSpire magazine, the alumni/ae publication of Princeton Theological Seminary. Each issue they showcase feedback & letters to a question posed in the previous issue. So, this had many stories of who inspired and helped shape these pastors and religious leaders.
It started me thinking (scary, I know) about who my inspirations were/are. So, I pose the question to you--my readers--who has inspired you and how? Family and close friends don't count. Well, of course they count...but we all have an inner circle like that.....
My inspiration from childhood/teenage land are different than my ones from adulthood. Yes, I'll answer my own question but I need some time to think about it.

resolutions

Is it too late to make my New Year's resolutions? Oh wait, it's May, isn't it? Damn.
Ok, well, I'm making a couple anyway. Maybe I should call them "determinations" instead of "resolutions." I am determined to start singing 30 minutes a day. My voice is just not up to par and I need the outlet that singing provides for me. I am also determined to rid my life of stupid people. No names.
I am not too happy with my Effexor right now. I don't think it's working but I've been on it for a couple of years so maybe it's lost it's oomph. My anxiety level is so freakin high that I say freakin all the time. I've always been a worrier, it's just my nature. But now, my anxiety keeps me up nights and makes my brain race and race and race. It's tiring. I feel like I'm watching the little hampster run circles in my head. Therapy, I know. :-) I think this is why I'm going to MSW school---so I can therapize myself. That's not a word, is it? I want to be a therapist so I can charge as much as mine did. I went to see someone, only gone once so far, and she charged me $105. Jeez. Didn't she see the "social worker" block filled out on my papers? Doesn't $105 seem a little high? I mean, this is OKC. You East Coast people don't get to pipe in on this discussion--you pay too much for everything.
I'm rambling aren't I? I didn't ramble before. I've only started rambling in the past year or so. It's Friendly Bunny's fault--he's ALWAYS rambling. I love him, don't get me wrong, but Bunny can ramble.
See, it's the anxiety talking. I'm wired and I haven't had any caffine since early this afternoon. No coffee. No alcohol and no drugs. Imagine what I would be like if I WERE on alcohol. Oh my.
Ok, I'll sign off because this post is pointless.

Mother's Day

Just got home from church...being the good kid I am. :-) I find it interesting that the subject of Mom and Mother's Day didn't really come up in the service. I agree that it's basically a holiday created by Hallmark or some other corporate group, but I feel like the Mom's should have been acknowledged or something. I've been asked 3 times today if I have called my Mom. I find it amusing to watch people's reactions when I tell them I don't have a Mom anymore. They get the hint that my Mom is deceased and they just don't know how to react. I want to say, I called her but she just won't answer the phone. That would be mean, wouldn't it? I appreciate my sense of humor even if no one else does.

The client that I blogged about earlier this week....he died Saturday night about 11pm. The family called me and I met them up at the hospital. It was time to turn him over to God and we did that. Services will be in a few weeks. It will be good to remember, laugh, and gather his friends and family together one last time.

You know, I just thought of it....I am a Mom. I am Mommy to a wonderful kitty named Aspasia. It's my day after all! Happy Mother's Day to me.

Need vs. Want

I NEED a vacation. I WANT sanity. I don't think I'm getting either one. I can't tell you how badly I need some time off/time away from work and *stuff*. Because funds are way low, I can't really go anywhere but I'm thinking of taking several days off and just being at home. I also need to have a garage sale. My anxiety level is sky rocketing and last night I developed an itching condition. Like, it felt like little bugs or something roaming all over me and I about went crazy trying to scratch. Of course, the more I scratched the more I itched. Argghhh...even now just thinking about it makes me itch. Is this what being crazy feels like? Where's the good drugs? I need Xanax.

Strange reality

I have a hard time taking compliments. Don't analyze that statement, I don't want to hear about it. I'm just stating a fact. And, it's a rare thing that I will talk about what I'm good at (of course, it's much easier to talk about what I'm BAD at). But, I'm going to talk about myself, so there!
As most of my readers (all 5 of you) know, I'm a HIV/AIDS social worker. I've been doing this a long time and was doing caregiving on a volunteer basis even before this. I know, glutton for punishment or something....
There's really no comprehensive job description for what my co-workers and I do. We just do whatever needs to be done. Sometimes, this involves silly mounds of paperwork, referrals to worthless resources, and the endless advocacy for money and medicine.
I can't fathom what it's like to be a client--to allow a case manager/social worker into my life and rely on that person for my life sustaining medications and services. When I stop to think about it, it's fairly humbling. I will freely admit that we sometimes get attached to our clients. After all, we're human. Well, I'm human, I'm not so sure about my other two co-workers.

Over the years I have lost several clients to the disease, it's just part of it all. Right now I have a very dear client ill and in the hospital. A few weeks ago he called me to come over and discuss end of life issues with him. He calmly accepts that this might be the end for him. I admire this person greatly because he has always been outspoken and comfortable with himself as a person living with AIDS. He is intelligent, funny, and loving.
Tonight I visited him in ICU and we chatted just a bit. He's still showing some hope and will to live. I don't know what will happen in the next few days and weeks and I don't dare speculate. But whatever happens, I know he will be at peace because he's at peace with himself and those around him.
Yes, these situations are difficult---for the patient and their families. Yet, I surprise myself. I realized tonight that I am good at what I do. I am calm. My voice radiates compassion and love. I know that the act of "touch" can provide comfort. I am not afraid. I realize that I draw on my inner strength as well as my spiritual foundation and use that strength to minister to my clients. Even though I left the ministry a long time ago, I am still ministering.

The transition from this life to everlasting is an amazing & beautiful journey. That may sound strange but if you have never witnessed transition then you may not understand.
I will grieve if I lose this patient. After all, I AM human. But, my comfort comes from God and yes, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

I guess my prayer tonight is a simple one: God be with all those ill and in pain, God be with this client and his family, and God continue to bless me with an open heart and caring hands.

Goodbye, Louis Rukeyser

I just read in the NY Times online that financial tv show host, Louis Rukeyser, died Tuesday. For many years he was the host of "Wall Street Week" on PBS. I have to admit, I'm kind of sad. You see, in my house, the tv was usually on CNN or PBS. My stepfather was a Wall Street Week junkie. The show aired on Friday night and was replayed at 12:30 on Sunday afternoon. We watched it both times. Every Sunday after church, my stepdad would go by and pick up Broasted Chicken and we would sit around the table to eat. At 12:29 the tv was on. cranked up full volume, and he was glued to the show.
As a teenager I never really got into the show. I mean, come on, they were talking stocks, bonds, and money. I didn't want to know what the dollar did that week--I just wanted to spend it!
However, the theme song to Wall Street Week is a memory stuck in my head. I remember when I was living in New Jersey, I sometimes would get a little homesick. One Sunday I turned on Wall Street Week to hear the theme and I felt better. Memories.......

