Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas everyone, and happy holidays to all those who don't participate in the Christmas-type tradition. I'm too tired to be politically correct!!

I JUST got my grade back from my Human Behavior/Social Environment class paper. I wrote on Pre-relase Discharge Planning and Continuity of Care in HIV Positive Inmates. Big title, I know......anyhoo....I got a 95 (out of 100) so yay for me. I was sweating bullets when i was opening my grade because I was really afraid that I had messed up. Whew. I know I got a 97 on the final exam so at least I'm still pulling a 4.0 average. Whoopeee.....lol. I know I know...it's social work and not rocket science.

Be safe, love lots, and kiss your family.

World AIDS Day 2006

It's World AIDS Day 2006 and I'm sure many of you are expecting a post about the AIDS pandemic. Guess what? I'm not going to do one. Instead, I want YOU to post your thoughts, feelings, ideas, etc on the subject. So, get to it!

I Love Being Non-Essential!

Snow day! Snow day! It's been sleeting for several hours and the snow is supposed to kick in at any time. With the weather being so bad, pretty much everything in Oklahoma City has shut down, including my office. Woo hoo! Being a State Employee, the Governor has to declare if our offices can shut so last night & this morning we were all watching the news to see. Sure enough, "non-essential employees" were allowed to stay home. Ha ha ha. I absolutely don't mind being non-essential if it means I get to stay home in 20degree weather with sleet and snow. I have the gas fireplace cranked up, a nice warm blanket, and my cat. What could be better?

musical poetry

i spent a good portion of this evening listening to music. i bought a couple of cd's over the summer that i never really listened to and now i'm addicted to them. Tonight it was Martin Sexton, his album entitled Black Sheep. SOOO good. It's a bluegrass/blues/folk mix and powerful. I'm jealous of those who can write music and make it work. I've always been a musician but performance only. i can't create it, write it, envision it, or kick start its soul. i think that's where the true talent lies. ah well, i was destined to be ordinary i suppose. can i be satisfied with that?

Native American Perspective on Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving!
The Native Amercian PerspectiveFirst Thanksgiving? NOT!
The Pilgrims are said to have had the "first" thanksgiving feast in the New World in the autumn of 1621. Isn't that what you were taught in school? Nothing could be further from the truth!
People have given thanks for the bountiful harvests for thousands of years all over the earth. Historical records exist of the ancient Egyptians giving thanks to their gods for the Nile River floods that provided needed irrigation for their crops. The Chinese gave thanks to their gods and honored their ancestors. The Romans and Greeks celebrated with feasts, pageants, and revelry. Across Europe, India, Africa, North America and South America, and the rest of the earth over the millenia, there have been commemorations and feasts of thanksgiving.
The inhabitants of the North American continent were no different than other cultures. They worshipped the Earth Mother who provided the great herds for hunting, the aquatic creatures for fishing, and for bountiful crops of corn and other provisions. While the ceremonies differed from tribe to tribe across the continent, depending on their geographical location and their circumstances, a common thread weaves all mankind together. There is a common belief that some superior being(s) exist that are responsible for satisfying the need for sustenance and the perpetuation of the cyclical order of nature.
Prior to the Pilgrims' arrival in 1620, the Native Americans in the eastern shore of the North American continent had encountered other English and Spanish explorers. European visitors inadvertantly introduced smallpox to the Native American population in 1617. The subsequent plague decimated the population, with nearly half of the Native Americans succumbing to the virulent disease.
One hundred and two Pilgrim emigrants departed England on the Mayflower. During the voyage, one person was lost overboard and a child was born onboard. Of the 102 people who arrived at Plymouth Rock in December of 1620, only 50 survived the first winter in the New World. Cold and starvation killed many. Without the generosity of the Indians who provided food, many more would probably have died. The Pilgrims had much for which to be thankful.
According to the first newspaper published in America, Publick Occurrences, published on 25 September 1690 by Benjamin Harris, a group of Christianized Indians selected the date and place for the celebration of the first thanksgiving with the Pilgrims.
In the Fall of 1621, the thanksgiving commemoration took place. We know that it lasted for three days and included a period of fasting, prayer, religious services, and finally a shared meal. There were 90 Indians involved in this affair. While this celebration was never repeated, it has become the model for what most U.S. citizens celebrate today as Thanksgiving. This "first thanksgiving" marked a tranquil moment in time before tensions escalated and tempers flared.
The Pilgrims viewed the Indians as savages requiring the salvation of Christianity. They failed to recognize the deeply spiritual nature of the Native American people and their bond with the gods of nature. The Pilgrims aggressively tried to recruit the "savages." Those who accepted Christianity found themselves ostracized by their tribes and accepted by the Pilgrims as mere disciples. The Pilgrims' tampering with the beliefs of the Indians greatly offended the tribal leaders.
The Pilgrims were not adept at farming in their new homeland. Whereas the Indians were experts at growing maize, the Pilgrims were slow to learn. Their harvests of 1621 and 1622 were meager, and the Indians offered to exchange some of their harvest for beads and other materials. The Pilgrims eagerly responded but, in time, demonstrated bad faith by failing to fulfill their side of the bargain. The Indian leaders, proud men of their word, were insulted by the rude way in which they were treated. Tempers flared and, in time, open hostilities broke out.
History chonicles the subsequent colonialization, the infringement of colonists on Indian lands, the violation of the Indians' sacred beliefs and burial sites, and the forcing of the Indians farther and farther west. Treaties, massacres, seizure of lands, relocations, formation of reservations -- all of these represent a poor return for the Native Americans' investment of generosity.
Nevertheless, the commemoration of the "First Thanksgiving" that most U.S. citizens know is really not a celebration of bounties of the land. It should, instead, be a time to consider what might have been -- an honorable, mutually beneficial collaboration between two disparate peoples from different parts of the world.
In the meantime, remember that the celebration of thankfulness for the bounties of the land, the oceans, the streams, and of those things that make life wonderful did not begin with the Pilgrims. The Native Americans were commemorating these bounties long before the Pilgrims arrived. The customs still survive, more beautiful and meaningful today because of their fragile and spiritual nature. Author: GFS Morgan

Mazel Tov!!

In a beautiful ceremony, my friend Jessica married her soul-mate Brian tonight. I've known Jessica through work (she's a great therapist for my clients) and lots of our work community attended her wedding. It's wonderful to see people come together to celebrate life's blessings. Congrats Jessica and Brian and many wishes for your life together.

rightwasright.us (very funny)

Now that the election is behind us, and the Democrats control both houses of Congress, there's no reason not to admit it: the Right was right about us all along. Here is our 25-point manifesto for the new Congress:

1. Mandatory homosexuality
2. Drug-filled condoms in schools
3. Introduce the new Destruction of Marriage Act
4. Border fence replaced with free shuttle buses
5. Osama Bin Laden to be Secretary of State
6. Withdraw from Iraq, apologize, reinstate Hussein
7. English language banned from all Federal buildings
8. Math classes replaced by encounter groups
9. All taxes to be tripled
10. All fortunes over $250,000 to be confiscated
11. On-demand welfare
12. Tofurkey to be named official Thanksgiving dish
13. Freeways to be removed, replaced with light rail systems
14. Pledge of Allegiance in schools replaced with morning flag-burning
15. Stem cells allowed to be harvested from any child under the age of 8
16. Comatose people to be ground up and fed to poor
17. Quarterly mandatory abortion lottery
18. God to be mocked roundly
19. Dissolve Executive Branch: reassign responsibilities to UN
20. Jane Fonda to be appointed Secretary of Appeasement
21. Outlaw all firearms: previous owners assigned to anger management therapy
22. Texas returned to Mexico
23. Ban Christmas: replace with Celebrate our Monkey Ancestors Day
24. Carter added to Mount Rushmore
25. Modify USA's motto to "Land of the French and the home of the brave"

Must I even say it?

Tomorrow is election day 2006. Vote. It's your right. It's your obligation. Vote. If you are not pleased with the governmental decisions being made then say so. Nothing irks me more than people who grumble and complain and say that politics is useless. It's the system we have and though it's not perfect it does work. Vote.

pull a bag over my face

So, I've had this cold for a couple of days. I stayed home from work on Wednesday because I felt really terrible. Today, Thursday, I went in for a few hours b/c there was some work I needed to wrap up. My co-worker Gaila came into my office to see how I was doing. The dialogue went like this...Gaila: "Hey, how are you?" Rachel: "Better thanks. I slept a lot yesterday." Gaila: "Whoa, you are really pale." Rachel: "Uh, yeah. I have no make up on." Gaila: "Oh. (pause) Glad you're better." I thought the whole thing was hilarious. Then again, it doesn't take much to amuse me.

for all the saints

today, nov 1, is all saints day in my christian world. i was too sick to get out and participate in a service, so i decided to do some remembering here at home. my experience of all saints day is to honor and remember those who have died in the last year. but, my friend shane pointed out that saints in day to day life also deserve a little shout out.
first...those who have died this year. Shelly, a family friend and true angel. MJ, my mom's long time assistant. Don, a very special client of mine. Nathan, a troubled soul. I know there are others, but these 4 stick out in my brain.