Go rest high Mr. Rukeyser.

Free at last, free at last!

First I was afraid, I was petrified....

Ok, no more bad cliches. I freakin passed my statistics final and ended up with a B in the class. I am VERY happy with this score. It was a tough class and I'm glad it's over. I have to say that I did like the professor. He wasn't always the best at explaining the info, but he was so energetic about it. You have to give him points for enthusiasm.

So, I guess this means I'm all set to start my MSW in the fall.

Speaking of school.....my oldest nephew, Brett, graduates high school this spring. It's hard to believe that he's 18. He has decided to go to Seton Hall (that's in South Orange, NJ for those that don't know). Good school. I'm way proud of him. Wow...college. Makes me feel old. :-)

It's strange to not have to study. Jodie & I have spent so much time at Panera and Barnes & Noble this semester. Yes, she passed as well. Yay for us.

Now if only I can win the lottery..........

Stress

Isn't blue supposed to be a peaceful color? We'll see if it works. I am a stress ball right now. My damn statistics final is on Monday and I am so ready for it to be over. Jodie and I have been studying and reading our little hearts out but we still feel clueless about this junk. I mean, the test is only going to be over chapters 1-22. That's all. Jeez.

I had a dream the other night that I was being a counselor at church camp though I was still studying for the stats exam. In the dream, my grandmother died & my mom came to camp to get me. We go to my grandmother's funeral and in the midst of all the mourning I realize I just can't take the exam. I ask my mother, a professor, to write me a note for my professor, but she says no!! She tells me that nothing should get in the way of my education and to go ahead and take the test.
Now, there are a couple of things wrong with this dream. First of all, my grandmother has been gone for a LONG time and my mom has been gone for a while too. It's kind of strange to dream about them. Second, if someone in my family passes away, screw the test! And three....ok, there is no other point to make. My dreams are just bizarre.

My anxiety level is high but I am TRYING not to go completely shizzle. I've been in this insomnia cycle for about 2 1/2 months now and am really tired of it. It would be nice to get more than 4 hours of sleep at night.

Once the test is over Jodie and I are "unwinding." That means alcohol.

Wish me luck!

Jesus Hops

It's Easter...like the good kid I pretend to be, I went to church this morning. It was a decent service although the pianist stays about 2 beats ahead of the congregation. Drives me nuts.

Anyhoo----I ended up sleeping alllll day Saturday. I mean, ALL day. I went to bed about 3am Sat morning and woke up at 8 pm Saturday evening. I guess I was really tired. When I sleep hard like that I tend to have vivid dreams. The one I really remember relates to Easter and Jesus and all that jazz. I dreamed that Jesus was dressed up in a Bunny suit and that song "Jesus Walks" by Kanye West was playing.....only it was "Jesus Hops." In part of the dream I was in church and they rolled in this huge tiered cake and Jesus bursts through (bunny suit on) as we're singing Christ The Lord is Risen Today.

Strange, strange dream..........No, I wasn't drinking. Lol.

Happy Easter folks!

Bummed

It's been a couple of days of things not going my way. The universe should have figured out by now that it's MY way or the highway. Why can't the world just bow down to me? Is that asking soooo much?

I didn't fail my Statistics test but I didn't get the grade I wanted.

I was not chosen for an interview with the General Comission on Religion & Race job that I verrryyyy much wanted.

Some annoying little kid & his grandma talked through the whole concert at the philharmonic tonight.

I feel like Eeyore tonight. Maybe that's my cue to take a bath and go to bed.

peace.........

Alas, my beloved, JK......

Received a phone call today that my beloved John Kerry has to postpone his trip to OKC this weekend. Apparently there's pressing political business in D.C. that he has to tend to. Understandable......the event has been rescheduled for May 6th, so I'll still get to hang with him! Woo hoo. I just adore Senator Kerry and would do just about anything for him. What impresses me the most is that one of his staff members called me today to tell me about the change in plans. I had been communicating with her, helping coordinate the visit and help in any way needed. It was nice of her to call me personally. So, I must be a little more patient and then I will finally get to see my JK again.

Hello? Test Gods?

Are you there God? It's me, Rachel. Yeah, hi. Sooooo....I have this Statistics exam today and as you know I'm not feeling so great about it. I'm not asking for anything big, like a power outage across the city of Norman or a big flock of birds to carry off the professor....I'd just like a little help with the test. Hey, maybe if You know the answer (well of course You know the answer but if You'd like to shareeee the answer) you could make my pencil roll or something subtle. I'll take any help You'd like to give.

Oh, sorry I missed church yesterday but I was busy practicing witchcraft and becoming a lesbian.

Wait, wrong response.....
Sorry I missed church yesterday but I had that darn retreat for Cimarron. Hope you understand.

Thanks God, or thanks be to God.....

Rachel

Step aside for Chutney

I invite my faith-ful/faith-less readers to read a blog posting by my friend Chance. He and I were religion majors in college and have maintained a friendship over the years. A lot of us religion majors have struggled with our "calling" to church work and have fought for self-independence within churches that seem to encourage dependence on everything but ourselves.
His experience is very different from my own but I identify with a lot of what he says. I must admit that his story makes me uncomfortable as well, because it brings to mind my own issues & circumstances of stepping away from ordination and my calling.

Visit Chance's blog at
www.makingchutney.com
It's a good read.

Shalom........

If you can't say something nice...

come sit next to me.......
Isn't that the line from Steel Magnolias? What a fabulous movie.

Ok, I know I haven't posted much lately. I HAVE been rather busy with work and school (damn statistics class). The month of March is our busiest month of the year at work so I've mostly been treading water to keep up with all that needs to be done.

But, there's another reason that I haven't posted much. I originally created this blog as a little insight to the (warped) mind of Rachel, my life, my chaos. Actually, I decided it would be a good way to keep my long distance friends & family abreast on what is going on with me. Then, stupid me, TOLD people about the blog and now (damn it) people actually READ the stupid thing. Sigh. So, now if I get aggravated/frustrated/want to shake the life out of others I can't post it here because that person/persons/people might read it! I've created a monster.

I've been attempting to keep my emotions and homicidal tendencies in check lately so thaaaaat's the reason why I haven't posted much. Maybe I should have given up blogging for Lent. I gave up cursing (obviously that hasn't gone so well) and of course I always give up Trina (a Kappa Phi tradition from college).

And NO, Friendly Bunny, you are not on my list. I like you. Today. Get text messaging.

Peace out people..............