Saints in my life....it wouldn't be fair to try and name them. i guess each person in my life is there for a reason and i don't always know/recognize what that reason is. i think that i often forget to love people as they are, not as i think they should be.

if none of this post makes sense it's because i'm on major drugs for a cold. :-)

"For all the saints, who from their labors rest,Who Thee by faith before the world confessed,Thy Name, O Jesus, be forever blessed.Alleluia, Alleluia!"

just another manic monday

It's like, 10:47 in the evening i should be in bed. i'm on the verge of getting sick (congestion in my chest) so I'm downing Mucinex and have the bottle of nasal spray standing by. I don't have TIME to be sick. doesn't my body realize it's election time??!! plus, my next class starts on Friday and i still have a couple of chapters left to read.
I know i sound like i'm complaining but i'm really not. i'm just a little stressy.....

Did i blog about my new hobby?? I don't think i did....I've taken up knitting. yes, i'm a nerd (but you probably already knew that). i bought this thing that is like knitting-for-cheaters and it is so easy and so fun. in fact, i got two more people started doing it. every female in the family is getting a scarf for christmas!!! lol. i freakin love doing this.

sorry for the short and boring post but i feel like blah and need to go to bed.

Finally....an update!!

Because I'm tired of hearing some of you grumble...here's an update to my blog!! Lol. I was talking to my friend Shane last night and he's like--what's the deal with not posting lately?? Now, Shane has a nice, cushy little job at a seminary and he doesn't do much all day long. His idea of work is making his own coffee. Then, when he leaves work, he drives in his posh car, to his posh house, and plays with his adorable children. You know Shane....SOME of us have real work and real lives.

If you aren't laughing then you should be. I am chock full of sarcasm. And no, Shane has NONE of those posh things. Well, the part about the adorable children is true.

I have been a bad blogger lately and not updating. Between work, school, and campaign I have just been too tired. My cat barely recognizes me anymore. Pitiful, isn't it?

I did get to see my dear friend Emily last week. She was in town for a family funeral. It was one of those fly-in/fly-out trips so I only got to spend about 15 minutes with her but it made me SO happy to see her. I miss my OCU pals.

I think I am church shopping again. My current house o worship is too small...like 40 in worship, and i need more community than that. i went to a presby church last weekend and not sure where i'm going this wknd. It is so hard to be a liberal, Democratic, feminist, deeply religious person in Oklahoma. Actually, it's probably hard to be those things anywhere. Maybe i should start my own church so then worship would be what I want & think it should be. Hmmmm..

That's the update. Live with it.

Day is done

The weekend simply flew by and I am exhausted. I started Saturday morning early at the campaign (www.roth4commissioner.com). We sent people out to do lit drops and then Brent and I set up a Roth booth at a local festival. We sat out there from 11:30 till 5 and I was SOOO hot and tired by the time it was over. Sunday was the Oklahoma City AIDS Walk so my co-worker David & I set up a booth for our agency. The turnout for the walk was great this year and we had a lot of fun visiting with folks. I managed to get a little sun and my forehead is pink now. October and I am getting sunburned. Weird. I haven't done much since I got home but plan to get to bed early so I have the energy to make it through Monday. I have the feeling this week is going to be busy.

All hail Queen Bonnie

The Bonnie Raitt/Keb Mo concert was a-maz-ing. My stepsis drove up and we grabbed our lawn chairs and headed out to the Zoo amphitheatre. The weather was mild and I was concerned about getting cold so we took a blanket in with us. As we were heading toward the gates, I spotted my cousins David and Carolyn, as well as a few friends. Let's just say that Beth and I were amongst the youngest ppl at this concert!!! Keb Mo was soooo good. I had not heard him live before but Beth is a big fan. I will have to hunt down some of his music. Then, Ms. Bonnie Raitt came out and we jammed. I just love her style, her honesty, and her passion. When she did Angel From Montgomery I about melted. Of course, my favorite song is Can't Make you Love Me, which she did very slowly and full of feeling. Yes, it made me cry (just a little). All in all, a most fabulous evening and even better that I got to spend it with Beth.

I HADDDD to go to the fair

Me being the good kid I am.....lol
After my hair appointment this evening I was driving to Panera Bread to study for a while. I have a final in my Human Diversity class on Saturday. My plan was to study hard for two hours at Panera, come home, relax, and get a good night's sleep.
As I was driving I heard the radio announcer say, "Free tickets to Sunday's Bonnie Raitt concert to anyone who comes by our booth at the State Fair." OH NO!!!! What do I do??? I immediately picked up the phone and called my step-sis (she and I had just discussed this concert two days ago) and I left her a msg. My car somehow magically turned onto the highway and next thing I know I'm pulling into the State Fair parking area. Ok, I think, I'll just go get the tickets and then go study. I get the tickets and my step-sis calls back and we're both way excited. I decided to roam around the building to see if I run into anyone I know so I can have them go get me two more tickets. Well, didn't run into anyone. Then since I was already there I figured I could have supper at the Fair so of course I have an Indian Taco. Fry bread power!!! Yum.
I roam a little more, realize I'm too tired to study, so I hang out at the Fair longer then finally come home (with a bag of cotton candy). My cat likes cotton candy.

I am such a slacker. But I promise I have been studying and I WILL study tomorrow. If my brothers are reading this they are shaking their heads in disgust. What can I say? The tickets were FREEEEEE. I couldn't pass them up.

Dude, where's my sanity?

Peace of mind is so over-rated.

I have a final on Saturday, for my first social work class. This test is going to be terr-i-ble.

Campaign life is busy busy. To be expected. I am happiest when I am at the campaign though, I do have to admit that one. But, consuming............

Cimarron Alliance. Ugh. Don't get me started.

Work. Actually it's ok at the moment.

Church. Maybe I'll get to go this week.

Laundry. In nice little piles waiting for someone to come along and magically wash.

Cat. got her shaved the other day. she's fuzzy and soft now.

Me. Ok but a little frazzily. Should be studying at the moment.

Oh, I need some good CLEAN jokes. Everyone is sick of my knock knock joke. Email me.

Addiction

I confess, I have an addiction....well, i have many addictions but here's the latest. I am addicted to Sudoku. LOVE those puzzles. I have been doing them for several months and just can't stop. I even took some to my Cimarron Board meeting last night (because often the meetings are long and tense). Figuring out where the little numbers go occupies my mind and calms me down. I have also started taking them to class. Now mind you, class is from 9-5 on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, so I NEED something to keep me awake. I pay attention, but I have to keep my hands busy or I will get really restless.

In other news............

Wow. No other news to share. All I do is go to work, go to campaign, and attend class. That's it. My life is so dull. Will someone please take pity on me and whisk me away to an island paradise?? Please???? I ask so little of others........

star struck!

I am just swooning right now! Tonight, the Oklahoma Stonewall Democrats held a fundraiser featuring Kayne Gillaspie of Bravo's Project Runway. Kayne is from Norman, Oklahoma (just a few miles down the road) and has become an instant star due to his success on Project Runway. I was SOOO excited to meet him because I think he's fabulously talented and I want him to win. I bought a piece of art through a silent auction--it's done by Kayne and it's a drawing of a beautiful turquoise gown on a blonde model. It's amazing! He signed it and then wrote a personal inscription to me on the back! I almost fainted. Well, not quite...but I am so giddy right now. I just hope he makes it to top 3 and hopefully wins the overall contest! He said that this piece is an original, one of a kind. Wheeeeeee.......
Ok, so it doesn't take much to amuse me....but this was a great evening.

Is there a "better" way?

Deaconess Girl raised an interesting thought with me in a comment she left recently. I had blogged about the anniversary of my Mom's death. While I miss my Mom, I feel relatively at peace with her passing. But, I had time to prepare for her death. She had cancer and we didn't know how long she would live. But, she was very determined to keep her life fulfilled and meaningful and I spent a lot of time with her over that year or so. I have no regrets--there was nothing left unsaid or undone in our relationship. I just miss her.

When my friend Deaconess Girl lost her father, it was abruptly--in a tragic accident. I have never experienced loss of a loved one in that manner so I don't have any frame of reference. I think the shock alone would be overwhelming but to then have to deal with personal and communal grief....wow.