Church

I'm enjoying my little church, Clegg UMC. When I say little, I mean little...we had 45 in worship today, which is standard. I would prefer a bit larger congregation but there is certainly community amongst a group this small. There's a member of the church who has been very sick for the past several months. I'm still unclear as to what the chief medical problem is but he's had setback after setback. Now, this man fell sick right before I started attending so I've never met him but I feel like I know him by the way the whole church talks about him. Every week a couple of people say oh yes, I saw David on this day or that day. Each week at least 2 emails go out on his condition. I've been in churchs/groups before where someone gets sick or is absent for a long period of time and eventually they drift out of collective consciousness. I don't think it's done out of malice, but it just happens. This David person seems to have such an impact on our congregation and they are always visiting him, praying for him, and being there for his family. I hope that I someday get to meet this gentleman because his absence is felt, even by me, and a community of faith is stronger because of him.

After church this morning I was visiting with the organist, Kay, as we try and find something for me to sing in worship. We were thumbing through our hymnal supplement, which is not used on a regular basis in this congregation. I commented that I had a supplement at home and I would continue browsing for a song. Kay looked at me kind of funny and asked why I had one of these booklets. I thought for a moment and then replied that I'm kind of a church nerd....I was the kid who read through the hymnal and tried learning most of the songs. I guess I really am a church nerd.....I'm ok with that self-imposed label. There are worse things to be, right? Like, male. Just kidding. :-)

Red Tie 2006

This past Saturday night, March 4th, was Red Tie Night 2006. Red Tie is the annual fundraiser for the Oklahoma AIDS Care Fund, a most wonderful non-profit that gives a lot of $$$ to HIV/AIDS in Oklahoma. Every year the event gets bigger and bigger, approxmiately 950 people attended this year. They do a fabulous live auction that generates thousands and thousands and I can't imagine where these ppl get the money to spend!!! So, this year I asked my step-pappy and my step-sis to attend with me. They had a great time (as I knew they would) and my stepdad flirted with every straight female he could find! It was amusing. I was very proud to introduce them to my colleagues and friends. My family really hasn't had the opportunity, or taken the opportunity, to discover MY world so this was my chance to show them around. You know, I didn't realize it until just now, but I guess I'm pretty proud of some of the things I've done and work I've accomplished and I wanted my family to understand a little more of me. Hmmmm....

Lent

Well, the season of Lent has begun. I was able to attend an Ash Wednesday service in the hospital chapel. I forgot about the ashes on my forehead until I started noticing people staring at me. One of the workers in the cafeteria asked me if it was a scar. I find it amusing how many folks around here don't know or understand the meaning of Ash Wednesday or Lent.
So, I did give up something for Lent.....every time I curse, I have to put 25cents in a jar for charity. I just don't like hearing those curse words come out of my mouth (well, sometimes they are justified but not always). So, I have a feeling I'll be earning a good amount of $ for some charity. And as always, at the beginning of Lent I called my Kappa Phi little sister, Trina, and reminded her that I was once again giving her up for Lent. We always laugh about that.

So, in this time of self-sacrifice and contemplation I attempt to correct my language and be a little nicer in my approach to others.

Statistics update...

Just got home from Statistics class....that B i got on my test...turns out it's a HIGH B...an 87! Yay for me.

One down

My first Statistics exam was Monday and I actually passed!! Woo hoo! I got a B which I am extremely happy with. Now I just have to learn all the stuff that I missed so I don't get behind.

Was in Philadelphia over the weekend for a Young Dems meeting. I have SO much fun at these events. We work all day, socialize half the night, and do it all over again the next day. It's a wonder I come away from those things with any brain cells. Thankfully, I can usually sleep on the airplane so I'm not completely exhausted by the time I get home. I really had to behave this weekend because I had to study for my exam. Talk about dedication!!

After I took my test and found out my grade, I called my friend Chris in Tennessee to relay the good news. He said there's something to be learned from all this....Of course, stupid me had to inquire as to what that was....He said, "that I'm always right. I told you that you would do well and you did. So, I'm always right." Jeez. Men. lol.

Gimmie gimmie gimmie

Happy Valentine's Day. Stupid holiday. lol.

Tonight I put in the mail an application for a job I really really want. I mean, I really really really want this job. It's as the Associate General Secretary of the NE Jurisdiction, within the United Methodist Commission on Religion & Race. How's that for a title? The Associate Secretary oversees projects on religion and race, anti-racism, etc, for the NE states. How amazing would that be?!?! It's based out of Washington, D.C. but travel is a big requirement. Have I mentioned that I really want this position??
I knew I had to apply for this. I may not even get an interview, but if I didn't apply I knew I would regret it. I still have my plans to start school in the fall but if I were to get this position school could be put on hold for a few years.

I'm such a princess....I want to call up this office and tell them to go ahead and hire me now. I don't like to wait, I don't like to be told no. I KNOW I'm right for this job.

We'll see......I won't know anything for a couple of months.

Dad

Today, February 13, 2006, is the anniversary of when my father died. With this anniversary, Dad has been gone from my life longer than he was in it. Strange.
But, I choose to remember the good because the past is the past and there's no changing it. He was my father, I loved him, and I love him still.

What went wrong?

Sometimes I think news reporters aren't the brightest bears in the woods. I know they are supposed to sensationalize stories and use dramatics to pull in viewers. But, it gets a little ridiculous at times. Case in point: today, February 12th, our wonderful Vice President Dick Cheney accidently shot a fellow hunter while gaming for quail. A reporter on our local ABC station excitedly reported, "Dick Cheney accidently shot a friend on a hunting trip today in Texas. What went wrong?" Um, he SHOT the old guy standing BEHIND him. THAT'S what went wrong. I'm sorry, but isn't Cheney supposed to have a heart condition? That shouldn't affect his eyesight, right? So tell me how a 78 year old white guy looks like a covey of quail?? I don't get it.
I'm glad the dude is ok but if it were me I'd be holding this over Cheney's head for a long time. Maybe send him postcards with pictures of all the quail that are native to the U.S. Or comparison shots....the flying thing is a BIRD, the walking thing with a gun, glasses, cellphone, and hair is a MAN.

I'm enjoying this too much, aren't I?

Slip of the tongue

I was in a board meeting tonight for the Cimarron Alliance Foundation. We were briefly discussing the cost of bringing in big name/celebrity speakers, like for a lecture series or fundraiser. One person suggested/named was former Sec of State, Madeline Albright. It was noted that her speaking price was probably at least $50,000, to which one board member loudly exclaimed, "Jesus Christ!" I immediately turned to that board member and said, "yeah, we can probably get him for less."

Everyone burst into laughter and I realized that I had actually said my comment outloud, instead of in my head with all the other evil thoughts.

Chutney has taught me well (www.makingchutney.com)

Homework

I'm taking a Statistics class this semester, at the University of Oklahoma. I guess this makes me officially a Sooner. (blah)
I have not been a student since 1998 and let me tell you, this homework junk is killing me. I spent 2 1/2 hours doing homework problems tonight and I'm STILL not done.