All that being said, I don't think there is a "better" way to go. While I got to have time with my Mom, we also saw her go through pain and not-so-pleasant procedures. Those memories are powerful and painful for me.

I think it would be arrogant of me to say one way is better than another because no one experiences loss the same. Grief is a very individual process and no one, but yourself, knows how you truly feel.

I guess what I'm trying to say is it's ok to feel how you feel. And to Deaconess Girl and all my other friends who have experienced loss, that's why we have each other--for support and for care.

Love to all--

Beware of kangaroo

Today in Oklahoma City, a kangaroo was spotted hopping around the area of NW 229 & Council. Our local paper, the Oklahoman, had a copy of the 911 call on their website. The man calling in prefaced his report with "I'm sane, I'm not crazy, but there's a kangaroo in my street." I laughed so hard! Actually, the 911 operator did too. Three sherrif's deputies followed the kangaroo until its owner was able to capture it.

How awesome would it be to be sitting outside, enjoying your morning coffee, and see a kangaroo hop by? I'd be checking my drink to make sure I was having coffee, but I would probably run for my camera.

Just another Monday in Oklahoma City.......

Remembering Mom...

Today, August 22nd, is the anniversary of when my Mom died. It's been 5 years and I have mixed emotions. I miss her, that's a given. There's been so much I've wanted to tell her and share with her. I miss her touch, her smile, the clickety-clack of her heels, her singing. But, I am at peace with her passing. There was nothing left undone those many years ago. I just miss her. I was the only one with Mom when she died and that's a powerful memory I will always take with me.

Tonight, I am having friends over for potluck and for games. I decided that I wanted to spend the evening with friends, who are my extended family.

Love you Mom.

What happens in Chicago....

I had a most fabulous time in Chicago, hanging out with my Young Democrats friends and having a little vacation. I went early so my OCU pal, Shane, and I could hang out and catch up. We spent a day at the Shedd Aquarium and it was great. Don't spend the extra $ for the SpongeBob movie....it's not worth it. The penguins and sea turtles are the best. Shane and I also went to The Melting Pot, a fondue restaurant. I managed not to drop fondue on me so the experience was a success.

This wasn't a regular YD national conference. There was training going on and the DNC was meeting, so I kind of floated around between activities. For the most part, I hung out with friends. I have to say that this was one of my favorite YD meetings in a long time. I adore these YD people---we are like minded, we have lots to talk about, and we just all have a general respect and appreciation for one another. It was so great to laugh.

I have today and Tuesday off then back to work on Wednesday. Classes start Friday so this is the end of free time for me. Wish Jodie and I luck as we scramble to finish our assignment that's due first day. Ack!

Sensational sin

One of the local mega churches, LifeChurch, has a new crusade going. Around town, there are bumper stickers and signs popping up saying "I've got a secret" with a web address of www.mysecret.tv

I decided to check it out yesterday and was thoroughly disgusted by what I found. Turns out that this website is a place where people can publicly confess their sins (housed under a variety of topics) and voyeurs can read those stories. There is something that says this material isn't appropriate for people under 18, but there's no safeguard to prevent any 'ol user from clicking in. I don't know if the posts are edited before going up on the board, but believe me--there are stories/sins posted that you don't want children to read.

Our state newspaper, the Daily Oklahoman, ran a story on this so I'm sure millions of people are flocking to the site. I just think this is irresponsible use of religion--to post "sin" online for the world to see, instead of making it a matter between a person and God.

Another issue I have are the categories of sin and what is/is not a sin. I think it's safe to say that my understanding of sin is different than what LifeChurch would preach, but hey.....

I've thought about posting on the site just to see what happens but I also don't want to encourage use of that outlet. What do you think I should do?

People are uptight

I have this very dear friend, he posts here sometimes as "Friendly Bunny." Believe me, you don't want to know UN-Friendly Bunny. :-)

Anyhoo...FB is a huge proponent of the Church of the Flying Spagetti Monster and I decided to do a blog in honor of his beliefs! Personally, I'm a supporter and believer in the Flying Spagetti Monster but so far I have not been able to capture the FSM on film. I don't know that I believe ALL that the FSM spouts, but I know I have been touched by His Noodly Appendage and believe me, my life has been so much better ever since.

When I have a child, she will be raised in the knowledge of evolution, creationism, and monsterism, so she will be well-rounded and have ALL the facts.

I hope you will visit the Church of the Flying Spagetti Monster at www.venganza.org and learn how Pastafarian is sweeping the world.

(Love ya Aaron)

Boomer Sooner Blah

At the end of this month I am starting classes in the Masters of Social Work program at the University of Oklahoma. OU offers the only MSW in the state so I had no choice but to become a Sooner.
See, I live in Oklahoma--where football is religion and the pigskin is God. Personally, I could care less. I like football and I don't mind watching it, but I don't go to games or get all caught up in the hoopla.
Well, I had figured up what my first semester (2 classes) would cost me and was ok. Today I find out that since I'm in some Advanced Program or something, the cost is HIGHER. Yeah. So, tack another $600 or so to what I anticipated. Not happy. At all. Money is wayyyyy tight in my world right now.
I think the part that irritates me most is that there was never anything said about this program being more expensive than standard tuition so how the heck are we supposed to prepare???

In the past couple of days, two OU football players got busted for apparently being ghost employees of a car dealership, which I guess is against NCAA rules. The players got booted from the football team and people are threatening the stupid car dealership! There have been all these commercials from the dealership pleading for the public to keep shopping at their place and that the OLD ownership is responsible for what happened. Actually, the 2 football players are responsible because they knowingly broke the rules. To their credit, the players and the coach (Bob Stoops) have not layed blame anywhere. The situation was handled appropriately but still--isn't there something more pressing happening in the world than 2 kids who got kickbacks from a car dealership?
Apparently not, since this is what I'm blogging about.

Send tuition money to Princess Rachel, Oklahoma City. Thanks.

Today we remember...

Today, August 3rd, would have been my father's birthday. He died a long time ago but I always try to honor & remember him on the days of his birth and of his death. Let's see, I guess he would have been 72 today. Happy birthday Dad.

In other news.............
Tonight is our Roth for Commissioner volunteer's meeting. I'm hoping we have a good crowd. Jim has a film crew following him this week so we want a good showing. Of course, we usually have about 50-70 folks at our meetings, which is tremendous, but we especially need that tonight! I tell you, I've never been more proud of a candidate than I am of him.
Oh yeah, our website is www.roth4commissioner.com
Check us out!

that's CHAPLAIN to you

I guess it's ok to brag on myself a little bit.....

A few months ago I started the application process to be a chaplain within my agency (the Oklahoma Department of Human Services). We are the only state agency that has chaplain's for it's employees and their families. It's a long process (and should be) and last week I was called and offered a spot! Woo hoo! Being a chaplain is an entirely voluntary position and is considered above and beyond my regular duties. I have been assigned to visit DHS employees/families who are in the hospital and in long term care facilities. This is such a great opportunity for ministry! I am very excited. In fact, when I was called and told I was accepted, they gave me my first assignment so I hit the ground running.

I'll still answer to "Rachel," but if you really want my attention you may address me as "Chaplain Morse" or "Chaplain Rachel." Wow. Weird.

McAffrey wins!

Democrat Al McAffrey won the Democratic primary in Oklahoma House District 88 last night! The incumbent, Debbie Blackburn, was term limited and it was a three way race to fill her seat. Besides being the best candidate, Al makes history because he is the first openly gay person to be elected to statewide office. Woo hoo! I am proud to call him a friend.

duck and cover

Ah well, it turns out that the guy arrested the other night--had a loaded gun on him. great. makes me feel SOOO much better.

late night in da 'hood

My cell phones rings at 10:50pm tonight (Sunday) and it's my next door neighbor, Kirk. They only call late when it's important. He tells me not to panic, but there are 5 police cars out in front of our houses. Great. Seems that there is some young guy passed out in our median, the little grassy strip that divides our driveways. Kirk's partner was heading out to his car and hit the unlock button on his keychain. When the car headlights came on, it illumined the passed out dude who was on the grass between our garages. Our driveway's are very long so a person has to be intentional about coming up in them. The fact that this guy was in front of the garage is a little un-nerving.
John & Kirk called the police who responded very quickly. Then, they called me so I wouldn't be scared when I saw the patrol cars pull up. The police arrested the guy, looked to be about 20 years old and obviously drunk and/or high. I watched them pat him down and he didn't have any weapons on him (good) but still......He didn't fight them or anything, the guy could barely stand up. However, there were 6 police cars, all with lights flashing, that arrived. Must be a slow crime night in OKC.
There's a seedy house two doors east of me and ever since they moved in we've had more crime/problems in the neighborhood. I don't know if this guy was from there, but I wouldn't be surprised. What a way to end a Sunday..........