One of my stepfather's favorite quips is:
You know there's three types of lies-
there's lies, damn lies, and statistics. He wanted me to tell that one to the professor. Thank goodness I never listen to what my stepdad tells me to do.

Good times. If you need me, I'll be studying.

In memory of Russell

Russell Dyer, age 41. Died-Monday, January 23. Melanoma of the brain.
I am going to have to let my memories serve as his tribute because my heart hurts too much to write them. All I can say is I love(d) you.

No more blogs for a while folks....

Humbled

The funeral for our friend Shelly is tomorrow, Saturday the 21st. I have been agonizing all week because of a conflict in schedule. The major board I sit on, Cimarron Alliance Foundation, had scheduled their 2-day retreat for this weekend and I was very torn as to where to go/what to do. I wanted to be there for Shelly's service yet also need/want to be at the retreat b/c this is part of my future in OKC. Then, just a few minutes ago, the chair of my board called and said we have to cancel the retreat because our facilitator can't get here. Wow. Ok God--I get the sign. Thanks for intervening. Now I can go do what my heart needs to do.

Hiding

my previous post is deceptive because it appears that i am calm and accepting of this death. i'm not. right now i'm really angry and sad and overwhelmed.

peace for Shelly

This morning a friend, Shelly Douglass McComber, passed away. She was a very close friend to my stepsister and her husband is a close friend to my stepbrother. Our families have been linked for a long time. I struggle with how to remember/honor her with words because there's so many ways to describe her--yet who she was cannot be summed up in words. I think I have to just leave it with this prayer and ask for strength and patience as those who knew Shelly struggle through their grief.

We give back to you, O God, this one whom you gave to us. You did not lose her when you gave her to us and we do not lose her by her return to you. Your dear Son has taught us that life is eternal and love cannot die, so death is only a horizon and a horizon is only the limit of our sight. Open our eyes to see more clearly and draw us close to you that we may know that we are nearer to our loved ones, who are with you. You have told us that you are preparing a place for us; prepare us also for that happy place, that where you are we may also be always, O dear Lord, of life and death. --William Penn

The Waiting Room

I think I am going to write a novel and call it The Waiting Room. Have you ever spent time in an ER waiting room??? Talk about diversity. There are some freaky people in hospitals (yours truly does not count). See, several years ago I broke my left leg and also twisted my knee/knee cap out of place. Every once in a while if I turn my knee just so that damn knee cap slips out of place and I buckle. Hurts like I can't describe. So, this morning I'm getting ready for work and I do an ordinary thing and boom--knee goes out. I fell. Yelled. Cursed. Usually the knee cap slips back into place when it does this little dance but today it decided to be stuck. I eventually got to work, taking tiny little steps that didn't require any bending. It hurt all day long.....leg swelled up, was quite painful. I called my dr's office for an urgent care appointment and the SOONEST they could get me in would be January 17th. Uh, no. I do NOT like this doctor's office and I'm switching soon. Anyhoo---the nurse advises I go to the ER so off I go. I went to Baptist and the wait was approximately 6 hours to even SEE someone. I trotted over to Deaconess and only had to wait 3 1/2 hours to be seen. X-rays showed that my knee cap was on the left side of my knee so the doctor pushed it back into place, wrapped it, and sent me home. Still hurts. Still swollen, but at least I can bend my knee. I'm on orders to stay off it for a day or two and let it strengthen up or else I'm prone to injuring it again. Good times.
So that's my day............
Thanks for driving me home at 12:30am Gaila. I owe you.

A prayer for Shelly

For Shelly, her husband Greg, their families & friends-

Compassionate God of love, You know us and call us by name.
Be with Shelly as the time for passing from earth to heaven seems near.
Replace our fear, facing the mystery of life with faith
in Your divine care for us.
Give her peace of mind and heart.
Soften any pain and suffering with Your gentle healing hand.
We ask this through Jesus, the Christ,
who suffered and died for us.
Amen

Thea

My sweet little kitten, Thea, died today. I couldn't find her this morning and noticed Aspasia pacing in and out of the bathroom. Thea was under the vanity, which was her napping place of late. I had put a towel under there so the tile wouldn't chill her. I don't know what happened but I suspect she had another seizure. I've never seen one of my pets actually deceased (goldfish don't count). She was such a playful cat, actually she was still a kitten. She was only 7-8 months old. I have to take comfort in that she had a good home here and was loved. It still hurts though....
Aspasia keeps looking for Thea. I put out a paper bag for Aspasia, which seems to be a comfort space for her. I guess we both have to grieve a little.

I love you Miss Thea. Thanks for being my kitten.

Brokeback Mountain

Yes, the controversial & wonderful film, Brokeback Mountain, premiered in Oklahoma City tonight. It was largely anticipated that we would NOT get the film, being the Bible Belt and redneck state that we are. But, a local media guy put his staff to task and approximately 500 ppl saw the film tonight. HardNews Online (www.hnokc.com) gave free passes to those wanting to see the film. It was fun standing in line and seeing lots of friends and acquaintances gather for this movie. The theater was packed, almost every seat filled, and it was the most well-behaved crowd I've ever seen. It was so quiet in there--everyone was fixated on the movie. No one talked. No cell phones rang. We all laughed at the same places and lots of sniffling could be heard during the dramatic parts. It was quite powerful to all experience the movie together.

The movie itself was pretty good. It's a beautiful love story and you truly get caught up in the LOVE part and not so much the "oh yeah they're gay" portion.

It was a good evening.

Movie: Crash

Watched an amazing movie off Pay Per View tonight, called Crash. The cast is star filled and a few notable names are Sandra Bullock, Don Cheadle, and Brendan Fraser. The movie has several mini plots going and they skip from vignette to vignette, but it's easy to follow and keep the characters straight. The story is basically about racial tensions and mistrust, mistrust of those who are "different" than us and even mistrust of ourselves. Characters wrestle with standing up for what they think/know is right, with accepting blame for their own actions, and accepting kindness from others (with no ulterior motive).
What kept ringing in my head is how we humans easily sin, seek redemption, are granted redemption, and sin all over again. (I use Christian terminology because that is my own background). Each of the characters had a struggle asking forgiveness and when that forgiveness/redemption was granted, they had a difficult time accepting it.

I realized that my own life is a lot like that...I have a hard time asking forgiveness and an even worse time accepting my redemption. And of course, I sin all over again and again and again. The bigger question (for me) is, can I forgive myself as easily as God forgives me? I'm not sure what my answer to that question is. I am hardest on myself.

I highly recommend this movie, Crash. It will make you think. If it doesn't make you think then there's something wrong with you.

Peace

In memory of MJ

I attended a funeral today in Lawton for MJ, my mother's long time secretary/assistant. MJ died unexpectedly last Friday from what appears to be a blood clot. She was a strong Catholic and the funeral mass was lovely. Her brother, a monk, did several readings and reflected on her life and her children all layed a flower on the altar for her. I had to giggle a bit to myself some though...MJ despised being called by her given name, Mary Jane. She ALWAYS went by MJ. But, the priest, as I'm sure is proper order of service, kept referring to her as Mary Jane through the Mass. I could just imagine MJ cringing or shooting eye daggers every time "Mary Jane" was said.

Towards the end of the service one of the daughters read a modified version of the children's book, "I Love You Forever." They added in personal tidbits about themselves and their mom and it made the story even that much more charming. As the daughter began reading, she said that a few years ago MJ had heard this story read at a funeral and she wanted it for hers.

Well, I choked up and tears just flowed as the story was read. At my mom's funeral 4 years ago my brother Dan surprised us all by reading that story (not a dry eye anywhere). MJ and my mom were very close and I consider it an honor that she wanted a piece of her service to reflect Mom's.

But, being there brings back a whole slew of memories that tear at my heart. I realize my Mom has been gone for a while but it's still difficult...no, heart wrenching, to bring up some of the memories and people from Mom's life. Several of the faculty members from Cameron were there. These are the people I grew up around--they were Mom's co-workers and friends. When I would call Mom at work I always talked to MJ first. I would go by and visit MJ even after Mom was gone. Losing her is like losing another piece of Mom and right now, in my moment of sadness, makes me miss Mom even more.

My grieve also for MJ and her family. She was well loved and raised a beautiful family of children and grandchildren. It was good to hug her daughters as we all remembered how much our mother's loved working with each other.

Shalom.

Good grief

Do you ever say the words "good grief" in the exasperated, sighing way that Charlie Brown said them? That's how I'm feeling at the moment. I am struggling with some grief/sadness over finding out that a friend just died and also learning that another friend is near death. I'm a very hands-on person and I need something to DO with my grief. I haven't figured out what would make me feel better though--writing a letter? Playing some music? Creating something artsy? I don' t know. I just have this pent up emotion that is driving me batty. Honestly, I'm looking for anything to distract me from reality. Sigh............good grief.

Disco inferno

The wildfires rage on in Oklahoma and Texas. My area of Oklahoma City is current unaffected but I think residents are beginning to understand just how vulnerable we all are. I live off of a busy street and motorists flicking cigarettes out a window are enough to set off a fire. It does make me kind of nervous.

This afternoon I went to an open house at a friend's. In the couple of hours from getting home from church and going to my friend's, the weather shifted dramatically. The wind had kicked up and was gusting between 20-25 mph. The eerie thing was the sky---it was hazy, dusty, and thick looking. Kind of hard to describe. The wind was certainly kicking around dirt and such but I suppose a lot of the coloring came from the wildfires burning nearby. Freaky.

I feel like I should dress up as Smokey the Bear and stand on a street corner with a sign saying "Only You Can Prevent Forest Fires." Man, I always liked Smokey the Bear.

3,2,1,1 Happy New Year!!

Happy New Year everyone!
I find it amusing that the news media made a big deal about how the time keeper people (can't remember at the moment who it is) added an extra second to the clock this year. Does one second really make that much difference in the world? I mean, I just wasted 45 seconds writing these paragraphs yet the world is no better and no worse for having endured it.

I don't generally make New Year's Resolutions because I, like most ppl, rarely follow through on those resolutions. It's like giving something up for Lent---if it doesn't happen then there's no consequence or aftermath. Though, I do still try to give up my Kappa Phi little sister, Trina, every year for Lent. It's tradition. :-) I think she still holds a grudge against me for when I gave her up for Lent back in 95 or 96. lol

So, my resolutions or intended resolutions for 2006:
Move out of Oklahoma
Cut down the shrubs in my backyard
Spend a little more time at home
and a couple of others I won't speak of right now.

Hope everyone has a safe and lovely beginning of the new year.

peace,

Movie review

Ah well, the title of the blog is a little deceptive because I'm not really going to tell you about the movie. I saw "The Family Stone" tonight, starring Sarah Jessica Parker, Luke Wilson, Diane Keaton and a host of other darlings.
Movie was good. Damn good. I didn't expect it to be. I laughed, cried, cried because I was laughing, laughed, and cried some more. My one note of warning: bring tissue or wear long sleeves.

Spend the 7 bucks. Go see it. If you hate it then I don't really care.

Christmas with the family

I spent a lovely Christmas with my brother, Rev. Dan, and his family, in New York (state not city). I had lots of play time with my nieces and nephews. Well, my nephews are too old to play, but we chatted and caught up. Dan's youngest is 5 and she is quite the artist. One night she had me coloring for 3 solid hours!! I'm telling you, Arts & Crafts have gotten complex since I was a kid.
My other brother, Lawyer David, and his family, came up on Christmas Eve day and hung out. It was so great to see everyone. Being there very much makes me want to move back East. We'll see what happens on the job front. Who knows....this time next year I may be hosting Christmas in my own little place.

Hope all my readers (all 5 of you) have a safe and blessed holiday season.

First Class Idiot

I bet you are thinking this is going to be a post about George W. Bush but it's not. It's actually about me.
So, just a little while ago I jetted off to a board meeting for The Winds House, a local HIV/AIDS charity. I get to where I think the mtg is supposed to be and no one is there. No cars. No lights on. Nothing. Hmmm. So I drive around the block but I'm thinking that this is strange because it was like, 5:57, and it's supposed to be a 6pm meeting. Of course, this ONE time, I have gone off and left my cell phone at home. After driving around the block like 3 times I realize I have to run home and call someone. I get home and the first person I call doesn't answer so then I call this guy, Jeff, whom I serve with on some other boards. I'm like Hey Jeff this is Rachel....where is this Winds House meeting supposed to be?? He pauses for a minute and says, "uh honey, it was at 1pm today." WHAT???? I SWEAR my e-mails said 6 pm. I wrote down 6pm. I put 6pm in my phone reminders. It was at 1pm???? Jeff laughed at me and I wished him a Merry Christmas. I give up. This board was just not meant to happen. Now what do I do with all the bread I'm stuck with???

Twas the Sunday before Christmas...

Ah hoy mates!
I'm not a pirate but I play one off the coast of Somalia.

Sooooooooooooo....
Today I joined a church!! I have been attending Leland Clegg UMC in Oklahoma City and I officially transfered my membership this morning. It's a sweet congregation, very small but friendly and welcoming to all backgrounds of people. It's a good place for me to be. Here's their website: http://www.gbgm-umc.org/lelandclegg/

This afternoon I participated in a Messiah Sing A Long and it was so much fun! I estimate that there were about 150 singers there and everybody brought along their own score of music. It's been a long time since I've done the Messiah so some parts were tough for me but it was good to sing.