Have I mentioned I'm delicate?

I'm sitting in my 90+ degree house, waiting on the A/C repair people to call. Yup, it's hot. I don't do well in this hot, humid weather. I feel like my flowers outside---I'm wilting! I often say to people that I'm just too delicate for this weather, AND THEY LAUGH! Um, why do they laugh? I'm completely serious. I AM delicate. It's my dream to move to Alaska and live in the mountains. Every year I ask myself why I stay in Oklahoma because I hate the weather here. Last night I finally broke down and went and stayed in a hotel. I couldn't take one more night of the heat. Let's hope the A/C people can fix it today. Blah.........so YES, I am delicate. Now where did I leave my power sander?

Everything that can go wrong...

I wonder if my house has gremlins? First, my washer pump goes out. Then, my microwave gets psycho. Refrigerator died, and now my A/C is just not cooling the place. I am freakin roasting in my house right now!! I can't get the temperature below 80, sometimes it's as high as 90 in the house. I can't sleep in this!

In other news........I got the cat shaved today. She just sheds so much and she kept having hairballs so my vet said "shave her!" She looks a little funny, like a sheep that's just been buzzed, but I don't think she's traumatized.

I'm tempted to sleep in the bathtub tonight because the porcelin is cool. If I can't get someone out to look at the AC unit by Friday I'm going to have to find somewhere to stay or get a motel room. Hey....party at Rachel's Motel 6 room!! :-)

Sack o potatos

I'm having a Dan Quayle moment...I can't remember if it's potatoes or potatos. Ask me if I care......

When I got up this morning I decided to go out to a little country church where a friend is pastor...his name is David. He used to be my pastor at Epworth. Now, he and I had our disagreements and I was in a tough spot because I was Staff/Parish Chair when he left the church. But, David is a very sweet and good guy and for some reason I felt compelled to visit his church. I think it was God nudging me down the highway.......It's a small congregation, maybe 30 in worship. I think it was old-time religion Sunday because we sang the great hymns of I Love to Tell the Story, Victory in Jesus, and We'll Understand it Better By and By. I LOVE the old hymns. This church does a lot of singing, we sang praise music for about 20 minutes.
David's sermon was about forgiveness. Yes, it's important to forgive those who wrong us, but mainly the message was about how we make ourselves accessible (or inaccessible) to granting forgiveness. He also told of an experiment where participants wrote the name of a person that needed to be forgiven, or a grudge/bad feelings were being held. Those names were written on potatoes and then placed in a bag. For a week, the folks had to carry around the heavy sack, laden with the people that needed to be forgiven. By the end of the week, the participants realized the heaviness they were feeling was not only physical but also spiritual. Thus, they learned to be more free with their forgiveness. It was a good message and one I think I needed to hear. Yes, there are people in my life I need to forgive and there are people who need to forgive me. I can't control whether I will be granted forgiveness but I need to make myself open to the possibility.
I often remind myself of a marquee I saw on a local church: He who angers you controls you. My relationship with God is strong but it will be stronger when I quit harboring thoughts and feelings that do nothing but tear me down.

It was a good day.

Way to Go Leader Pelosi!

News From House Democratic Leader Nancy PelosiH-204, The Capitol, Washington D.C. 20515
http://democraticleader.house.gov
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Contact: Brendan Daly/Jennifer Crider, 202-226-7616
Pelosi: 'Democrats Will Not Support Increasing Congressional Salaries Until We Raise Minimum Wage'
Washington, D.C. - House Democratic Leader Nancy Pelosi released the following statement today on the Republicans' refusal once again to raise the minimum wage. A motion that would have allowed the House to vote on a bill offered by Congressman George Miller of California to increase the minimum wage was defeated by a vote of 214 to 189 along party lines.
"House Republicans have made their staunch opposition to raising the minimum wage quite clear: today they voted against it for the fifth time in less than a month. Yet House Republicans vote themselves a pay raise every year.
"The American people can't afford a Republican Congress that is so out of touch with the concerns of everyday Americans. Gas prices have skyrocketed, health care costs are rising, and too many working families are living paycheck to paycheck. Democrats will not support any increase in Congressional salaries until we raise the minimum wage.
"Democrats believe in a New Direction that will bring economic opportunity to all Americans."
# # #

cursed

There's something creepy happening here in my house...seems my major appliances have all started to go ka-put. a long time ago my dishwasher started making a very loud annoying noise while washing, but i have always just ignored it and gone on. about a month ago my washer went out...i think it's the pump. then today, my refrigerator died.
i am going to have to get the house blessed or exorcised or something.

sometimes it's a real pain being an adult.

Crispy

Even though I put on sunscreen, I still burned. My back is bright and getting a little painful. Even though I was already burned, I did spend some time out in my pool this afternoon. It's funny how the little things amuse me............

Basking

Happy 4th of July! Yes, I realize I should be using a red, white & blue font but you know, I felt like orange. I enjoyed a lovely day off of work today. I spent a bit of time out in the yard, basking in my new pool. Yes, I got a pool! Ok, it's only like 4ft long and 30 inches deep, but hey.....When I was reading the instructions for setting up this thing it stresses that you MUST place it on level ground. Well, there is NO level ground anywhere in my yard. My yard slopes downward and that's just the way it is. So, when I started to fill the pool this morning I figured out really quickly that a sloping pool doesn't work very well. I put about 3 inches of water in it and called it good. Hey, it kept me cool while I worked on a tan. I planted some flowers out front and put up a hanging basket of something purple. It makes the front of the house look so much nicer. The goal is to keep these flowers alive and I do not have a green thumb. If anyone needs me, I'll be by the pool with my sunglasses, water bottle, and SPF 45.

Milk Trucks

Ok, since Ellie asked, I'm going to tell...(and I don't think I know who Ellie is....reveal thyself).....
Milk trucks gross me out. Do you ever see those big, aluminum refrigerated trucks going down the highway? There's MILK sloshing around in there! Just the thought is revolting....I mean, it's milk just rolling around in that truck. I don't trust that those things are cleaned out and sterilized well. What, they drain out the milk, rinse with water & maybe bleach, and put more milk back in there?

Ok, I admit that I sometimes get obsessed with strange things, but when I see these damn milk trucks I get physically ill.

Here's my solution to the milk truck problem---keep the dairy cows next to the milk processing factory. Bottle the milk right there so it's fresh and THEN ship it across the country.

What if a milk truck has an accident and the milk spills (no crying). The milk is going to curdle and rot and then the area will smell like spoiled milk. Gross.

So, that's my deal on milk trucks. Just say no.

Exposure to the Son Prevents Burning

Yes, I live in the buckle of the Bible Belt. There are two churches near my house that always have one of these cheesy Jesus messages on their outdoor signs. I don't think I could ever attend one of those churches BECAUSE of those signs. I mean, I find the sayings silly and almost sacrilegious. Whenever I see them, I just want to run the signs over.

This subject gets me riled up and I really don't feel like venting....but if you really want to push my buttons bring up the subject. Oh, the other thing that gets me is milk trucks. Yes, milk trucks. Ask me.

Weekend part 2

Sunday...........
Like the good kid I am, I got up and went to church on Sunday. Actually, I was excited all week for church because we were doing a Blessing of the Animals. Everyone brought their cats, dogs, hermit crabs, etc. We even had a horse (but it stayed outside during the service). The news of the service generated some media attention so all three news stations were there to film. I packed up Aspasia and she did very well in the service. At the end of services, the owner of the horse brought her over and stuck her head in the doorway so the horse could be part of the blessing.

Sunday afternoon my friends and I went back to the park and I ran around. In addition to the information booth, my org was also doing a dunk tank! All in all I think they went well. The culmination of the day is the parade, which kicked off at 5. We rode on a float and threw cheap plastic beads to the masses of people gathered around 39th street. People go nuts for those damn beads....why is that??

After the parade I went home to change and then met some friends out at a club. We bar hopped but didn't drink....too tired and too hot. I was home by 10:30 and glad to be in my nice cool house.

Happy Pride!