I'm all done with Christmas shopping and have doled out presents to some family and to several friends. I have also received some very nice presents (thanks family) and though there's nothing in this world I truly NEED, it's nice to be thought of.

Off to a board meeting (The Winds House)....the chaos never ends!

Clemency denied

By the time anyone reads this post, another execution in the alleged name of justice will have occurred. At 12:01 PST, Stanley "Tookie" Williams will be executed by the State of California. Appeals for clemency were denied by the gov's office, the courts, and it seems the general media.
I make no statements about the guilt or innocence of this gentleman as I do not know him and do not know the circumtances of his convictions.
What I do know is my strong feeling that the death penalty is no deterrent to ANYTHING and only seems to fuel emotions and anger. I fear that after this execution there could be rioting which only leads to more divisions and pain.

When I've talked to people about this case, and other death penalty cases, it seems that many confuse what a grant of clemency means. Clemency is, in simplest terms, is stopping the act of execution and not letting it occur. A clemency is NOT a pardon. No one is advocating for this person to be released (which would be a pardon).
The act of execution is barbaric no matter how you look at it. How does this benefit anyone?

"People forget that redemption is tailor-made for the wretched."--Stanley Tookie Williams

God is with you. May God grant common sense and ethical standards to those of us left behind.

My friends hate my blog

Every once in a while I threaten to write about friends in my blog. Some freak, some don't. I usually end up writing about the ones who seem paranoid about showing up in the blog. So, this one is dedicated to Mr. Chris Anderson of Tennessee. Chris is one of my Young Democrats buddies. He is the current Vice President of Programs, the office I used to hold. He's much better at the job than I was and I'm ok with admitting that. We hung out quite a bit this weekend in Phoenix but I think he was just using me to get to my friend's bottle of Jack Daniels. :-)

I think Chris is absolutely paranoid that I am going to write something racy about him in this blog (all the more reason to drag this post out).

Hmm...let me air my critical bits about him
A. He works too much
B. He over analyzes every freakin situation
C. He likes wine and wine is nasty
D. Chris can talk and talk and talk and talk. Sometimes I think he forgets I'm actually on the other line. He likes the sound of his own voice.

Ok, enough about Chris. See, that wasn't so mean.

Yo ho and thar blows the snow

It's snowing in OKC! Woo hoo. You have to realize that we don't get a lot of snow in Oklahoma City. I mean, it's not a rarity or anything but we get all excited around here when it happens. So, today was the first snowfall of the year and it's so pretty. Kind of a bitch to drive in (when it gets icy) but hey, everything can't be perfect. Like me.

Happy Birthday to me!!

Oh, how lovely to be OLD. Thank you dear brother Dan for pointing this out to me.
Yes, I turned 31 this week. I had a such a fun birthday and I managed to extend the celebration over a few days. I was in Phoenix last weekend for the DNC/YDA meeting and of course we were festive! Actually, several YDA friends were having birthdays so Raul and I went out together on Friday night and I think we made other ppl buy us drinks. Yay for being the birthday girl.
Anysnooch.........on Monday, my actual birthday, my co-worker Gaila brought a cake to work (like we need an excuse to snack at work). Then, that evening Cindi had e-mailed some friends and we all went out to a new restaurant in OKC called Trattoria il Centro. It was great! It seemed much more like authentic Italian, not like Olive Garden fake Italian. Matt & Brandt picked me up & we all went to the restaurant together. It was a small group but fun. Thank you Tom, Brad, Cindi, Matt, Brandt, Kim, Susi, Kathy & Alisa for helping me celebrate. It was great fun! Afterward, I went back to Kathy & Matt's and we stayed up talking/laughing/partaking a bit. Actually, we laughed more than anything. I needed that. I forgot how healing laughter can be. So, it was a good birthday. :-) yay.

Democrats descend on Phoenix

Hello everyone-
I just returned from the winter Democratic National Committee meeting & Young Democrats of America meeting, held in sunny Phoenix. We had a grand weekend, tending to the business of our party, holding trainings and workshops, and enjoying one another's company. Nothing terribly earth shattering came out of the meeting but the rumors of who's running for president are certainly floating. I saw several Hillary '08 buttons and stickers, one for Mark Warner (Virginia), and I can't remember who else.
My room was an unofficial party room as I was able to get a suite at a reduced rate. Woo hoo. Kathy, Matt and I bunked there but we frequently had people stopping by. Of course, I think most were in search of the giant bottle of Jack Daniels that James was carting around. Craziness.
I'm sleepy so I'm off to load the washer and head to bed.
Peace!

Gasp! Horror!

It's Thanksgiving morning and I got up early to prepare for the days' festivities. After doing a few things around the house I hopped online to read the news and see what else is happening in the world.
The follow story caught my eye and I quickly clicked on the link. I was devastated, truly devastated, to read the story. What horrible news to begin my Thanksgiving with--how insensitive of the media to break the story on such a day as this.
Please join me in mourning the loss............
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20051124/ap_on_en_mu/simpson_lachey_split;_ylt=AuEy6FosyarvirhrEXnszCCs0NUE;_ylu=X3oDMTA3b2NibDltBHNlYwM3MTY-

sick sick sick

I don't know what I've got but I am SICK. I've had a sore throat for about 2 weeks now, a round of Keflex did nothing. I've had fever and malaise off and on. A few days ago my glands/lymph nodes in my neck decided to swell up and they are freakin huge. Oh, and the back of my throat is covered in white patches. It's nasty. The dr didn't get back to me on Friday so i went all weekend hardly able to swallow because my glands are nearly touching. Talked with the dr's office this morning and they called in a ZPak for me. Now i just have to summon the energy to drive to the pharmacy. Let's hope this works. I'm supposed to be hosting Thanksgiving at my house and really want to pull this off.

I took a nap this morning and when I nap during the day I always have vivid dreams. Well, I dreamed that my high school class was notified that we had indeed all failed Senior English (they notified us 13 years later) and we would all have to repeat our Senior year. So, in my dream we are all back in high school and shuffling around the hallways and our lockers. Strange. But, in my dream I saw some of my classmates that I hadn't seen in years. I guess it was a mini reunion, in my foggy and infected head. :-) Man, I hate being sick.

Yay for me

I actually made it to church this morning. What a good lil Christian girl I am!! Hee hee. Well, I may have found my new church. It's a little bitty UMC called Leland Clegg (don't ask me who Leland Clegg was, I don't know). The congregation is small, maybe 50 in worship, but they are very friendly. What's even better is they are a LIBERAL, more progressive church and that's definitely what I need. I'm going to visit with the pastor later this week but this just might be what I'm looking for.

Wish list

I miss writing letters to Santa Claus....you know, grasping a big crayon and scribbling "I want a doll" in 3 inch letters. But no, I do NOT want a doll this year. I just want the spirit. I'm glad I'm spending Christmas with my brother Dan and his family. Nothin better than family.........