Weekend part 1

It was a busy weekend and I have the sunburn to prove it!! This was gay pride and I was in charge of pride activities for the Cimarron Alliance Foundation (of which I sit on the board of directors). Visit us at cimarronalliance.org

My friends Dwayne and Christopher came in from Fayetteville for the weekend. They arrived on Fri evening and we tottered off to a party. I decided to be "sober sister" so the boys could drink. We got home LATE and stayed up late, thus I went to sleep about 4:30am. Yeah, not good. I got up about 8 when I realized my phone kept ringing. My co-chair, Ryan, decided to call me about 10 times that morning because since he was awake he thought I should be. Men. Anyhoo....spent the rest of the day down at the park doing an information booth for Cimarron. Had dinner with friends and then crashed while my guests went out to the clubs and didn't stumble in until about 11am on Sunday. hmmmm

To be continued...............

You Might Be a United Methodist If...

You Might Be A United Methodist If~
you don't take Rolaids when your heart is strangely warmed~
you know that a circuit rider is not an electrical device~
The Upper Room is as essential to your bathroom as the toilet paper~
you felt that the NCAA penalties against SMU football were too harsh~
you've ever owned a pair of cross and flame boxer shorts~
you sit while singing "Stand up, stand up for Jesus"~
you've ever sung a gender-inclusive hymn~tithing is encouraged but widely ignored~
half the people sitting in your pew lip-sync the words to the hymns~
the word apportionment sends a chill down your spine~
you realize pluralism isn't a communicable disease~
your pastor has a hyphenated last name~names like Aldersgate, Asbury, and Epworth are vaguely familiar~
you consider the monthly potluck a sacrament~
the only church camp song you know by heart is "Kum ba yah"~
you've ever attended an Annual Conference and actually enjoyed it~
you have an unexplained yearning to visit Wesley's Chapel in London~
your church is named for a geographical location rather than for a saint~
you've never heard a sermon on Hell and don't feel you're missing out~
you realize that VBS isn't a sexually transmitted disease~
your pastor moves every four or five years and you like it that way~
there's at least one person in every church meeting who says, "But we've never done it that way before"~
your congregation's Christmas pageant includes both boy and girl wise men~
you accept the fact that the hymn "O, for a thousand tongues to sing" has almost as many stanzas as tongues~
you know that the Wesleyan Quadrilateral isn't a trick football play involving four lateral passes~
you realize that the Book of Discipline is not a guide to getting your child to behave~
you understand that an "appointment" has nothing to do with keeping a lunch date~
you think "UMW" stands for United Methodist Women rather than the United Mine Workers~
you know the difference between a "diagonal" minister and a "Diaconal" minister~
"Good morning" has the status of a liturgical greeting in the worship service~
you say "trespasses" instead of "debts" in the Lord's Prayer and have no idea why~
your annual conference spends most of its time debating resolutions that nobody reads~
you'd rather be branded with a hot iron than serve on the Nominating Committee~
you've ever sipped Welch's grape juice out of a plastic shot glass during Communion~
you're asked to donate money to a "special offering" every other Sunday~
you pore over the Conference Journal with the same intensity you would read a John Grisham novel~
you have to fight through a cadre of greeters to get into the sanctuary~
when the worship service lasts for more than one hour, the beeping of watch alarms drowns out the final hymn

Not what I signed up for

It was a difficult day, to say the least, at work. NO, this is not a post ragging on my supervisor, or co-workers, or spilling great secrets. (So much has been in the news lately about potential employers going online to see what applicants have said about their current jobs & relationships & lives).
See, my title is AIDS Care Coordinator. That title doesn't tell you a whole lot...I know. But, the basis of my job is helping people access medications, a doctor, make sure they have a place to sleep, eat, blah blah blah. Case managers often are called to do a lot of different things and YES, we all know that. But, at one point today, I sat back and said to myself "this is NOT what I signed up for." I accompanied a client to an inpatient type facility and under the guise of going to smoke a cigarette, he bolted. I wasn't surprised, but still....so, three of us spent nearly 2 hours (each) looking for this dude. I was driving up and down streets, peering through alleys, gazing over vacant lots, trying to find him. It would have been unethical for us to NOT look. But jeez.....when did I become Search & Rescue? We didn't find him. I hope he calls. I tell you, if I could ground people I would. You are grounded for 2 weeks young man! Sigh.

That's what it's all about

As I get older, I'm (unfortunately) becoming more and more like my parents. I find that I talk to myself quite a bit and increasingly talk OUTLOUD to myself. I can be mid-way through a conversation and suddenly realize that I'm the only one in the group huddle. I'm not sure if I should be alarmed about this or not.
This morning as I was walking into work I realized I was talking outloud to myself and I had just uttered "...that's what it's all about." The instant thereafter, I started doing the Hokey Pokey!! Yes, I was standing in the parking garage elevator corridor doing the Hokey Pokey. I remember hearing a comedian or someone famous say once...maybe the Hokey Pokey is what IT'S all about. What is "it?" Who knows....and does it really matter? Maybe doing the HP is what cures the world. I was brave enough to give it a try. Nothing happened but I kind of expected delayed reaction from the universe.

Donate to Team Chi Chi!

Relay for Life, a project of the American Cancer Society, is a wonderful cause to steer those charitable dollars. This year, my stepsister and her friends are participating in Lawton, Oklahoma's Relay for Life in memory of a very special woman, Shelly Douglass McComber.

Shelly was one of those people you couldn't help but notice. Her smile, her laugh, her southern drawal........Shelly made friends with just about everyone. When she passed in January it broke our hearts because nothing and no one can replace Shelly, aka Chi Chi. Shelly's sister, Stacy, and many of her friends have banded together to walk this year's relay in her honor. Please visit www.acsevents.org/lawtonok and look up Team Chi Chi. You can donate through the website or mail in your contribution. No one, absolutely no one, should have to go through cancer and it's only that much harder when it affects a beautiful woman who was only 35 years old. My prayers and support go out to Shelly's family and friends who seek to honor her in this walk. I especially pray for my stepsister, Beth, who has modeled strength and spirit during the loss of her very dear friend. Love to all..................................

In this very room

This past Saturday my friend Bekah got married! Yippeeeeee. It was a LOVELY ceremony and she looked amazing. The decor was simple and I could tell that they weren't trying to overshadow the beauty of the church. My one word description is "elegant." Candlelight, dim lights, red roses, and a happy couple. What could be better? The wedding was fun because it was like a reunion of college friends, some I hadn't seen in quite some time. We had a great time visiting and catching up. Several of us went to supper and continued the chatting. I enjoy moments like that....when we can visit, laugh, and remember. Congratulations Bekah & Derek.

Presley drops

No one is going to care about this post but I'm just so ticked off I have to vent. The past three days have been the filing period for office here in Oklahoma. For the past several months there have been a couple of folks running for the 5th District Congress, which is the area I live in. I have been supporting Patricia Presley who I thought was going to really win this thing and finally put a Dem in office. The other person that is running, Bert Smith, is just not electable for reasons I won't go into. So, today, Ms. Presley freakin drops out of the race. I'm angry. Like, people spent a lot of time and money campaigning for her---she was very electable--she would have been a good Rep. And she drops. I would like my donations back. I'm serious. I put my faith and my $$ into a candidate and they drop for I don't know what reason but it wasn't a good one. I know I know...I get ruffled about strange things.

I'm not wearing underwear today

I'm not wearing underwear today....no i'm not wearing underwear today. Not that you probably care much about my underwear, still nonetheless i have to say---that i'm not wearing underwear today!!

Ok, so it's a phrase stolen from Avenue Q (it's a musical) and every time I hear the song I crack up laughing.

Now to REAL underwear issues. My washing machine decided to putz out on me over a week ago. I have not had time to call a repair person so I have been unable to wash clothes. I tell ya, I'm getting desparate. I meant to go to the laundromat this weekend but as always, too much going on. As I try to figure out what to wear to work tomorrow, I was pawing through my sock/undies drawer and realized that I have to go to the RESERVE underwear. Come on, you know what I'm talking about....the old pairs that you hate, but you keep around for emergencies. They are too small or too big, ugly, have holes, should have been burned years ago....Yup, that's what I'm talking about. Don't pretend you don't know.

Busy busy busy week ahead but I promised myself I would do laundry. I expect little sleep on Monday but it will get done.

Jimmy Hoffa Wuz Here

This huge search for Jimmy Hoffa has been amusing. I'm not quite sure what the fuss is all about. Now, out of respect for the dead, I do understand a family's need for closure and such. But, why are the Feds convinced that there is a body to find?? I have no experience in mob killings but I would think that whole body parts would be easy(easier) to find. Hence, make them smaller. Gross. Did anyone see the cupcakes someone was selling in the town where they were searching for Hoffa? The cupcakes had a hand coming up out of the chocolate cake. I laughed.

Calling all Catholics

Lots of beautiful, handmade rosaries for sale.....e-mail me or respond to this post. Custom designs available.