Of course, there is nothing that I truly NEED for Christmas but there are a few things I would like.
I would like a sewing machine. Go figure. :-) I'm really getting into this whole arts & crafts stuff. I love making jewelry and scrapbooking. A couple of years ago I took that quilting class, which I liked, but without a sewing machine it's really difficult.

Gift certs to Catherine's or Barnes and Noble. never can go wrong with clothes & books.

Landscaping help--my yard is screaming for assistance. I think my neighbors would appreciate that present as well. They are tired of looking at my bare, ugly yard.

You what else would make me happy? If people would donate $ or time to charitable causes. I am SO tempted to make donations somewhere in the name of my family, instead of presents. I mean, come on, none of us really need anything.

Jeez, am I a social worker or what???!!!

peace!

Shhhh...don't wake the bears

I feel like i'm in hibernation for the winter or something. i just haven't made the time to blog lately and there's not much more to say about it.
was in San Francisco last weekend for a conference, Creating Change, sponsored by the National Gay & Lesbian Task Force. some great workshops and speakers. more than that though was the bonding between myself and other board members from the Cimarron Alliance Foundation. let's just say we were "festive." thankfully, i didn't wake up with any foreign or unknown tattoos.

gearing up for Turkey Day which i'm spending here in OKC with some friends. i'd be content to have some soup and watch the Macy's parade but i'm going to have people over and pretend to be a spectacular hostess. more wine anyone?

if anybody wants a kitten let me know. or, take your chances that she'll show up in your stocking on Christmas morning.

does anyone else hate Christmas shopping as much as me??? the shopping itself i don't mind...i like coming up with ideas/presents for people. i hate the stores and all the idiots in the stores. what good does it do to stop in the MIDDLE of the freakin aisle? didn't these people take Cart Drivers Education? christmas shopping actually makes me cranky so i try to do it at odd hours when there aren't too many people out.

still church shopping. the Mormon missionaries are really beating down my door and if i don't find a church soon i may just have to shuffle over there.

any ideas as to what to get a 2yr old girl and a 1yr old girl for christmas? i'm at a loss.

my christmas wish list.....next blog.......

How to trap a polar bear

How do you trap a polar bear?
Well, first you cut a hole in the ice and put peas all around the hole.
When the polar bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.

Bad blogger! Bad, bad blogger!

I got chastised today by Dynanners who was bored with my blog because I hadn't posted anything in almost a week. What can I say, my life is just terribly boring.....Let's see, what's been going on in Rachel-Land. I tried a new church on Sunday. I'm considering becoming an Episcopalean. Services weren't bad, very formal but that doesn't bother me. Apparently the 9am service is better than the 11 (which is what I went to) so I'll give the other a try next week. I know several people that go to this particular church so that would make transitioning easier. We'll see..........I probably need to check out the local Presbyterian churches but I'm not sure any of them are progressive enough for me. I'm quite a liberal! No, really I am. :-) Oh, I remember what I did last weekend. On Friday night we had a surprise 30th birthday party for my friend Mandy (college buddy). Several folks from school were there and we had a nice little reunion. Good times. I love those sort of get togethers. Ok, that's really all I have to blog about. Like I said, my life is boring....

Appreciate your volunteers

Tonight we had a Volunteer Appreciation party for the Holocaust Rememberence Project. It was sweet. We drank a lot. I drank a lot. In fact I'm still drinking. Shots of Apple Pucker are a good thing.

so.......

these two antenna got married. the ceremony was ok but the reception was fabulous!!!!!!!! (thanks danny)

there are days that i want to pack up everything i own and move far far away where no one knows me and i don't have any history with anyone or anything.

i wonder if i can make xanax grow on trees?

Snow White & The 7 Mood Swings

I wish I were creative enough to have come up with this post title on my own but I didn't. I heard it on VH1 tonight and decided to steal it. I think this is my 100th post so Happy 100 to me!!! Woo hoo.

7 mood swings..........of course, me being the pleasant, loving, gentle soul that I am--I have no mood swings. I am PERFECT all the time. Yes, dammit, I said ALL the FREAKIN time.

If I had to name what triggers my 7 mood swings right now they would include:
7. Sleep deprived grouchiness
6. Frustration
5. Just-Ran-Over-A-Small-Child fantasy
4. Diet Coke withdrawal
3. Republicans (just being near them makes me morph)
2. Aspasia (my first cat)
1. Kitten, otherwise known as Thea.

Let me say a word about the cats.....they are making me nuts. All the do is fight, eat, poop, and repeat the cycle. I never knew two cats could eat that much (which of course explains the massive amounts of poop). It is quite disgusting. No, I won't provide any more details.

Heading down to Dallas on Thursday for a fundraiser on Friday night. It's also OU/Texas weekend which means the whole city is going to be filled with annoying football fans. Then, on Saturday I'm meeting up with friends in Dallas so we can play/party and then go see the musical "Wicked" on Sunday. Good times!

What's the right response?

I think the vocation of choice here in OKC is sign holder. Seems like everywhere I go there's someone, usually a man, standing on a street corner holding up one of those "hungry, homeless, vetern, need help" signs. I am certainly aware of the plight of the homeless and my awareness is more than just knowledge, it does involve activism. But, I just don't know what to make of/how to react to these folks on the corners? Is it considered a proper response to bring them a sack full of groceries? Wave a dollar bill? Offer tips on where to get food/shelter? Most aren't brazen enough to write "cash only" on their signs and who am I to presume what this person needs or doesn't need? Maybe they do need cash. Maybe they just need gasoline to get out of town. Maybe food is a high priority or maybe they just like to watch the traffic go by. I don't know why this is sticking with me tonight but it is.

A few years ago there was this guy that hung out at NW 39th & Penn with a sign that said, "why lie? I need a beer."

George Carlin hits OKC

My friend Pat and I went to see George Carlin tonight at the Civic Center. He is probably my favorite comedian and though he is crude, he is blunt, straightforward, and funny as hell. However, the show had a little snag. Part way through, the fire alarms start going off. Now, no one got up, no one tried to leave or act concerned--in fact people starting yelling to just ignore it and go on with the show. Uh huh. Turns out it was a false alarm but the system kept triggering so we listened to fire alarms on and off for 45 minutes. Plus, when the alarms go off it cuts the sound system and most of the power. Carlin told a few jokes with no microphone but had to go wait offstage so he wouldn't push his voice.

It was so great to laugh tonight. George Carlin rocks.

Let's talk about Shane!

I'm feeling slightly spunky tonight. I was talking with my dear friend Shane last night and he made some comment about how glad he was that he hasn't been talked about on this blog. Well, of course I just HAVE to talk about him now. He tells me that he only reads my blog when he's bored at work and needs to kill time. I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not. He and his lovely wife Julie live in Chicago which is too damn far away from me. I've been out there once to see them and really need to go again. They have darling little munchkins who only eat breakfast food because that's all that Daddy will feed them. I swear, every time I talk to Shane and he's making dinner, he's popping waffles or french toast sticks into the microwave. Dude, there's more out there than Aunt Jemima. So.....I met Shane in college when we were both nerdy Religion majors. Back then we used to think that a little dose of Jesus would make the world right. Ha. Oh man, we are both so jaded nowadays! We just look back on those college years and laugh. So, Shane is one of these liberal, progressive, could-be-a-hippie type guys. In fact, he's so liberal that his mom and dad kind of freaked in college b/c he was friends with gay people (shock) and they were afraid he might be gay. He made the mistake of bringing Mom and Dad to church with him one Sunday, a church that has a whole huge crowd of "different" folks and Mom nearly had a heart attack. I think he spent several weeks trying to convince her he was straight. Oh my gosh!! I just figured out why he and Julie had their baby---it was to prove something to his mom! Wow. :-) Yeah, Shane is SOOO going to kill me for this blog but I really don't care. And now for a tender, sentimental moment----Shane has really been there for me over the years. He totally came and held my hand through the funeral of my dear friend Neal. He makes me laugh, he listens to me bitch, and he hates Republicans. I couldn't ask for a better friend. There, sappy moment over. Ok Shane, I'm done talking about you.

Standing up for myself

I did a very hard thing today. For the past 10 months I have been the Chair of what's called the Staff Parish Relations Committee at my church. Basically, I preside over the committee and facilitate any problems or whatever with the church staff, including the pastor. It's a tough position but one I did with a lot of time & effort & to the best of my ability.
There are always people who will never be happy--some people are happier when they are complaining and being miserable. I am SOO not one of those people, but I felt I was becoming a Negativity Queen. I couldn't walk in the church without someone grabbing me to complain about one thing or another. Or, i would get an earful of how I'm not doing my job the right way, or how I could do it better (ie the way the other person wants me to). "Constructive criticism" was NOT the practice but the criticism part was being done well.
A few months ago there were a few people in the church asking for my resignation over a stupid matter. This weekend I received an anonymous letter from someone at church that was very derogatory, mean, and again called for my resignation. I think this was tip of the iceberg for me.
I broke down in church on Sunday because my congregation has become a place of pain and hurt (for me) when it has always been my center of strength and comfort. I knew that it was time for me to resign, in order to save my sanity and my relationship with the church I love. I called my District Superintendent on Monday morning and the church pastor on Monday afternoon. Both conversations were difficult and heart wrenching for me but my DS is so amazing and supportive. After the conversation with the pastor I knew I was making the best decision for me. I don't want anyone else to experience the negativity and personal attacks I've been through as Chair but I just can't do it anymore. I value myself more than that. So, I stood up for myself today and said no more. So be it.

name change

Well, it looks like I will be keeping the kitten i have been fostering. she's been with me for two and a half weeks now and i think it would be too disrupting for her to move again. she and Aspasia are getting along ok. it's not a great relationship yet, but maybe it will be. i'm thinking that once Kitten is declawed it will help. now, about her name......i had originally planned on calling her Malva, which is a name of Greek origin and means "softly, tenderly." perfect for a kitten, right?? well, then my friend Aaron points out that Malva sounds like Mulva, which sounds like Vulva, and i just can't get that out of my head. I am SOOOO not naming my cat after a female body part. no way. so, i believe her name will now be Thea, which is also a Greek-origin name and means "goddess." Yes, i like the Greek origin names. i'm going to have to change my voice mail message and add Thea to it. what's sad is that this house gets more phone calls for Aspasia than phone calls for me. sigh.

sleep? what's that?

I am sooooooooooooooooo tired that i can't go to sleep. don't you hate that?? i am completely on the verge of exhaustion and as soon as i lay down i think of something i need to do so i get up and go do it. i have barely slept this week (though i had good intentions of sleeping) and it has totally caught up with me. i have to go to a silly reception friday night and i totally don't want to go. i haven't found a way to get out of it though. i have Monty Python songs going through my head right now. quite annoying when i want to sleep.

powerless

I hate not having the answers or abilities to solve the world's problems. anyone else have the problem???
my friend Pat is really good about reminding me that sometimes things are out of our control and we are powerless to change another's reality.
i HATE the out-of-control feeling and that's hitting me tonight. i was just reading a friend's web-blog on her journey with cancer and frustrations with insurance denials and sickness. her attitude is SO positive about doing what has to be done but still she runs into walls and barriers with her treatment. i think her strength really calms and heals her family and friends and SHE'S the one who's sick.

so, she just needs to raise about $150,000 for the treatment she needs. drop me a check.

sigh

board meetings

Do you ever feel like you spend your life going to meetings? I get that way sometimes. Feel like I'm running from one place to the next, trying to keep all my "duties" in mind. Yes, I tend to overcommit at times but hey, what's a girl to do? lol.
Tonight I had a meeting of our Cimarron Alliance Foundation board, then a committee meeting of the Oklahoma Holocaust Rememberance Exhibit, then we reconvened Cimarron. Whew. Started at 6 and ended about 10:15. That's just wrong!

The Holocaust project starts next week and I am very excited about it. This group has worked hard and I think it will be a really quality event. You can visit our website at www.cimarronalliance.org

I apologize for any spelling errors and no, I'm not even going to run spell check because I hate the spell check on this blog. My brain is mush.

With that--a goodnight and see ya!

It's a girl (again)!!!

Most everyone knows about my little girl, Aspasia. She's the hairy, four paw, meowing type of child, though she actually doesn't meow. Well, silly ol me told Pets and People (where I got Aspasia) that I would consider fostering other Feline Leukemia cats since mine has it and I know homes for these cats are rare. I got a phone call a couple of weeks ago from a woman who had rescued a kitten who has Fel. Leuk and needed a place to go. My original intent was to just foster her for a while and work on a permanent home but I may just end up keeping her. She's a baby, only 10 weeks old, but appears to be quite healthy and happy. She's a typical kitten--bounce bounce pounce. She loves to boing ONTO Aspasia and batt at her. Aspasia doesn't seem to think it's so grand.....but, they take turns chasing each other through the house and eventually they fall asleep from exhaustion.
So, I have picked out a couple of names but I think I'm going with Malva. It's Greek and means "softly, tenderly." The name isn't set in stone but that's the way I'm leaning.

My friend Aaron laughed when I told him the name because it reminded him of that Seinfeld episode where Jerry couldn't remember his girlfriend's name. She said something about how her named rhymed with a body part so he guessed the name Mulva. My cat's name will NOT be Mulva. lol.

More reports from Cat-Land soon.......................