I have to sell some of these rosaries. Come on people, Jesus needs to hear ya. Give a little shout out to Mother Mary.

Instruction on how to pray the rosary is also included.

Matt Damon is hot

Does it make me sound like I'm 12 years old if I say Matt Damon is hot? I was flippin channels tonight and Saving Ryan's Privates, I mean Saving Private Ryan was on. Matt Damon is such a cutie.

So, it's Memorial Day weekend and I think I have lost several brain cells. I was trying to remember the purpose of Memorial Day. Is it a vetern thing or a any-deceased-person thing? YES, I took American History and actually got an A. I just can't recall the schlup behind this holiday.

My friend Alexis called tonight. She's having her bachelorette party the first weekend in July and wants me to come to Detroit. Oh Lordy....Her wedding is Labor Day weekend and I'm pretty sure I'm going. I also fear her wrath if I DON'T go. I'm not so sure about the b party though. I better make a lot of money on my garage sale next weekend. Between school, house repairs (damn washing machine and yard), weddings, vacation,....I'm poor.

Life...........

Who inspires you?

This afternoon I was reading the InSpire magazine, the alumni/ae publication of Princeton Theological Seminary. Each issue they showcase feedback & letters to a question posed in the previous issue. So, this had many stories of who inspired and helped shape these pastors and religious leaders.
It started me thinking (scary, I know) about who my inspirations were/are. So, I pose the question to you--my readers--who has inspired you and how? Family and close friends don't count. Well, of course they count...but we all have an inner circle like that.....
My inspiration from childhood/teenage land are different than my ones from adulthood. Yes, I'll answer my own question but I need some time to think about it.

resolutions

Is it too late to make my New Year's resolutions? Oh wait, it's May, isn't it? Damn.
Ok, well, I'm making a couple anyway. Maybe I should call them "determinations" instead of "resolutions." I am determined to start singing 30 minutes a day. My voice is just not up to par and I need the outlet that singing provides for me. I am also determined to rid my life of stupid people. No names.
I am not too happy with my Effexor right now. I don't think it's working but I've been on it for a couple of years so maybe it's lost it's oomph. My anxiety level is so freakin high that I say freakin all the time. I've always been a worrier, it's just my nature. But now, my anxiety keeps me up nights and makes my brain race and race and race. It's tiring. I feel like I'm watching the little hampster run circles in my head. Therapy, I know. :-) I think this is why I'm going to MSW school---so I can therapize myself. That's not a word, is it? I want to be a therapist so I can charge as much as mine did. I went to see someone, only gone once so far, and she charged me $105. Jeez. Didn't she see the "social worker" block filled out on my papers? Doesn't $105 seem a little high? I mean, this is OKC. You East Coast people don't get to pipe in on this discussion--you pay too much for everything.
I'm rambling aren't I? I didn't ramble before. I've only started rambling in the past year or so. It's Friendly Bunny's fault--he's ALWAYS rambling. I love him, don't get me wrong, but Bunny can ramble.
See, it's the anxiety talking. I'm wired and I haven't had any caffine since early this afternoon. No coffee. No alcohol and no drugs. Imagine what I would be like if I WERE on alcohol. Oh my.
Ok, I'll sign off because this post is pointless.

Mother's Day

Just got home from church...being the good kid I am. :-) I find it interesting that the subject of Mom and Mother's Day didn't really come up in the service. I agree that it's basically a holiday created by Hallmark or some other corporate group, but I feel like the Mom's should have been acknowledged or something. I've been asked 3 times today if I have called my Mom. I find it amusing to watch people's reactions when I tell them I don't have a Mom anymore. They get the hint that my Mom is deceased and they just don't know how to react. I want to say, I called her but she just won't answer the phone. That would be mean, wouldn't it? I appreciate my sense of humor even if no one else does.

The client that I blogged about earlier this week....he died Saturday night about 11pm. The family called me and I met them up at the hospital. It was time to turn him over to God and we did that. Services will be in a few weeks. It will be good to remember, laugh, and gather his friends and family together one last time.

You know, I just thought of it....I am a Mom. I am Mommy to a wonderful kitty named Aspasia. It's my day after all! Happy Mother's Day to me.

Need vs. Want

I NEED a vacation. I WANT sanity. I don't think I'm getting either one. I can't tell you how badly I need some time off/time away from work and *stuff*. Because funds are way low, I can't really go anywhere but I'm thinking of taking several days off and just being at home. I also need to have a garage sale. My anxiety level is sky rocketing and last night I developed an itching condition. Like, it felt like little bugs or something roaming all over me and I about went crazy trying to scratch. Of course, the more I scratched the more I itched. Argghhh...even now just thinking about it makes me itch. Is this what being crazy feels like? Where's the good drugs? I need Xanax.

Strange reality

I have a hard time taking compliments. Don't analyze that statement, I don't want to hear about it. I'm just stating a fact. And, it's a rare thing that I will talk about what I'm good at (of course, it's much easier to talk about what I'm BAD at). But, I'm going to talk about myself, so there!
As most of my readers (all 5 of you) know, I'm a HIV/AIDS social worker. I've been doing this a long time and was doing caregiving on a volunteer basis even before this. I know, glutton for punishment or something....
There's really no comprehensive job description for what my co-workers and I do. We just do whatever needs to be done. Sometimes, this involves silly mounds of paperwork, referrals to worthless resources, and the endless advocacy for money and medicine.
I can't fathom what it's like to be a client--to allow a case manager/social worker into my life and rely on that person for my life sustaining medications and services. When I stop to think about it, it's fairly humbling. I will freely admit that we sometimes get attached to our clients. After all, we're human. Well, I'm human, I'm not so sure about my other two co-workers.

Over the years I have lost several clients to the disease, it's just part of it all. Right now I have a very dear client ill and in the hospital. A few weeks ago he called me to come over and discuss end of life issues with him. He calmly accepts that this might be the end for him. I admire this person greatly because he has always been outspoken and comfortable with himself as a person living with AIDS. He is intelligent, funny, and loving.
Tonight I visited him in ICU and we chatted just a bit. He's still showing some hope and will to live. I don't know what will happen in the next few days and weeks and I don't dare speculate. But whatever happens, I know he will be at peace because he's at peace with himself and those around him.
Yes, these situations are difficult---for the patient and their families. Yet, I surprise myself. I realized tonight that I am good at what I do. I am calm. My voice radiates compassion and love. I know that the act of "touch" can provide comfort. I am not afraid. I realize that I draw on my inner strength as well as my spiritual foundation and use that strength to minister to my clients. Even though I left the ministry a long time ago, I am still ministering.

The transition from this life to everlasting is an amazing & beautiful journey. That may sound strange but if you have never witnessed transition then you may not understand.
I will grieve if I lose this patient. After all, I AM human. But, my comfort comes from God and yes, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

I guess my prayer tonight is a simple one: God be with all those ill and in pain, God be with this client and his family, and God continue to bless me with an open heart and caring hands.

Goodbye, Louis Rukeyser

I just read in the NY Times online that financial tv show host, Louis Rukeyser, died Tuesday. For many years he was the host of "Wall Street Week" on PBS. I have to admit, I'm kind of sad. You see, in my house, the tv was usually on CNN or PBS. My stepfather was a Wall Street Week junkie. The show aired on Friday night and was replayed at 12:30 on Sunday afternoon. We watched it both times. Every Sunday after church, my stepdad would go by and pick up Broasted Chicken and we would sit around the table to eat. At 12:29 the tv was on. cranked up full volume, and he was glued to the show.
As a teenager I never really got into the show. I mean, come on, they were talking stocks, bonds, and money. I didn't want to know what the dollar did that week--I just wanted to spend it!
However, the theme song to Wall Street Week is a memory stuck in my head. I remember when I was living in New Jersey, I sometimes would get a little homesick. One Sunday I turned on Wall Street Week to hear the theme and I felt better. Memories.......

Go rest high Mr. Rukeyser.

Free at last, free at last!

First I was afraid, I was petrified....

Ok, no more bad cliches. I freakin passed my statistics final and ended up with a B in the class. I am VERY happy with this score. It was a tough class and I'm glad it's over. I have to say that I did like the professor. He wasn't always the best at explaining the info, but he was so energetic about it. You have to give him points for enthusiasm.

So, I guess this means I'm all set to start my MSW in the fall.

Speaking of school.....my oldest nephew, Brett, graduates high school this spring. It's hard to believe that he's 18. He has decided to go to Seton Hall (that's in South Orange, NJ for those that don't know). Good school. I'm way proud of him. Wow...college. Makes me feel old. :-)

It's strange to not have to study. Jodie & I have spent so much time at Panera and Barnes & Noble this semester. Yes, she passed as well. Yay for us.

Now if only I can win the lottery..........

Stress

Isn't blue supposed to be a peaceful color? We'll see if it works. I am a stress ball right now. My damn statistics final is on Monday and I am so ready for it to be over. Jodie and I have been studying and reading our little hearts out but we still feel clueless about this junk. I mean, the test is only going to be over chapters 1-22. That's all. Jeez.

I had a dream the other night that I was being a counselor at church camp though I was still studying for the stats exam. In the dream, my grandmother died & my mom came to camp to get me. We go to my grandmother's funeral and in the midst of all the mourning I realize I just can't take the exam. I ask my mother, a professor, to write me a note for my professor, but she says no!! She tells me that nothing should get in the way of my education and to go ahead and take the test.
Now, there are a couple of things wrong with this dream. First of all, my grandmother has been gone for a LONG time and my mom has been gone for a while too. It's kind of strange to dream about them. Second, if someone in my family passes away, screw the test! And three....ok, there is no other point to make. My dreams are just bizarre.

My anxiety level is high but I am TRYING not to go completely shizzle. I've been in this insomnia cycle for about 2 1/2 months now and am really tired of it. It would be nice to get more than 4 hours of sleep at night.

Once the test is over Jodie and I are "unwinding." That means alcohol.

Wish me luck!

Jesus Hops

It's Easter...like the good kid I pretend to be, I went to church this morning. It was a decent service although the pianist stays about 2 beats ahead of the congregation. Drives me nuts.

Anyhoo----I ended up sleeping alllll day Saturday. I mean, ALL day. I went to bed about 3am Sat morning and woke up at 8 pm Saturday evening. I guess I was really tired. When I sleep hard like that I tend to have vivid dreams. The one I really remember relates to Easter and Jesus and all that jazz. I dreamed that Jesus was dressed up in a Bunny suit and that song "Jesus Walks" by Kanye West was playing.....only it was "Jesus Hops." In part of the dream I was in church and they rolled in this huge tiered cake and Jesus bursts through (bunny suit on) as we're singing Christ The Lord is Risen Today.

Strange, strange dream..........No, I wasn't drinking. Lol.

Happy Easter folks!

Bummed

It's been a couple of days of things not going my way. The universe should have figured out by now that it's MY way or the highway. Why can't the world just bow down to me? Is that asking soooo much?

I didn't fail my Statistics test but I didn't get the grade I wanted.

I was not chosen for an interview with the General Comission on Religion & Race job that I verrryyyy much wanted.

Some annoying little kid & his grandma talked through the whole concert at the philharmonic tonight.

I feel like Eeyore tonight. Maybe that's my cue to take a bath and go to bed.

peace.........

Alas, my beloved, JK......

Received a phone call today that my beloved John Kerry has to postpone his trip to OKC this weekend. Apparently there's pressing political business in D.C. that he has to tend to. Understandable......the event has been rescheduled for May 6th, so I'll still get to hang with him! Woo hoo. I just adore Senator Kerry and would do just about anything for him. What impresses me the most is that one of his staff members called me today to tell me about the change in plans. I had been communicating with her, helping coordinate the visit and help in any way needed. It was nice of her to call me personally. So, I must be a little more patient and then I will finally get to see my JK again.

Hello? Test Gods?

Are you there God? It's me, Rachel. Yeah, hi. Sooooo....I have this Statistics exam today and as you know I'm not feeling so great about it. I'm not asking for anything big, like a power outage across the city of Norman or a big flock of birds to carry off the professor....I'd just like a little help with the test. Hey, maybe if You know the answer (well of course You know the answer but if You'd like to shareeee the answer) you could make my pencil roll or something subtle. I'll take any help You'd like to give.

Oh, sorry I missed church yesterday but I was busy practicing witchcraft and becoming a lesbian.

Wait, wrong response.....
Sorry I missed church yesterday but I had that darn retreat for Cimarron. Hope you understand.

Thanks God, or thanks be to God.....

Rachel

Step aside for Chutney

I invite my faith-ful/faith-less readers to read a blog posting by my friend Chance. He and I were religion majors in college and have maintained a friendship over the years. A lot of us religion majors have struggled with our "calling" to church work and have fought for self-independence within churches that seem to encourage dependence on everything but ourselves.
His experience is very different from my own but I identify with a lot of what he says. I must admit that his story makes me uncomfortable as well, because it brings to mind my own issues & circumstances of stepping away from ordination and my calling.

Visit Chance's blog at
www.makingchutney.com
It's a good read.

Shalom........

If you can't say something nice...

come sit next to me.......
Isn't that the line from Steel Magnolias? What a fabulous movie.

Ok, I know I haven't posted much lately. I HAVE been rather busy with work and school (damn statistics class). The month of March is our busiest month of the year at work so I've mostly been treading water to keep up with all that needs to be done.

But, there's another reason that I haven't posted much. I originally created this blog as a little insight to the (warped) mind of Rachel, my life, my chaos. Actually, I decided it would be a good way to keep my long distance friends & family abreast on what is going on with me. Then, stupid me, TOLD people about the blog and now (damn it) people actually READ the stupid thing. Sigh. So, now if I get aggravated/frustrated/want to shake the life out of others I can't post it here because that person/persons/people might read it! I've created a monster.

I've been attempting to keep my emotions and homicidal tendencies in check lately so thaaaaat's the reason why I haven't posted much. Maybe I should have given up blogging for Lent. I gave up cursing (obviously that hasn't gone so well) and of course I always give up Trina (a Kappa Phi tradition from college).

And NO, Friendly Bunny, you are not on my list. I like you. Today. Get text messaging.

Peace out people..............

Church

I'm enjoying my little church, Clegg UMC. When I say little, I mean little...we had 45 in worship today, which is standard. I would prefer a bit larger congregation but there is certainly community amongst a group this small. There's a member of the church who has been very sick for the past several months. I'm still unclear as to what the chief medical problem is but he's had setback after setback. Now, this man fell sick right before I started attending so I've never met him but I feel like I know him by the way the whole church talks about him. Every week a couple of people say oh yes, I saw David on this day or that day. Each week at least 2 emails go out on his condition. I've been in churchs/groups before where someone gets sick or is absent for a long period of time and eventually they drift out of collective consciousness. I don't think it's done out of malice, but it just happens. This David person seems to have such an impact on our congregation and they are always visiting him, praying for him, and being there for his family. I hope that I someday get to meet this gentleman because his absence is felt, even by me, and a community of faith is stronger because of him.

After church this morning I was visiting with the organist, Kay, as we try and find something for me to sing in worship. We were thumbing through our hymnal supplement, which is not used on a regular basis in this congregation. I commented that I had a supplement at home and I would continue browsing for a song. Kay looked at me kind of funny and asked why I had one of these booklets. I thought for a moment and then replied that I'm kind of a church nerd....I was the kid who read through the hymnal and tried learning most of the songs. I guess I really am a church nerd.....I'm ok with that self-imposed label. There are worse things to be, right? Like, male. Just kidding. :-)

Red Tie 2006

This past Saturday night, March 4th, was Red Tie Night 2006. Red Tie is the annual fundraiser for the Oklahoma AIDS Care Fund, a most wonderful non-profit that gives a lot of $$$ to HIV/AIDS in Oklahoma. Every year the event gets bigger and bigger, approxmiately 950 people attended this year. They do a fabulous live auction that generates thousands and thousands and I can't imagine where these ppl get the money to spend!!! So, this year I asked my step-pappy and my step-sis to attend with me. They had a great time (as I knew they would) and my stepdad flirted with every straight female he could find! It was amusing. I was very proud to introduce them to my colleagues and friends. My family really hasn't had the opportunity, or taken the opportunity, to discover MY world so this was my chance to show them around. You know, I didn't realize it until just now, but I guess I'm pretty proud of some of the things I've done and work I've accomplished and I wanted my family to understand a little more of me. Hmmmm....

Lent

Well, the season of Lent has begun. I was able to attend an Ash Wednesday service in the hospital chapel. I forgot about the ashes on my forehead until I started noticing people staring at me. One of the workers in the cafeteria asked me if it was a scar. I find it amusing how many folks around here don't know or understand the meaning of Ash Wednesday or Lent.
So, I did give up something for Lent.....every time I curse, I have to put 25cents in a jar for charity. I just don't like hearing those curse words come out of my mouth (well, sometimes they are justified but not always). So, I have a feeling I'll be earning a good amount of $ for some charity. And as always, at the beginning of Lent I called my Kappa Phi little sister, Trina, and reminded her that I was once again giving her up for Lent. We always laugh about that.

So, in this time of self-sacrifice and contemplation I attempt to correct my language and be a little nicer in my approach to others.

Statistics update...

Just got home from Statistics class....that B i got on my test...turns out it's a HIGH B...an 87! Yay for me.

One down

My first Statistics exam was Monday and I actually passed!! Woo hoo! I got a B which I am extremely happy with. Now I just have to learn all the stuff that I missed so I don't get behind.

Was in Philadelphia over the weekend for a Young Dems meeting. I have SO much fun at these events. We work all day, socialize half the night, and do it all over again the next day. It's a wonder I come away from those things with any brain cells. Thankfully, I can usually sleep on the airplane so I'm not completely exhausted by the time I get home. I really had to behave this weekend because I had to study for my exam. Talk about dedication!!

After I took my test and found out my grade, I called my friend Chris in Tennessee to relay the good news. He said there's something to be learned from all this....Of course, stupid me had to inquire as to what that was....He said, "that I'm always right. I told you that you would do well and you did. So, I'm always right." Jeez. Men. lol.

Gimmie gimmie gimmie

Happy Valentine's Day. Stupid holiday. lol.

Tonight I put in the mail an application for a job I really really want. I mean, I really really really want this job. It's as the Associate General Secretary of the NE Jurisdiction, within the United Methodist Commission on Religion & Race. How's that for a title? The Associate Secretary oversees projects on religion and race, anti-racism, etc, for the NE states. How amazing would that be?!?! It's based out of Washington, D.C. but travel is a big requirement. Have I mentioned that I really want this position??
I knew I had to apply for this. I may not even get an interview, but if I didn't apply I knew I would regret it. I still have my plans to start school in the fall but if I were to get this position school could be put on hold for a few years.

I'm such a princess....I want to call up this office and tell them to go ahead and hire me now. I don't like to wait, I don't like to be told no. I KNOW I'm right for this job.

We'll see......I won't know anything for a couple of months.

Dad

Today, February 13, 2006, is the anniversary of when my father died. With this anniversary, Dad has been gone from my life longer than he was in it. Strange.
But, I choose to remember the good because the past is the past and there's no changing it. He was my father, I loved him, and I love him still.

What went wrong?

Sometimes I think news reporters aren't the brightest bears in the woods. I know they are supposed to sensationalize stories and use dramatics to pull in viewers. But, it gets a little ridiculous at times. Case in point: today, February 12th, our wonderful Vice President Dick Cheney accidently shot a fellow hunter while gaming for quail. A reporter on our local ABC station excitedly reported, "Dick Cheney accidently shot a friend on a hunting trip today in Texas. What went wrong?" Um, he SHOT the old guy standing BEHIND him. THAT'S what went wrong. I'm sorry, but isn't Cheney supposed to have a heart condition? That shouldn't affect his eyesight, right? So tell me how a 78 year old white guy looks like a covey of quail?? I don't get it.
I'm glad the dude is ok but if it were me I'd be holding this over Cheney's head for a long time. Maybe send him postcards with pictures of all the quail that are native to the U.S. Or comparison shots....the flying thing is a BIRD, the walking thing with a gun, glasses, cellphone, and hair is a MAN.

I'm enjoying this too much, aren't I?

Slip of the tongue

I was in a board meeting tonight for the Cimarron Alliance Foundation. We were briefly discussing the cost of bringing in big name/celebrity speakers, like for a lecture series or fundraiser. One person suggested/named was former Sec of State, Madeline Albright. It was noted that her speaking price was probably at least $50,000, to which one board member loudly exclaimed, "Jesus Christ!" I immediately turned to that board member and said, "yeah, we can probably get him for less."

Everyone burst into laughter and I realized that I had actually said my comment outloud, instead of in my head with all the other evil thoughts.

Chutney has taught me well (www.makingchutney.com)

Homework

I'm taking a Statistics class this semester, at the University of Oklahoma. I guess this makes me officially a Sooner. (blah)
I have not been a student since 1998 and let me tell you, this homework junk is killing me. I spent 2 1/2 hours doing homework problems tonight and I'm STILL not done.

One of my stepfather's favorite quips is:
You know there's three types of lies-
there's lies, damn lies, and statistics. He wanted me to tell that one to the professor. Thank goodness I never listen to what my stepdad tells me to do.

Good times. If you need me, I'll be studying.

In memory of Russell

Russell Dyer, age 41. Died-Monday, January 23. Melanoma of the brain.
I am going to have to let my memories serve as his tribute because my heart hurts too much to write them. All I can say is I love(d) you.

No more blogs for a while folks....

Humbled

The funeral for our friend Shelly is tomorrow, Saturday the 21st. I have been agonizing all week because of a conflict in schedule. The major board I sit on, Cimarron Alliance Foundation, had scheduled their 2-day retreat for this weekend and I was very torn as to where to go/what to do. I wanted to be there for Shelly's service yet also need/want to be at the retreat b/c this is part of my future in OKC. Then, just a few minutes ago, the chair of my board called and said we have to cancel the retreat because our facilitator can't get here. Wow. Ok God--I get the sign. Thanks for intervening. Now I can go do what my heart needs to do.

Hiding

my previous post is deceptive because it appears that i am calm and accepting of this death. i'm not. right now i'm really angry and sad and overwhelmed.

peace for Shelly

This morning a friend, Shelly Douglass McComber, passed away. She was a very close friend to my stepsister and her husband is a close friend to my stepbrother. Our families have been linked for a long time. I struggle with how to remember/honor her with words because there's so many ways to describe her--yet who she was cannot be summed up in words. I think I have to just leave it with this prayer and ask for strength and patience as those who knew Shelly struggle through their grief.

We give back to you, O God, this one whom you gave to us. You did not lose her when you gave her to us and we do not lose her by her return to you. Your dear Son has taught us that life is eternal and love cannot die, so death is only a horizon and a horizon is only the limit of our sight. Open our eyes to see more clearly and draw us close to you that we may know that we are nearer to our loved ones, who are with you. You have told us that you are preparing a place for us; prepare us also for that happy place, that where you are we may also be always, O dear Lord, of life and death. --William Penn

The Waiting Room

I think I am going to write a novel and call it The Waiting Room. Have you ever spent time in an ER waiting room??? Talk about diversity. There are some freaky people in hospitals (yours truly does not count). See, several years ago I broke my left leg and also twisted my knee/knee cap out of place. Every once in a while if I turn my knee just so that damn knee cap slips out of place and I buckle. Hurts like I can't describe. So, this morning I'm getting ready for work and I do an ordinary thing and boom--knee goes out. I fell. Yelled. Cursed. Usually the knee cap slips back into place when it does this little dance but today it decided to be stuck. I eventually got to work, taking tiny little steps that didn't require any bending. It hurt all day long.....leg swelled up, was quite painful. I called my dr's office for an urgent care appointment and the SOONEST they could get me in would be January 17th. Uh, no. I do NOT like this doctor's office and I'm switching soon. Anyhoo---the nurse advises I go to the ER so off I go. I went to Baptist and the wait was approximately 6 hours to even SEE someone. I trotted over to Deaconess and only had to wait 3 1/2 hours to be seen. X-rays showed that my knee cap was on the left side of my knee so the doctor pushed it back into place, wrapped it, and sent me home. Still hurts. Still swollen, but at least I can bend my knee. I'm on orders to stay off it for a day or two and let it strengthen up or else I'm prone to injuring it again. Good times.
So that's my day............
Thanks for driving me home at 12:30am Gaila. I owe you.

A prayer for Shelly

For Shelly, her husband Greg, their families & friends-

Compassionate God of love, You know us and call us by name.
Be with Shelly as the time for passing from earth to heaven seems near.
Replace our fear, facing the mystery of life with faith
in Your divine care for us.
Give her peace of mind and heart.
Soften any pain and suffering with Your gentle healing hand.
We ask this through Jesus, the Christ,
who suffered and died for us.
Amen

Thea

My sweet little kitten, Thea, died today. I couldn't find her this morning and noticed Aspasia pacing in and out of the bathroom. Thea was under the vanity, which was her napping place of late. I had put a towel under there so the tile wouldn't chill her. I don't know what happened but I suspect she had another seizure. I've never seen one of my pets actually deceased (goldfish don't count). She was such a playful cat, actually she was still a kitten. She was only 7-8 months old. I have to take comfort in that she had a good home here and was loved. It still hurts though....
Aspasia keeps looking for Thea. I put out a paper bag for Aspasia, which seems to be a comfort space for her. I guess we both have to grieve a little.

I love you Miss Thea. Thanks for being my kitten.